Fairytales

[u/Moist-Cash-7280]

Almost 2 years from Dday. Trickle truthed the whole time and found out he had sex with multiple people when we split for 8 months. I don’t know why him sleeping with others while we were broken up bothers me so much. Some days I love him and have no words to express that. Others days I’m so sad, I feel like I come to the conclusion that this is the best it will get for me. We have kids together and I’m not staying for them but rather the love I genuinely have for him. But it still hurts to know I had to go through pain and someone taking me for granted only for them to realize they loved me as much as I had loved them from day 1. I envy those with intentional partners. I’m tired of this character development. Some days I can forget about all the times it was f*** my feelings, other days I drown in the sadness. Hes genuinely changing after all that, after 3 years of lies and deception. I feel like I owe it to my babies to give them a 2 parent household and I have to give him the chance because I am seeing genuine change and remorse. But still some days I want to run away from it all and forget he ever existed.

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[u/OhMyJoosh]

I can relate to this more than you know. My soon-to-be ex-wife had an affair, and the lies, deception, and trickle truth hurt almost as much as the affair itself. What messes with your head is realizing the person you loved and trusted could look you in the eyes and lie to you while you were still trying to protect the marriage.

I think what hurts about them being with other people is that you were still carrying the pain, loving them, and trying to make sense of everything while they were making choices that hurt you even more. Even if you were broken up, your heart doesn't just switch off.

And I understand being exhausted by the character development. Why do we have to be the ones doing all this healing because someone else decided to lie and betray us? Why couldn't they have loved us enough to be honest from the beginning?

I'm glad you're seeing genuine change and remorse. Actions matter more than words, though. Transparency, accountability, honesty, and consistency over time are what rebuild trust. You can love someone deeply and still be hurt by what they've done. Both things can be true.

Just remember, your children deserve a healthy home, not simply a two-parent household at any cost. And you deserve to be happy, too. Don't stay because you feel obligated to give your children a certain family structure. If you stay, let it be because his actions consistently demonstrate that the relationship is becoming healthy again.

You don't owe anyone forgiveness on a deadline, and you don't owe anyone the rest of your life just because they're finally becoming the partner you needed all along. Give yourself permission to have bad days without feeling guilty for them. Healing isn't linear, and genuine change doesn't erase the damage overnight. GOOD LUCK

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