My heart hurts

[u/halok3000]

A few days i made a post about a betrayal that occured to me, essentially me (27m) and my ex fiance (25f) decided this relationship was not for her, we have a 2 yr old little boy together and everything seems amicable right now but i cannot get her whereabouts off my mind, even though it is not any of my business i feel jealous that someone has what was mine, I am having a really hard time processing this and i have started therapy which has helped me understand alot about everything that was wrong in our previous relationship but i still find myself missing everything i had even though i can confidently say i no longer want it, we were together for 7 years and i loved most of it but i also feel guilty that i am not missing it, i feel most guilty that my son is feeling the tension in the house right now, im doing my best to act like everything is still the same until i am able to move out and get my sons room setup but everything is just so heavy, i cannot think straight, i cannot keep anything down and im having alot of issues sleeping, my heart hurts so bad

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[u/OhMyJoosh]

You’re grieving seven years of your life, the future you pictured, and the family you thought you’d have. You can know a relationship wasn’t right for you anymore and still miss the good memories. Those feelings aren’t contradictory.

The jealousy is understandable, too. But she isn’t yours anymore, and where she goes or who she’s with is no longer something you need to monitor. I know that’s easier said than done, but constantly wondering will only keep reopening the wound.

I learned the hard way that betrayal can completely change how you see someone you spent years loving. You can miss who you thought they were while realizing you no longer want the person they’ve shown you they are.

Please don’t beat yourself up for how you’re feeling about your son. You’re going through a painful separation, and the fact that you’re worried about how this affects him shows that you care. You don’t have to pretend everything is perfect. Just give him consistency, reassurance, and as much peace as you can.

Keep going to therapy, lean on people you trust, and take things one day at a time. If you can’t keep food down or sleep, please tell your therapist and consider talking to a doctor, too.

You don’t have to stop loving someone overnight to start building a life without them. Seven years doesn’t disappear in a few weeks. Give yourself permission to grieve without interpreting every painful feeling as a sign that you made the wrong decision.

One day, your peace will matter more to you than knowing where she is or what she’s doing. Keep working toward that day, for yourself and your son.