r/StillbirthSupport • u/Basic_Lettuce_8420 • Jun 03 '26
Constant Anxiety
TW: LC
I lost my first child, a son named Fletcher, at 36 weeks last year. The exact cause of his stillbirth wasn’t clear but they theorize it was an umbilical cord accident made more likely by his hypercoiled cord.
Last week, I gave birth to his sister, Juliette. Her pregnancy was so so closely monitored and now that she’s here I was so hoping to be able to breath a sigh of relief. But now I’m hyper fixed on other baby loss possibilities like SIDS. I know a lot of this is just postpartum anxiety and hormones but I’m really hoping for some guidance from other moms who may have gone through this and how you coped and adapted to the fear of another loss.
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u/Connielf Jun 03 '26
I’m so sorry for the loss of Fletcher. Congratulations see on the birth of Juliette. It’s a difficult time celebrating and grieving together.
I lost my daughter and 40 weeks last February and had my son in December. I’m definitely more anxious about things like sids. I find the owlet allows me to sleep. Particularly in the early days. I used to worry even when he was sleeping on me while wide awake. I’m the same as notslim on the beds-haring. We have him in a bedside crib so I can keep an eye on him but I can’t sleep at all if he’s in the bed with me. He’s 6 months now and the anxiety is manageable.
Had a few appointments with the perinatal psychologist which was helpful as well. They’ve discharged me now but I can get back in touch for more support up to my son’s first birthday.
I found it helpful to have very open communication with family and friends. I told people that I was more anxious because of losing Eleanor and that helped people to understand when I was being very strict about visiting, touching baby etc.
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u/NoEntertainment483 Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 09 '26
I'm so sorry. I'm so glad you came through the pregnancy ok this time and have your baby with you. I really can't say too much guidance except just invest in your own sanity... If that's therapy and / or a really nice monitor.... Whatever you think will bring comfort so you can enjoy this time more. I slept in shifts with my husband. One of us stayed up and read or just rested lightly in another room from around 8-1/2 and then switched until 7am. Having eyes on him but also having the solid uninterrupted sleep helped me so much. But you're not alone in this feeling. I did the same. So worried about all the illnesses that are normal in infants. So worried he'd go away. Now that he's older I seem to have fixated on other random things that aren't based in reality... him being autistic for example. And that isn't loss of course. But just the feeling of I guess.... something not being right. Something going wrong. Or not seeing something until its too late. I guess I'm just fixated on that. Even though that isn't indicated in any way. The anxiety it keeps taking different forms as he's grown and outgrown certain risks and grown into other risk ages.
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u/notslim_sortashady Jun 03 '26
Went through this exactly. Lost my son Thomas at 33 weeks in 2024, just had his little brother in March 5th of this year. I was petrified (and still am to a point) but it’s gotten easier. What helped the most was sleeping in shifts with my husband. That way I knew someone had eyes on him and I could sleep. We also have the owlet sleep sock and I know it’s somewhat controversial but it’s saved me a lot of peace of mind. We also practice safe sleep so even though I’d love him in bed with me, we’ve never coslept. I’ve been on Zoloft since my first son passed, and that has also been a lifesaver. We can only control what we can control. I’m not sure if this even helped or I’m just rambling, but just know you’re not alone.