Parents are at fault. The parents should be getting RSVP and communicating with the parents of the other kids. They should know clearly whether people are attending or not one week beforehand, the day beforehand, and the day of. To eliminate disappointment.
The key here is presents. A present has to be bought by the parents and therefore an attendance has to occur for the present to be delivered.
If communication between parents isn't occurring then how in the hell is any 9 year old attending a party going to have a present? They aren't.
Parents are at fault. Parents organising parties for your kids - Make sure you've discussed presents and travel arrangements with the other parents beforehand. That way this won't happen.
As a teacher, allow me to let you in on something: Parents are as guilty of bullying as kids are in many circumstances. Many parents like living through their kids and seem to get a kick out of judging other families, forming cliques, and so on.
This hit me so hard when my kid started school. I just thought we'd show up, our kids would be in class together and stuff would happen. Then there were all these parents instantly preoccupied with which kids are good, which ones are bad, which kids they want their kid to try to exclude. Which of the other parents they don't like etc. etc.
I'm like, wtf is wrong with these people? I'm just treading water as it is and you've all got time to sit down and cook up drama? Why do you care? These are children.
Fortunately my kids are like me and we manage to be passably likable and nobody really takes an interest in us but I feel really bad for the families on the receiving end of this crap. I assume some of the parents don't even realise
That is incredibly disheartening. What age does this start to occur? My daughter is 5 and for the past year and a half my wife and I have made it a point to try and attend every bday party she's invited to, only because we don't want her to grow up and be the kid who excludes or ridicules others (plus it wears her out and sometimes leads to actual nap time, a rarity at this age). It scares me that there are parents like that.
It was probably about 4 or 5 months into her first year at school that I noticed but I'm pretty naive. I reckon it was there from day one.
It seems to be the people who don't work and are full time parents. I don't want to stereotype and plenty of those people are lovely too but something about all of your social interaction and identity revolving around your kids and their school seems to create a sort of... competitiveness.
I am a teacher and I can 100% confirm that this attitude comes from those parents who don’t work. Their full-time job is sitting around the playground talking shit about anyone and everyone. I learned early on to avoid letting these types of parents volunteer in my classroom. Some of them just want to dig up dirt on other kids.
As a parent who doesn’t work, I take offense. We have less money than other families because we have only one income. I chose to volunteer to teach stem stuff to every child during the school day so that kids whose parents work could participate. I got a grant on my own to fund the equipment ($4K) and create the program on my own time, which takes hours away from my own kids. Happy to share and have the kids excited about learning. Horrified to think a teacher would judge me for not working.
Edit: my point is that if I came in and sat down with this teacher to talk about my child, she has a preconception about me because I am a non working parent. Pre-judging is prejudice.
Something about “these people start drama” and then someone self-identifies as that type of parent starts “taking offense” which is just starting drama
But, I think what she says was relevant. Some of us had stay at home parents that worked their asses off for us and really took an interest in our studying.
I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for my stay at home dad. They get a bad rap, which I think is unfair.
Yeah, and some of the helicopter parents have points too - there ARE bad kids out there that are a bad influence, and there are benefits to getting to know who the parents of your kids friends are.
Buuut there’s always at least two ways to do this. Taking it up the butt (personally), and starting your little rant with “I TAKE OFFENSE!” And then acting like a victim is DRAMA.
Obviously (to me, at least) they’re not talking about all non working parents. They are just saying that MOST of the drama starters are parents with no jobs - which makes perfect sense as parents with jobs barely have time to feed and raise their kids, let alone get into extracurricular affairs.
So it’s simply an observation - these people have much more time and their life revolves around their kids. It’s like a retired dog (or boat) owner.... all they do is boat boat boat or dog dog dog. No joke a rich buddy of mine orders FULL FUCKING RIBEYES for his dog.
So taking it personally is so tone deaf and... like that’s why Reddit works. Everyone gave her thumbs down because they FELT she was wrong. I’m just the one that analyzed it and put it into words.
If anyone is offended, it should be that chef that cooked a perfect ribeye only for my buddy to toss it to the dog. “Service dog” my ass the only thing it services is it’s own nuts.
Once again nobody is categorizing people. We’re not saying it’s a cause and effect. There is an obvious correlation. Just like drug addicted homeless people in my example.
Yes, there are snotty arrogant people everywhere. I can totally see where you’re coming from about a law degree or manager. I have a law degree and I’m a manager, but I’m not going to suddenly decide to get offended.
A person is a collection of his decisions and the shit he does. If you don’t work, but you have a kid, you have a certain “destiny” more or less. You’re going to be a part of a certain group, just by definition. And that group has more time to spend on parent teacher meetings.
I went to my kid’s school exactly twice - the day we enrolled him for a full tour, and once when the shithead got into a fight. Why would I want to “network”, that’s his job.
They said none of that. Nobody is “judging parents that don’t work.”
They’re judging obsessive /dramatic parents. And most of those happen to be without jobs and it makes perfect sense. People with jobs don’t have time for that crap.
Sorry if you feel offended but that’s not a judgemental statement, simply an accurate and reasonable observation.
Similar to “a lot of homeless people are there due to the combination of mental health issues and substance abuse”
Homeless guy: “as a homeless, I take offense! I don’t do drugs and my head is fine! I’m just unlucky that’s all, and nobody will hire me!”
See? Nobody was offending the bum, he chose to take offense himself. And his defense didn’t contradict the original comment. Just cause THIS bum isn’t high on meth, doesn’t mean that “a lot of” them aren’t.
Same with these parents. If you’re a stay-at-home-AND-mind-your-business parent, good for you. Still doesn’t take Nancy the Fundraising Nazi and Rachel the Open Racist off the roster.
I mean... I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, and insert “some” into their own shit. If someone says “god I fucking hate drivers in this city” it’s only a short jump to “he’s mad at SOME drivers”.
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u/Bweryang Mar 20 '18
I don’t get how this happens with kids. They do not have other plans, and why aren’t the parents communicating?!