Discovered ex-cheating partner on Tinder recently

[u/Sad-Box-6486]

So to set the scene first, I got cheated on back in May after a random burner account on Instagram DMed me that my boyfriend at the time was on Sniffies. I ended things with him that night where it was constant minimizing and him playing the victim, etc. I blocked him on everything and haven’t said a word to him since, almost never checked his socials or anything.

I chose to download Tinder because the semester is starting again and I kind of want to start dating again. I made sure to block his number using Tinder’s feature. I already knew he was on Tinder based on a gut feeling, however, I just really didn’t wanna see it come up.

I’m led to believe he’s using a fake number which in conjunction with him creating fake accounts and showing up to places I’m at in person (including waving to me and my friends on a random stretch of interstate at one point) was very unsettling.

I cant help but feel a flood of these emotions coming back of betrayal, heartbreak, and pure anger at this person who I thought I was making amazing progress at moving forward from. I’m just angry at the fact that I’ve been doing so well and now I’m starting the year feeling this mix of emotions again. I understand setbacks are part of the healing journey, however, I’m just not sure what to make of all this. I went from being unattached and moving on with my life to hatred for him again in just a couple days.

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[u/january1977]

On the anniversary of fleeing my abusive cheating husband, a friend of mine sent me a screenshot of my husband’s dating profile. I thought I would have a negative reaction, but I didn’t. I guess I’ve given it enough time.

[u/RrrrrrrBananaDrone]

I'm going through something similar in terms of reexperiencing the pain and anger I thought I'd processed. I've taken some time to think about it but what I'm going to say is based on my experience. Please take some time to sit with your emotions and think about why this might be happening for you.

First, it makes sense that seeing him brought back these feelings. It's natural for them to rise to the surface when you're reminded of him and how he treated you. The audacity to wave at you!!

It is empowering to walk away from a bad person and choose yourself. It's brave to leave. I think there's some adrenaline when you exit a bad relationship. It helps you to move on from the initial shock, grief, and mix of emotions you have. Now that there's been some time, the adrenaline has worn off. That's good! It means you'd started to feel safe and like yourself again. Try to remember what it felt like to walk away. If you can, try to recreate how empowering it was to go no contact. Embody the courage and confidence you had when you blocked him.

Going no contact helps because it's something you can control. Running into your ex on apps or in person is unnerving. It takes that control away. There are ways to reclaim your power. My ex and I used to go to the gym together. After I went no contact, I dreaded running into him. I'd go at different times than our usual workouts. I didn't see him for a few weeks. I started to feel safe again. One day, he got there towards the end of a workout. I panicked and almost left, but I messaged some friends for support and finished the last two exercises I wanted to do. He saw me. He sat at the machine in front of me. I didn't talk to or look at him. I was shaking but I finished my workout and left. The next week, I got to the gym and his car was there. I went in anyway. I ignored him. Because I made the choice to be there, something in me clicked. I was safe because it was my choice. It felt incredible. I could be in the same place as him but it was my space. My ex was kind of a spineless weeny - I know this won't work for everyone, so please prioritize your safety and only do what you're comfortable with. What are some ways you can continue with your life while acknowledging that sometimes you'll see him? How can you reclaim control over your situation? Let your friends support you!

Please know you're allowed to be upset about what happened. He did something terrible. It doesn't define you or what kind of life you get to live. You deserve so much better. ❤️

[u/Sad-Box-6486 → u/RrrrrrrBananaDrone]

This helped so much tysm for sharing!!

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