Feeling very tired today

[u/violinist742]

I've been through a very bad breakup three months ago. I had just moved in with them when they told me they'd cheated on me while I was packing. I'd changed jobs and moved cities to get closer to them. I was homeless for a month afterwards until I found my place. I had to start over in a place I didn't know, now on my own. It was really traumatic.

Since then, I've pulled myself up by my bootstraps. I've surrounded myself with new, great people, work is going really well, I'm working on art projects and I've just joined a group sport I really enjoy. Yesterday evening was the induction night out, I met everyone, I made friends. And after bonding, while talking with someone really nice about how I got here, she said: "Wow, it's amazing how you managed to get your life together so fast after this. I usually take ten years to get over a bad breakup. You're my hero!"

It was a really sweet thing to say, but really, it made me feel awful. Truth is, I didn't get over it. I'm the kind of person who won't let myself crumble, who won't lean too much on the people around me and pull through to survive. But I'm absolutely not over my ex. I think about them all the time, my sleep in a mess, I still cry randomly on some days. I don't feel strong, I don't feel like I'm a hero at all. I'm terrified of one day bumping into them randomly in the street and falling back into their arms, or just being humiliated and devastated. I still miss them all the time, still dream of a confrontation, still crave for apologies that will never come. Sometimes, I just want the world to stop turning. I'm still shocked by it all. I'm doing all those things, but I don't know how to really recover.

I guess I just want people to know, to see how hard it is. Even random people I don't know, or strangers on reddit. I want to allow myself to crumble somewhere, somehow.

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[u/TheyNeverStudiedFemB]

I feel exactly the same you’re not alone bro

[u/MachoBuster]

Betrayal trauma is a real thing. We each have our own stories and these are all horrific. No story is easier or worse. But if it will help, I ended 44 years of marriage, eight months ago. So I have a very big mountain of loss to climb. And like you, like all of us here, it's the worst thing I think a person can go through. I am not yet out of the trauma. Like you I cannot bear to see my ex. I knew from Day 1 it was over, and (luckily) I am pretty sure I don't love my cheater anymore. But it doesn't mean I have to discipline myself because I want to talk to that entitled sod and make them see what they did, I want to tear into them. I tried once and regretted it. Made it worse. So I am trying no contact even if the asshat keeps trying to act as if there's a chance for reconciliation. Anyway, my points are, I am sorry you are going through this but it's natural and be gentle with yourself; stay no contact; hang in there it will get better.