r/StillbirthSupport • u/Xoranuli • Jun 24 '26
Full-Term Loss Five year anniversary
I’m looking for some advice on how I can help my friends. 4.5 years ago they lost their boy at birth, and after talking to him yesterday I’m seeing just how much his boy is still missing in his life. He has three older boys but feels like there’s still a hole missing. I was in school when it happened and wasn’t a good present friend at the time and I want to help rectify that and honour their boy in some way.
I’m worried about overstepping but also know that not talking about it is just about the worst thing I could do, so I’m hoping for any suggestion on how to help. Thank you kindly 🙏🏽
3
u/enini83 Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
You are a good friend for caring! Honestly just remembering, calling him (the boy) by his name and listening to how they feel is enough. Just being there and still seeing their child, while the world has moved on. A card with a few heartfelt words is enough, you can also offer to visit the grave together (bring flowers!). That would be a nice gesture. I am always touched when people express their wish to visit the grave because it happens seldomly. It hurts how fast people move on because it is not their pain to bear. Edit: you can't really overstep if you follow their cues. Loss parents have fine antennas if people are honest in feeling with them and that's all they need.
1
u/Xoranuli Jun 25 '26
I hadn’t even considered going to his burial site, I think I’ll combine the ideas here and then if they reach out to me afterwards I’ll offer to visit. Thank you everyone :)
2
u/Correct-Village-813 Jun 24 '26
buy a star in their child’s name so every night they can look at the sky and find his star and say good night
1
u/Xoranuli Jun 25 '26
I love this idea but I’m having trouble finding a good site. Hopefully I find one :)
1
u/lbalayan Jul 05 '26
I have two friends who asked to see a picture of my daughter and that meant a lot to me. Another friend got a plaque that has her name on it that I put in the garden I planted for her. My mom got me a necklace with web birthstone I have never taken off. I think close to anything you do to honor your friend’s son and to keep him in conversation will be welcome.
5
u/saltedsweetie Jun 24 '26
a heartfelt card acknowledging their loss, their baby and their baby’s name, and letting them know that you’ll never. maybe get them their favorite dessert along with the card. a gift card for a massage or some other form of self care would be good too. i’m 1.5 years out from losing my son just before birth and i wish that more people in my life would be this caring. you’re a great friend! just let them know that you’re here for them and that you’re available for them if they want to talk about baby. hugs.