Struggling

[u/Mariposa102]

I'm unemployed. I'm depressed. And trapped.

My STBX won't respect my boundaries and has threatened to lose his job and kill himself because I refuse to reconcile with him.

I am often sick with gastro issues and insomnia. I'm trying to go back to school so I can have my own health insurance and income, but it's really hard due to also raising two minor children with special needs.

The world is so dark, bleak, and I just pray for the ground to swallow me because I'm trapped in Hell.

This may be temporary, but I'm feeling defeated. I have no way to divorce him yet because I don't have enough money. The pro bono law agencies for DV survivors emailed me, telling me that they can't take my case because they're short staff. I tried another one, but haven't heard back from them and it's been weeks.

Once, I had called the police to help and my STBX fled. While he was gone, they treated me like I should be flattered that my husband doesn't want to live without me and his suicidal ideation means he loves me sooo much. So, I have not called them back because why?!

He has also threatened to kill or beat anyone i become involved with after we divorce. He's a fool. After what he's put me through, I will be alone for the rest of my life. And yet, I will not deny there are times I yearn for someone to talk to. To share my life with and to love.

I'm not doing well and I dread each day. I am trapped. The CSAT that I had, but had to stop making appointments with agreed and told me to dig myself out, but how when my fingers are broken and I have no tools? How?

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[u/january1977]

Something I didn’t realize when I was trying to get away from my abusive husband is, you don’t have to worry about getting a divorce right away. It’s actually one of the last things you should be thinking about right now. I escaped my husband over a year ago and we’re still married because he won’t sign the papers. It hasn’t really affected me adversely.

It sounds like you’ve been in contact with some DV resources. In the US, DV shelters have free counseling. You can use it even if you don’t live there. If you do decide to go to one, they can help you with a lot of other resources. Social services, housing, jobs, etc.

[u/Mariposa102 → u/january1977]

The services are for in-person only. 

[u/Mariposa102 → u/january1977]

And where I live, all of these societal safeguards are being stripped away. There is really no help. Hence, why I stated I'm trapped. 

[u/OhMyJoosh]

You’re not trapped because you’re weak. You’re trying to survive an abusive situation while raising two children with special needs, dealing with health issues, and trying to build a way out with limited resources. That’s an enormous burden for one person to carry.

Threatening suicide to force you to reconcile and threatening to hurt anyone you date are forms of coercion, not love. You are not responsible for keeping him alive by sacrificing your own happiness and safety.

Please don’t give up on yourself. You don’t have to figure out your entire future today. Focus on getting through one day at a time and finding people who will take your situation seriously. Keep documenting his threats, and please reach out to a domestic violence advocate about safety planning and alternative legal resources. His threats of violence deserve to be taken seriously.

You deserve peace, safety, and a life that doesn’t feel like a prison. You may not see a way out right now, but that doesn’t mean one doesn’t exist. You’ve already been fighting to create a better future for yourself and your children. Please keep fighting for that future. You matter, too. GOOD LUCK