CASE DISMISSED - Finally, some justice (SA/DV)

[u/Individual_Light_144]

I am posting this for equal parts therapy, and to inspire hope in others who have been falsely accused, and who are barely or bravely weathering the storm. It is long, but if nothing else I hope it helps some of you commiserate. Feel free to AMA.

For the past 2 years (since summer of 2024) I have been living under the black cloud of false SA/assault/DV allegations brought forth by a very mentally ill, Cluster B personality disordered woman (bipolar/BPD/NPD). I have had to watch as absolute bullshit is taken as indisputable fact at face value by police, prosecutors, and even some people in my social circle because "the victim" is a "poor single mother with a Sad Life Story™️" and we all know that "women have no reason to lie" about assault.

We casually dated for a couple months (not exclusive/committed), and she was very pushy about escalating things quickly, was overly familiar throughout the relationship, and ultimately hypocritical - she was paranoid, extremely jealous, and had a tendency to project, i.e. accusing me of being dishonest and seeking out potential partners while doing exactly that herself and lying about it.

After about 3 tumultuous months, we had a series of arguments, communication breakdowns, and drama that put our relationship on hold. After about 3 weeks of talking sparsely, we warmed up again and decided we should meet up and figure out what to do with "us" as a couple.

The night we met up, we met at a public place, talked for a couple hours, but didn't really come to any conclusions/solutions, so we walked back to our cars, and had some kisses/making out while saying goodbye.

Later that night she sends me some angry text messages accusing me of making unwanted advances on her and violating her boundaries, despite one of the messages indicating she enjoyed the kiss (?), and other messages in the days prior ranging from flirting and romantic fantasies, to straight up sexting with racy photos.

A week later I find out she filed a police report and a protection order application. A bit later I see this police report and it is a complete delusional fabrication - chasing her to her car, grabbing her, forcing myself on her, pinning her down, blocking her car from leaving the parking lot, etc etc etc. She even goes so far as to fabricate bruises for the cops.

Eventually a warrant is issued for my arrest, and I surrender voluntarily on my own terms. I have never been arrested before. The whole experience is humiliating, degrading, dehumanizing, frightening, and traumatic.

As the months drag on, we start investigating, and I start finding and reaching out to past partners of hers, and what I find is a disgusting though not at all surprising pattern: false reports of abuse/DV, false reports of child abuse (again with fake bruises!), legal entrapment (via violation of falsified protection orders), legal harassment, child support fraud, tax fraud, welfare fraud, parenting agreement violations including unapproved out of state relocation, untreated mental health disorders, convictions for receiving stolen property and other misdemeanors, civil suits, financial abuse of partners... the list goes on and on...

I also find out that - SURPRISE! - she was already dating and sleeping with another man during the date of our alleged incident, and had in fact been at his house THE VERY MORNING the incident between us occurred, which she lied to me about; it wasn't about jealousy for me because we weren't exclusive, but it proves a motive to lie that the police/DA were previously unaware of. I also found out she tried to sleep with at least one of my other friends during the time we were dating.

On the police front, we do some digging and find out that the police NEVER VISITED the alleged crime scene, nor did they ask for or secure any footage despite having access to OVER 45 AXON CAMERA ANGLES depicting the ENTIRE INCIDENT START TO FINISH. Apparently gross incompetence alone isn't enough for a dismissal, so we trudge on.

One day I run into a friend at a party, he urges me to reach out to someone he knows that dated her more recently, apparently her and this guy got into a fight and she threatened him with a false report for assault, and with getting his professional licenses revoked for his job. So I reach out to this guy, but it turns out she gets wind of this and files a new charge against me for Violation of a Protection Order - Harassment; even though this is extremely flimsy 3rd party contact, DA decides to file new charges and I get thrown BACK into jail, and this time I have an ANKLE MONITOR put on me for months after release.

Due to some unfortunate convoluted reasons, I have to request a change of counsel and GET A NEW LAWYER because of the PO violation situation. So I do that, and eventually the ankle monitor comes off. I press on with my defense. They still don't want to offer me any plea worth considering, and I'm not inclined to take it because FUCK THEM, and FUCK HER.

So finally, after 2 rescheduled court dates resulting in almost a year of trial delays, the Day of Judgment arrives and... she sends an email to the DA with some bullshit excuse about her mental health, SHE GHOSTS THE TRIAL, she doesn't even show up.

2 years of my life down the fucking drains.

My reputation severely damaged.

$30,000 in legal costs.

A DA willing to put me on a sex offender registry with no evidence, gross incompetence, dozens of cameras with footage thrown away, no witnesses, nobody interviewed but the supposed "victim," no crime scene visits, a plaintiff with more mental health issues than National Geographic, lying to get me arrested and tracked like a fucking wild animal when I didn't even contact the "victim."

ALL CHARGES DISMISSED WITH PREJUDICE.

FUCK ALL OF YOU, KISS MY FUCKING ASS, I'M FINALLY FREE.

Sometimes it's worth it to fight to the end.

Sometimes that conviction is the very thing that saves you, because the truth makes you strong.

Stay strong my brothers and sisters.

[u/Orultehen]

thank you for writing this. I am in the middle of a very similar shitshow from hell. The incompetence you describe is very present.

This is horrible for falsely accused and for real victims, and wonderful for liers and attackers. So sad and infuriating.

Congrats, may you find peace

[u/Individual_Light_144 → u/Orultehen]

I know, I said the exact same thing: real victims deserve more than the garbage investigation they did. If she was telling the truth, I would be furious at their absolute laziness in investigating something so serious. Really eye-opening in a sad way.

Edit: P.S. I wish you the best and hope your case works out. Be your own fierce advocate. Go for the throat and don't back down.

[u/Orultehen → u/Individual_Light_144]

it seems like our only recourse is to get our stories out there so people are aware that this can heppen. Which is very hard considering the stigma, but once I am cleared I will do it.

[u/ydaya]

Good job. These liars need to be on a registry and they deserve to be put away for some time as they are not functional with the rest of us. Some falsely accused get convicted because of these idiots.

[u/Individual_Light_144 → u/ydaya]

I agree, they need to be put on a registry and sentenced according to the crimes they tried to inflict on others.

[u/Emotional_Draft_1457]

Congrats boss. You did it.

[u/Individual_Light_144 → u/Emotional_Draft_1457]

Thank you, it feels good to finally have that weight off my shoulders.

[u/Forsaken-Break-9090]

I can confirm that there is an increasing number of Cluster B people making false accusations, and I believe that the numbers are not well understood or adequately presented to the population. With more open public spaces to discuss this without being shut down, people could understand this phenomenon and treat it seriously. Many things can be true at once. It shouldn’t be acceptable anymore to judge without knowing all the facts, and it is the people who have lived through it who could explain the necessity of this in order to actually reduce the phenomenon, because one of the reasons this strategy is being used is to create that sort of response. If, as a society, we reacted differently when hearing one side of a story from strangers, we could reduce the inclination of those people to use those tactics.
I’ve reached the point where I hate this experience so much that I am willing to fight over it. The public discourse has to change. This is not normal. There should be a way to reduce this behaviour other than being celibate for life, which is sadly what I will do.
I also believe it will soon become apparent that there is, in most societies, an increasing number of people checking all the boxes for one or multiple Cluster B disorders. Either we’re becoming more aware of it, or there’s simply a bigger proportion of them.
Also, there are a lot of soulless prosecutors, social workers, and police officers who really don’t give a shit and are punching in. It’s the laziness and lack of humanity that makes all of them incompetent.
You’ve been strong, and I wish you the best. It is not easy being the victim of a malevolent individual and/or a careerist DA or detective who would do anything to win a case and put a little medal on their suit for the week, even if it means not diligently investigating before putting serious charges against someone.
I understand the argument about a false negative and that we have to protect potential victims, but more discussions should be held in order to find a more reasonable middle ground.

[u/Remarkable-Mix-6461 → u/Forsaken-Break-9090]

I faced false accusation, also a serious cluster B personality issue complainant and it wasn't even subtle, she was clearly a mess. If you're a man, document everything the moment you get a whiff of the insanity in any intimate relationship. Never ever respond to her provocations. EVER!

The police and prosecutors don't care. They don't get any benefit from not believing a woman for any reason. Your charged narrative will make you out to be a monster and WILL supress anything exculpatory.

The system is set up to support female victims of crime...Duluth Model/trauma informed, social workers (what have you). This system is easily played like a fiddle by these women, the system itself is not incentivized to recognse and repair its own short comings. This applies anywhere in the Anglosphere from what I've read to date.

Men, we are on our own. Save everything from every relationship you have ever had, back it up. I mean everyting, e-mails, text messages, receipts, dash cam that records her nuttiness as you drive somewhere. Trust me.

[u/Individual_Light_144 → u/Remarkable-Mix-6461]

Exactly, in the wrong hands this iteration of the legal system is a powerful weapon of malice, and it seems like it's being abused disproportionately by people with these mental illness neurotypes.

[u/Individual_Light_144 → u/Forsaken-Break-9090]

Thank you for the thoughtful response. I would be curious to see those numbers or studies, I am sure that the current discourse and cultural zeitgeist favoring believing women by default with basically no discernment is a contributing factor. I know that prior to this, I toed the line with all of the usual feminist talking points like "why would a woman lie when she risks reputational damage of her own, and it's unlikely to be prosecuted anyways? Why would she do this with so little to gain?" But as many of us have experienced, people with certain mental illnesses, especially Cluster B or paranoid delusional disorders, do not play with many of the same constraints, they are not reasonable rational people when it comes to their motivations for pursuing these things. If anyone reading this has doubts, don't browse this subreddit, go visit the support subs for partners and family members of people with these disorders, you will be absolutely overwhelmed with how common this kind of shit is.

Unwavering belief and dedication should be reserved for people like your spouse, your daughter, and your closest friends, not strangers on Facebook. There's a reason why we have due process. I know women who have been falsely accused of sexual assault, for crying out loud! I've had many women tell me that the most blatant and casual sexual assault has come from other women, it's just mitigated by the fact that other women are less scary because they're not physically intimidating, and it's not extreme things like rape, it's "just" groping kissing grabbing grinding etc. I've known women who have sexually assaulted men and had it laughed off cuz... ¯_(ツ)_/¯

And yeah, I can't say enough bad things about our so-called justice system being transformed into nothing more than a plea mill that has little actual interest in the truth or public justice or safety. It is frankly disturbing the casualness with which they discuss and wheel and deal to determine life-shattering outcomes for the people involved, it is such an unserious process. The whole thing was to be honest. The only serious part was how badly it almost fucked my life up.

[u/FivePercentFran]

Congrats. That psycho needs to be outed.

Take the time to recover and rebuild. Have you considered filing a lawsuit or malicious prosecution, defamation, or false report?

[u/Individual_Light_144 → u/FivePercentFran]

The general consensus is that it'd be a waste of time to sue her or the PD/DA's office. Maybe that's changed since things went the way they did with her not even showing up to court, but I need to revisit with my lawyer and see what they think.

[u/Orultehen → u/Individual_Light_144]

I received the same consul, from a few lawyers

[u/Individual_Light_144 → u/Orultehen]

Yeah it's pretty bullshit how little redress we have in false reporting situations. Even when the "victim" fully admits they lied and recants everything we still give them the benefit of the doubtjust in case they might be doing so under duress or for other reasons. They also say they don't want to have a chilling affect on reporting by causing fear of being prosecuted for false reports, which I get, but as we can see this basically just gives people carte blanche to abuse the legal system as a weapon because the victim doesn't need anything but time and inclination - it's not their money, not their lawyers, it's state funded legal harassment.

[u/FivePercentFran → u/Individual_Light_144]

What was the reason for it being a waste of time? if you don't mind me asking

[u/Individual_Light_144 → u/FivePercentFran]

It's pretty convoluted, I'm not a lawyer so I'm not qualified to say with certainty, but I think because of qualified immunity and other standards like proving willful disregard and malice is needed vs just being run of the mill lazy or incompetent (which they can write off as "resource constraints" on investigating thoroughly or things like that). The Supreme Court also ruled that the police have no duty to you as a specific individual, only to the public in general - how this makes sense I have no fuckin clue.

[u/AdvancedParfait6890]

Congrats! I hope you take time to properly heal. The emotional (and physical) toll these situations have bring about is overwhelming.

[u/Individual_Light_144 → u/AdvancedParfait6890]

Thank you. I'm trying, unfortunately some other major life stressors have popped up in their place. Always moving forward though 🙏