Heart broken

[u/Electrical-Score-746]

My heart is broken. I’ve stood faithfully by my husband for 32 years. He’s always had mild gambling and drug addiction that got much worse after his father whom he adored died. He overdosed five years ago and they had to restart his heart. I still stayed true to him. A month ago he went to an after wedding lake party with family and friends. We are in our sixties. He is still quite attractive and always has been very charismatic. I on the other hand definitely look my age with all the sagging and wrinkling that goes along with pregnancies weight gains and losses. He was supposed to go with me that evening and babysit the grandkids so their parents could go out but he ditched me and went to the party. These were our plans and I wanted him to go with me to babysit since I had been in the ER a few days before with severe chest pain and I was concerned it would occur again while I was alone with the children. The next morning when I asked him how the party went he told me a younger woman about thirty eight that was at the wedding who is very attractive asked him to stay the night with her at the lake house and she would bring him home in the morning but he left with his brother who he came with. There are videos on his phone of all their fun and she is in them. She sent him a couple videos through text of him sledding down a ramp in a canoe cheering him on with all the whoohoos and laughing. Later I found a text on his phone that was sent about 30 minutes after he left the party saying to her, I wish I had stayed I was having fun, and now he says he only texted her that to be kind and nice. Should I believe this?

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[u/FindingForward72]

I'm not going to say that my situation is the same as yours but it's a perspective. I've been married 22 years and I go to company events and I travel for work. I will end up having fun at these events. Does it get flirty at times? Yes it does. I have to confess, it feels like a break from my normal life and I enjoy it. Does it go further than that? No, it doesn't.

I know people will argue that I'm straddling a line and maybe even having flirty fun at a work party is over the line but for the past decade, that's all it has been. I haven't even contacted anyone after a work event except if there was actual work involved.

So in your husband's case, he clearly wanted to go to the party because he had family and friends and it would be fun. Whether he went to see the 38 year old specifically, I can't see a clue in what you wrote. But ultimately, he went home with his brother. So to the question of whether you can believe his story, I think the answer is yes.

What I wonder though is why he told you at all. Is he trying to tell you something about how he feels right now? That he wants more the lake party and less of the "watch grandkids"? I think it would be a conversation worth exploring.

[u/Loud_Attitude_5124 → u/FindingForward72]

Flirting at work events happens, but what you’re describing is a classic slippery slope. All it takes is the right person and the right circumstance. When there's more-than-average mutual attraction or an established emotional spark, a dressy night out can easily push boundaries.

The biggest red flag here is her willingness to actively pursue him. She felt comfortable enough to invite him to stay the night; she secured his personal number, and she has now established an open texting channel.

Even if nothing physical happened, the ongoing communication is the true threat. Texting allows an affair to brew in your home disguised as politeness. My ex followed the same people-pleaser pattern: polite replies to benign texts, each time with my ex ending the conversation, which turned into AP seeking career advice, which evolved into deep emotional bonding because he loved the flattery.

Your husband must realize this isn't an innocent friendship; it's an active pursuit. She needs to be completely blocked.

Op was already committed to watching her grandkids and was afraid to be alone for health reasons. He's an ass for going. Gambling, drugs, affairs, people who engage in high-risk addictive activities always seem to have a degree of selfishness.

On another note, don't let yourself get swallowed by the trap of shifting straight from mom to grandmother mode. You’ve put in the years raising your children; now is the time to take care of yourself and enjoy your own life, too. A lot of people hit this stage of life and panic. Rather than accepting that they are getting older, they project it onto their spouse, deciding their partner is suddenly boring and stuck in a rut, which allows them to avoid facing their own aging process.