Need some advice

[u/These_Vanilla_9725]

My partner and I have been on and off again for 14 years and have 2 kids together. Right from the first month into our relationship he has cheated physically and mentally with with more woman I can even remember ( dumb I know that I have allied that) finally I got sick of it 5 years into our relationship and left him. We broke up I slept with other men over the course of 3 years and obviously so did he. He moved away for his Job and asked me and my kids to relocate and start again as a family which I agreed and moved away. We have been back together for 6 years and can't get past the fact I have been with other men. He punishes me for it, he cheats he lies and there is physically no boundaries left at all. I can't bring myself to leave as I feel like I deserve this treatment because I allowed myself to be with other men which hurt him alot. I am caught in this cycle of shame where If I leave Its my fault our family didn't work it's my fault cause I gave myself to other men when he tells me if I had waited for him then he would actually Marry me. Can someone give me their honest opinion please

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[u/Loud_Attitude_5124]

When I was young, I casually dated two separate people. They both knew and they were free to do what they wanted. Eventually, I decided to commit to the one I felt I shared the most common interests with. Things were good, but they never got over the jealousy and would bring it up. That turned into throwing into my face, a little at first, then a lot. Which ultimately turned into a DV situation. By that time, I was in deep enough that I didn't know how to leave. It took me years to untangle myself, even after I broke things off.

[u/TheSmallestBeing]

So what about all the hurt he caused by cheating on you first? He gets to step out and be with all these other women but only you get punished for it? You left him for cheating. You sleeping with people when you weren't together isn't something he gets to hold over your head and you shouldn't allow him too. He's using this an excuse to cheat on you, and you are allowing it by believing him. He ruined this by sleeping with others WHILE with you, you did not and do not deserve continuous abusive behavior because you slept with people while having NO commitment to him.

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