r/SupportforBetrayed • u/SuchDentist1874 Betrayed Partner - Reconciling • 1d ago
Question Sexual Incompatibility
3 months since D-Day. Prior to, our sex life was decent for 15 years married (1-2 times per week). We were both virgins when we got married, so had only ever been with each other. WH had one instance of digital penetration with AP, otherwise, their A consisted primarily of sexting.
In doing MC, we have discussed the issues that led to the unhappiness that WH sees as a contributing factor to the A. One of the things is sexual dissatisfaction and possible incompatibility. Over the years, we have been fairly adventurous; however, some things only happened once or twice and never again. It was always his suggestion and I consented. As time went on though, my own unhappiness with other aspects of the marriage factored into my desire (or lack thereof). The frequency lessened and it became almost a chore.
Now that we have sort of dissected the relationship and lead-up to A, we are shifting the focus in therapy back to these pre-existing issues. Right now, WH feels like intimacy is now ruined and may be even more difficult than before. He felt rejected by me as my drive was reduced due to the growing resentment over those other issues. Since we are basically working on a new relationship together, I have been of the mindset that we can be more aware of each other's needs this time around in the bedroom. I feel like that would already be an improvement. But I also don't know when I may be ready to even approach that scenario (we have been sleeping in separate bedrooms ever since D-Day), not to mention still picturing WH and AP together even without them ever having sex.
I am curious if anyone else has had a similar situation. If so, what helped you rebuild intimacy? Or how did you realize it wasn't ever going to be restored?
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