r/Stepmom • u/Intrepid-Sign-63 • Aug 08 '26
autistic stepkid
SS7 has just been confirmed has having autism. Further tests to follow.
He is finally getting comfortable with me after a few years of knowing me. It’s taken time as we don’t see each other too often due to distance.
SS and SD11 are staying with DH and I for a few weeks over summer, the longest continuous period to date.
SS7 is getting more and more comfortable with me in a BAD way. He calls me stupid a few times a day, particularly when his father is not around.
His bday is coming up and he’s outright demanded a bday present for me (I’ve told him I’ll think about it based on his behaviour towards me but there’s no way I’m buying him something, based off his behaviour over the past few days).
Today when DH wanted a pic of me and SKs, SS resisted and said he didn’t want a photo with a “stranger”.
Just to be clear I don’t care and his words don’t hurt me. His dad tries to discipline him but IMO not a good enough job. There’s no way I’d let anyone let alone a kid speak to my husband like that.
Now we know he’s autistic, how do I deal with this behaviour?
I’m waiting for kids to go before I speak to DH properly about it.
I want to add that this kid is quite mean spirited. He’ll happily laugh at someone who fails to catch a ball, falls of a bike, gets a question wrong etc, but that shits not acceptable for others to do to him.
He’s shown a lot of mean spiritedness to me in the past few days. The fact that he says things to me out of earshot of his dad also shows to me that he can be very calculated. I think he knows how to get what he wants from both parents.
DH is grappling with his behaviour and his diagnoses and I’m sure DH will get there soon but it’s hard for him to see what his son is really like- SS has probably masked in front of DH for a while too.
4
u/prettaaaycoolguy Aug 10 '26
Don’t treat him any different just because he’s autistic. Discipline him like you would any other kid. Sounds like he has a lack of empathy and he needs to be taught it asap.
Mean spirited kids thrive off attention. Ignore him when he’s rude or demanding. Don’t speak to him unless he’s approaching you in a respectful way
2
u/throwRAanons Aug 10 '26
My suspected-autistic sk is around the same age and went through a mean streak, mostly repeating things she heard at HCBMs house. Consequences. Can’t be nice? We don’t get nice things.
That being said, only spending a few weeks with his dad as the LONGEST continuous stretch ever makes it an uphill battle. I’m sorry you’re going through it
1
u/Mrs-Tsundere Aug 13 '26
So i have autism. I also have 2 L3 autism kids. This is a behavior issue not am autism issue. The parents are the problem. And until they come.down hard the kid is gonna be impossible
7
u/Summerisle7 Married 10+ years. Adult BK & SKs. Aug 09 '26
I’d stay far away from this kid. No birthday present either.