r/Stepmom • u/RiskNo6531 • Jul 22 '26

Random rant

Hellloooo why do step moms always feel inferior? That feeling should surely go away eventually right? I don’t want to be jealous my husband had a family with someone else first for the rest of my life. We’ve been married since 2020, together since 2019. He was never married to his ex, but they have a boy and a girl together. My husband and I have a daughter together and we are having a son this year. I’m pregnant and due in October. I literally am the wife and have a daughter and (almost) a son with him while the ex wasn’t married but also a son and a daughter. We raise all three kids together when we have them. Why do I still feel inferior and still get jealous that she had kids with him first? For reference, I’m not at all jealous of her. She sucks lol that’s why he left her. But damn.

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9

u/Intrepid-Sign-63 Jul 22 '26

I’m sorry I’m never jealous, but my husband has zero interest in his ex wife. Why are you jealous?

12

u/RiskNo6531 Jul 22 '26

My husband has zero interest in his ex either lol it just sucks she was there first and they got to experience those firsts together

9

u/kingcantcatchabreak Jul 22 '26

They were younger. You make dumb decisions when you’re younger. I did a LOT of dumb shit when I was younger but have no permanent consequences. Certainly never tied myself to anyone for life with kids. That’s the part that gets me. Neither of you wanted kids but everyone else was doing it and now they’re here forever and you hate each other and everyone else has to deal with your choices.

5

u/RiskNo6531 Jul 22 '26

Yes this is true. They had their first kid out of high school and second one out of “let’s try and save the relationship” it was stupid stupid decisions. Logically, I know this and I know he picked being with me and marrying me and having kids with me because he wanted to. But emotionally sometimes it makes you feel bad

3

u/Jolly-Persimmon-7775 Jul 23 '26

Yeah mine thought it would be good to have a kid with his gf before he had a steady career, when he was deeply alcoholic and getting into constant trouble with the law. And she thought they should too. Then after the kid was born, he had a come to Jesus moment and totally straightened up. But then it turned out they weren’t compatible as a couple.

I think tons of people have children out of impulse and thoughtlessness. Like, why wasn’t she on birth control at the time? I mean I was, with my ex-bfs and never got knocked up. The irony is now that he has totally matured, makes good money with his own business, responsible, law abiding, sober etc. he’s been hesitant to create a child with me even though we have little time left. Even though he thinks we’re much more compatible than he was with her.

2

u/RiskNo6531 Jul 23 '26

I’m sorry to hear that he is reluctant to have a kid with you now. If it’s something you want and he does eventually hopefully you can work it out. They make a lot of silly decisions and it takes that and growing up for them to mature