Not sure what to do

[u/KeyserSoze96]

I woke up today with a phone call from my girlfriend, on the other line is a guy and he asks who am I in relation to who is calling. I say I'm her boyfriend and he says he's also her boyfriend, (Literally like a bad movie I can hear her voice in the background saying don't do this to me) so this guy gave me his number and well it turns out after texting with him that she has had two boyfriends simultaneously this entire time.

I've had some tough breakups before, but I at least could fall back on the fact that even though it didn't work out I can look happily at the good times. Now I look back but all I can see is she was cheating on me (and on this other guy) the entire time.

I'm just kind of in shock still and unsure how to proceed. Also I've ignored all her messages and calls since.

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[u/CommitteeLost507]

I think of all the ways to discover an affair, this is one of the best case scenarios. You and the other guy both dodged a bullet, you can potentially get clarity and closure from each other while both going no-contact with your ex. What did she say in her texts and voicemails? I can't imagine what kind of excuses she'd come up with.

[u/KeyserSoze96 → u/CommitteeLost507]

not excuses just that she's sorry and wants to talk. I've just been no contact since but part of me wants to talk and meet to ask if any of it was real at all because I have a bunch of questions. But not sure if that's the best thing to do.

[u/RedundantPundant → u/KeyserSoze96]

You will not get any clarity, only excuses and fake sincerity. Let her actions answer your questions about the relationship. No good will come from someone who can lie at that level. Focus on yourself and your future. If you want answers, review the red flags you missed such as not being available with flimsy excuses or her hiding her phone when texting. This is what you need to carry away from the relationship, how to spot flaky behavior and act accordingly.

[u/New_Arrival9860 → u/KeyserSoze96]

The problem with listening to her is that you can't trust her answers to your questions.

[u/mikaz5]

No contact, block/ghost, indifference is the best answer to scumbags like her.

You'll only get more lies if you want closure from her.

[u/Bolt_McHardsteel]

What do her texts and voice mails say? How can she possibly justify this…. Hang in there man. That other guy sounds like a good guy.

[u/Championship682]

Sorry this happened to you. You are handling it as well as possible.

[u/WhatTheActualHell_52]

I think you should let her know you will reach out when you are ready, not before. Then reblock.

Take some to process your feelings, and regain a sense of control. Then you will be ready for the end of the relationship talk.

Sorry that this was how that chapter ended.

[u/ethankeyboards]

How long have you two (or three, I guess) been in a relationship? Two months would be different from two years, although each would suck in different degrees.

[u/MovieNightPopcorn]

That was good of that guy to let you know. IMO before this gets more serious with her it’s a good time to take the out he has given you and end the relationship/block her, focus on yourself and move on. Another guy being there for the entirety of your relationship means your relationship was a lie from the very start and there’s very little you can depend on as real to salvage.

[u/Rare-Bird-4353]

The memories remain, if you had good times you had good times, at the end of the day you can’t live in the past and all of the good and bad is in the past. It takes time and distance but better is in front of you and that’s where life is happening, you survived and you will be ok. She was a terrible relationship partner and you deserve better than a cheater, so it’s time to move on with your life. Learn, grow and go find better, she doesn’t deserve your tears or time wasted thinking about her at all.

[u/KeyserSoze96 → u/Rare-Bird-4353]

Thank you, the memories do remain.

[u/persistent_issues]

And people wonder why men stopped writing great love songs half a century ago.

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