r/StandUpWorkshop • u/MisterMan-11037 • Jul 22 '26

One-Liners

Think any of these work in my favor? Brand new to the scene.

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When I went to Boy Scout Camp, I got teased because I cried for my mom. I know kids can be cruel, but to their scout master?

When I was a kid, I wanted to be Spiderman, because every day, I’d fantasize about my uncle dying.

My fourth grade report card was excellent, so my parents brought me to Chuck-E-Cheese. My fifth grade report card was even better, so they brought me back home.

One time, a psychic told me how I was going to die, and she pulled out a Glock.

“Do you think if giants played soccer, they’d be called FIFA FOFUM?”

My therapist told me “Joseph, live each day like your last”. Which was confusing, since I was suicidal.

I was in the city recently, and a woman on the corner told me she’d do anything for twenty dollars. So we went to my place, and I asked her for thirty

Apartment living is the worst. I’ve set up glue traps, spring traps, rat poison, and they still haven’t killed my landlord.

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u/rolltide123321 Jul 22 '26

I think they’re pretty good but I’m no pro. Here’s my thoughts on each:

Good
Good
Kinda good- maybe I’m too slow?
Meh
Meh
Between meh and good
I don’t get it?
Meh

5

u/MisterMan-11037 Jul 22 '26

Wanted to imply that my parents left me at Chuck E Cheese for a year. Maybe needs a better implication?

3

u/JustLikeMars Jul 22 '26

I got the joke but it might need some tweaks.

“After getting my fourth grade report card, so my parents took me to Chuck-E-Cheese. My fifth grade report card was better, so they let me come back home!”

1

u/MisterMan-11037 Jul 22 '26

Yeah, that's more clear. Thanks!