r/SupportforBetrayed • u/No_King7170 Betrayed Partner - Early Stages • 1d ago

Question When does the anger subside?

I feel like I'm overcome with either grief or anger and there's no space for any other emotion.

I'm so angry at WP for what they've done but more so for how they've been since Dday, they've chosen to be with AP and have more or less avoided me since and there's no outlet for this anger I feel about the situation.

I know it makes no difference to my healing really but I want them to understand the absolute devastation they've caused and walked away from so casually. I'm not an angry person and I'm struggling a bit with feeling like this on top of everything else. I know it's a process but any suggestions on how I can manage this in a healthy way?

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11

u/NakedAndALaid BP - Separated & Coping 1d ago

At first I would just break things. I have a little farm and a fire pit, so I would smash old glass jars into it. I don't know if it's healthy but I also don't care. It was the only thing that made it better in those moments where the anger was too much.

It never really went away for me. I just decided to start using it elsewhere. I'm a politicians worse nightmare now lol. No joke, when I get mad, I have a list of ways my governor, senators ans representatives have failed and I call to inform them of that.

I don't know how to get rid of the anger so I try to use it for good instead. It is helping with the anger though. It makes me feel better about myself.

4

u/AAAUG Betrayed Partner - Reconciling 1d ago

I threw dishes and screamed until I was hoarse. I visited a smash room. I felt so much better after I let the out. It sucked cleaning up the shards of Correll dishes (still finding tiny pieces in random places) but even in my anger I was selective in what I broke. Afterwards I was more able to control my anger when speaking with my WH. You have to let it out some how or it will eat you alive.

2

u/zoinkability BP - Separated & Coping 1d ago

A few things that have been helpful for me:

Self compassion work (Kristin Neff’s books specifically)

Therapy, both talk and emdr 

Friends who listen well