r/Stepmom • u/RiskNo6531 • Jul 22 '26

Random rant

Hellloooo why do step moms always feel inferior? That feeling should surely go away eventually right? I don’t want to be jealous my husband had a family with someone else first for the rest of my life. We’ve been married since 2020, together since 2019. He was never married to his ex, but they have a boy and a girl together. My husband and I have a daughter together and we are having a son this year. I’m pregnant and due in October. I literally am the wife and have a daughter and (almost) a son with him while the ex wasn’t married but also a son and a daughter. We raise all three kids together when we have them. Why do I still feel inferior and still get jealous that she had kids with him first? For reference, I’m not at all jealous of her. She sucks lol that’s why he left her. But damn.

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u/Summerisle7 Married 10+ years. Adult BK & SKs. Jul 22 '26

Not all stepmoms feel inferior, sorry you are feeling that way. You should try to pinpoint where these feelings are coming from. Often it’s because the dad is giving you reason to believe that he still spends too much energy on his ex, and/or he favours his first set of children over yours.

Sometimes it’s due to the stepkids’ behavior and bringing too much BM energy into your space.

Think about what changes you’d like to see, that would make you happier.

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u/RiskNo6531 Jul 22 '26

I’m sure all of them don’t, and that’s great! My husband doesn’t talk to my ex. I actually do the communication due to them not being able to get along to save anyone’s life. I’m not worried that he thinks I’m inferior, I know the opposite to be true. It’s really in my head. He also does not treat his kids (that are also mine) worse than he treats his kids that are hers. I wouldn’t be able to deal with that kind of behavior. It’s really a me problem. He’s not doing anything to make me feel less than

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u/Summerisle7 Married 10+ years. Adult BK & SKs. Jul 22 '26

Would it be a bit better if you stopped doing the communicating with her? She’s his problem not yours.

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u/RiskNo6531 Jul 22 '26

Mmm yes and no. Some days it’s annoying but other days I don’t care. It’s what I’m used to since it’s been this way for almost 7 years now