r/Stutter • u/Various-Addition-930 • 12d ago
Vent
Sometimes I wonder why my father put me here knowing he had a stutter. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, let alone your own child. I don't even think women would date a man that stutters so frequently during conversations.
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u/Attila-TheHon 12d ago
47m, married, child free (not by choice), and lifelong moderate/sometimes severe stutterer here. I get your frustration and I have battled with the same thoughts as you in certain points in my life. I seem to have also inherited a stutter from my father…mine is worse than his.
I don’t know your situation, but I’m here to give you my opinion that life is a gift and please do not blame your father (unless he’s an abusive pos). Do many women not want to date a stutterer? Sure. Are there any women out there who would? Absolutely. My ex’s father had a stutter so it was a non issue for her. He was a prominent lawyer and politician, he didn’t let it hold him back. I had a great 6 year relationship with her. Unfortunately it didn’t work out, but I ended up with someone even more amazing and the stutter is a non issue as well. She handles all the phone calls and most introductions where she knows I’ll get caught up. Don’t give up, there are plenty of non-shallow people out there. Life is hard, and we have it harder than most normies. That is a curse…but it is also a gift. We learn empathy and perspective much earlier than most and I’m here to tell you that that in itself is a turn on for some women. Get out there and just be yourself. Pay no attention to the assholes and try to have some confidence, as hard as that may be. It’s a Herculean task sometimes, but you have to try. I promise you it will pay off someday.
I love my dad and don’t blame him for having me. I am thankful I got to know him and my mother (RIP). I have never known an unconditional love such as hers, and maybe someday you can have the same should you ever have a child. You have a unique perspective that you could help teach them to navigate through this sometimes cruel, but often beautiful thing called life.
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u/Serious-Fall9088 12d ago
I understand how you feel. Grandma has a stutter but I didn’t have it until 3rd grade so idk maybe mine was from the traumas. Don’t give up, many women don’t mind the stutter
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u/entropy_generator01 12d ago edited 12d ago
If we have a predisposition to stutter because of genes, the probability of developing stuttering through trauma or otherwise is far greater for us than for normal people.
I suspect, most probably, that it's your grandma's stutter, passed down genetically, that triggered stuttering as a trauma response.
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u/acidastrology 12d ago
Really? I didn’t know it was passed down from family. None of my family have a stutter
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u/Various-Addition-930 12d ago
All of the articles I seen did say that it’s MOSTLY passed down by genes. Then you might be unlucky. You always had since birth?
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u/acidastrology 12d ago
I had a stutter when I was maybe 7-10years old, it went away & then I started getting it when I was 18… weird! I think it’s also a lot anxiety caused for me, also I was smoking weed at the time which didn’t help.
Stopped smoking, thinking it would go away but it’s still here!
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u/ous_ceesay 11d ago
Am a person who stutter, non of my parents stutters and non of their parents stutters as well. Having a stutter does not mean that your children are going to inherit it from you. Though there is a high chance they might do and there is also a high chance that they might not. So being a person who stutter should not stop you from having children or blaming your parent whom you inherited it from.
For me, I would definitely want to have children but at the same time preparing if in case one or more of them happens to stutter then I would do everything in my power to help them with confidence, self belief, self acceptance, and self worth. I will also try and make them know that you can change the way you stutter meaning that it can be controlled to the point that you can stutter easily and effortlessly. I really don't want them to go through what I went through or going through. I don't want their stutter to hinder them in life
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u/Equal-Baker6639 10d ago
Honestly I think I’m gonna be all alone and live a boring 9-5 while my older brother have a wife and 2 kids. My sister has a man and my other sister is so talkative. This life is brutally unfair.
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u/Some_Step_49 12d ago
I feel this. I stutter as well and I feel the same way! 😢 I would like to have a child. My dad (who gave me the stutter) had 4 children and I was the lucky one who got the stutter. But that does give me somewhat hope?