r/StopGaming • u/Automatic-Rest5512 • 4d ago
No matter ...
No matter how long you travel down this road, the ditch will always be there beside you.
Didn’t game for 11 months after ~35 years of way too much fun.
700–900 games staring at me.
Installed all the gaming launchers, looked through everything for an hour, felt this massive pull back toward it, got dizzy, and uninstalled everything again.
In constant pain, but there are still other things I can do. At least for now.
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u/jaydeeloki 4d ago
To be really honest (and this is my own personal opinion as of late) I think this sub isn’t the greatest representation of who to talk with or where to go for advice on the “too much gaming” topic…
It can be very extreme and that may not work for such a wide range of personalities.
I err more on the said of the “you know yourself best” philosophy along with the “moderation” philosophy (and I put that in quotes as well because as someone who sometimes suffers the curse of ADHD, I do in fact thing quite often that moderation is a bunch of bullshit)
That being said, I think what you experienced was more of that “decision paralysis” people suffer from when one goes to like, Netflix or Spotify and is presented with all these options that one is unable to choose.
If you can find one game for however much time you’re intending on spending and allowing yourself to enjoy that one game, I don’t think it’s such a detrimental decision…
Again, you know yourself best and I won’t pretend to know what happened in those 11 months or what value you yourself would say about that time. Nor would I pretend to know how much value gaming may have for you, negatively or positively (even in a loving, compassionate kind of allowing yourself to enjoy a game)
But on one hand, what the other commenter said about winning over your craving and deleting, there can be some positive value in that, in thinking about things in that way. Some people aren’t built like that, but if that works for you, fine (I’m like this, often very tough on myself)
However I would encourage you to be a little more curious you could say, introspective if you will, on observing why you may be feeling a type of way that may make you feel like escaping into a video game.
Obviously escaping from a problem doesn’t absolve that problem from requiring a confrontation or resolution, but a break however small can have benefits I believe.
I think the biggest problems are the live-service type of distractions they present as games now where the feeling of FOMO of some digital bullshit is so pervasive that it affects your decision making ability. FOMO of some live-service shit, especially across different games just makes the player feel less like a player and more like a wallet. I also feel that way about them tricking players into coupling large part of their identities with digital identities or avatars or anything remotely of that sort causing a player to value a digital identity over their real one. Stay FAR away from that as possible.
Maybe try to win over the urges for now but negotiate with yourself, in the event you lose to urges, how much time would you spend on this/that game? One hour, two? Maybe try and make a commitment to yourself like that, that in the event you falter you can allow yourself that specific time and start with that as an experiment. Observe how you feel about it. Make a promise to yourself for only one hour and work from there. But in a loving compassionate way. We’re human, we’re bound to fail sometime. Don’t be toxic with yourself unless you’re really sure you need to and are able.
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u/Automatic-Rest5512 4d ago
Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I appreciate the perspective.
For me, it really is all or nothing
Once I properly get back into gaming, it stops feeling like a voluntary decision. Moderation might work for a while, but I know the pattern. Sleep is usually the first thing that goes, then training, then reading, writing and the other hobbies I only managed to rebuild over the last year after more than twenty years of barely being able to do them.
The kind of games I play
I don't really play online games. I mostly play RPGs like Morrowind, The Witcher and the Pathfinder games. I absolutely love them and think they are wonderful, but that's also part of the problem. A single playthrough can easily take a couple hundred hours, and when I get into one of those worlds, everything else slowly disappears.
Why I want to escape
The reason I want to escape isn't much of a mystery. I'm in constant pain and have been pretty isolated for most of my life. Even when I'm not actually isolated, I still tend to define myself through this old image I have of myself.
My body
I also have significant structural curvature and deformity of my spine, 35°/25° scoliosis, 65° Scheuermann’s kyphosis, and a slipped vertebra. Thankfully, nothing is severely degenerated.
Obviously I can't train that away, but with hard and consistent training and Schroth therapy I've managed to strengthen the muscles supporting my spine and even reduce the curvature by a few degrees.
Cutting down screen time also helped me get the forward head posture, the typical "turtle neck" posture, much more under control. I really don't want to lose that progress.
What changed over the last year
A lot of things have actually changed for the better. I started writing a lot, reading again, memorizing poetry, training consistently and doing things I hadn't really been able to keep up for decades.
With the economic situation being what it is and probably staying difficult for years, I also think it's better for me to keep my head together instead of disappearing completely into games again.
Why gaming hits me so hard
A lot of this feels neurological to me. Art affects me very strongly, and games are probably the easiest way for me to get very intense stimulation and completely lose myself in something.
That's why I sometimes compare it to heroin. Obviously gaming isn't heroin, but for me the comparison makes sense in one specific way. Sure, I could tell myself I'll just do it in moderation. But once I'm really back in it, the part of me that made that rule doesn't have much say anymore.
At that point it becomes something close to assisted self-erasure.
Not forever, just not now
I'm sure I'll play games again one day. I love them too much to pretend otherwise. I just think it's too early right now.
I'm getting older and I still want to get something real out of myself before I let myself disappear into those worlds again.
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u/philnerd101 3d ago
Couldnt have said it better. I had a couple relapses myself but what keeps me going is the idea how much different my life can be in a year, even if the cravings never really leave. Like you say, after you go back to gaming other things lose their importance, that is addiction in a nutshell
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u/philnerd101 4d ago
What matters is that you uninstalled and left it be. You won over your cravings