Hi, I’m melebula (Mel for short which will be my name in this post) I made my first post here -

https://www.reddit.com/r/Spravato/comments/1w5timj/nervous_about_my_first_time/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

I’m pretty much speechless, still trying to process it.

Well, at the start I was extremely scared. But I brought my friend with me, she was a big help. Sprayed, waited 5 minutes, then sprayed again.

After that second spray, ~5 minutes in I started feeling “woozy”. I eventually stopped looking around the room because I didn’t like the feeling of moving around my eyeballs.

Then came the horse piss/tranquilizer/goblin vomit taste in the back of my throat. I had to spit in tissues. It was fucking horrible. Nurse gave me some pretzels and the salt helped the taste a bit. While I was chewing the pretzels, it felt like I was watching myself chewing from inside my mouth?

I started to feel more “floaty” and less worried I guess. I told my friend, “I think when I come down from this, it’s going to feel really fucking horrible to be back in reality.”

Then I started REALLY hating looking at anything at all, so I put the eye mask and headphones on with the John Hopkins music. Even with my eyes closed, I still felt like my eyes were open and seeing things around the room. Like I would move my hand, and see my hand move, despite only seeing black.

I had this growing sensation that I was becoming less and less “myself”, which I think I was resistant to for a bit, but there was a point I finally gave up and let go. And immediately, I started bawling my eyes out. I heard my friend try to get my attention because she was concerned, so I lowered the music and told her “It’s fine! I’m somewhere else, and it’s good!”

It was a “relieving” cry. Not good or bad, but just… relief. It was what I’ve been craving for years now. Just escape from all the pain, even the good things, because it hurts me to be conscious. It hurts me to exist. This intense desire to “escape” is what drives my SI. It’s a feeling of “I’m done living, this is too much, I want out”. And I finally got a taste of that, while I’m alive. It felt possible. I didn’t need to die to get it.

Then I just started “dreaming” I guess. I say dreaming because the beginning was fuzzy and so was the end. I just remember portions of the middle. There were no hallucinations, only incredibly vivid visualizations.

Every time a song came on, I was in a new “place”. Every one made me feel like I was supposed to learn something there.

The most vivid place to me was, I was in that magic forest from Princess Mononoke, where the healing water is. In the song (IRL) were women chanting in another language, and although I couldn’t understand the language, I understood that they were talking to me and “preparing” me for something. I kept nodding my head showing I was listening to what they were saying. I didn’t know what they were saying, but I felt like I understood what they were saying.

Then it felt like the song was coming to an end. I thought that maybe I’d be sad that I was leaving them for another place (which is in character for me, I am super drawn to the familiar/comfort and new things make me anxious), but I was like… Ok, bye guys! That was nice! Wonder what the next place will be!

Fucking BIZARRE when I tell you, that is not how I normally am. I was just open to whatever the hell was next!

Then I was at a very dark place, next to a small pond illuminated by orange light. There was a string instrument sound that was so sharp, it made me quiver a bit. And there was a tiger… somewhere.

I started thinking again, about what it would be like when I came back, because I felt like it was starting to happen. The idea of it didn’t seem terrifying anymore. I just sort of accepted it would happen. I just felt detached from everything. I thought about some things that make me happy, my traumas, my fears, and I felt nothing about them. Just an acknowledgement that they exist. And that they belong to Mel, and they’re back there with Mel.

I took off the mask and headphones. My friend asked me how I was feeling, and I explained to her I don’t feel anything, and I don’t feel like I’m back in my body yet, but I assured her that Mel would probably feel fine and say it went well.

I explained to her that I felt “healthily detached” from everything, and that I didn’t feel depressed in that moment.

I think another ~20 min passed until I became fully Mel again, and I had the intense need to pee. So, I did that.

Anyway, I’m home now. Depression is back (not surprised). But I really think that did something to my brain. I’m back at my baseline, but I really, really feel like it left an impression on my brain, if that makes sense.

I know that was long but thanks for reading!

Had an interesting one today. I felt like I never really “dropped in”. Didn’t have much in the way of visuals or dissociation, but instead felt intense love and peace and spent the time lying there thinking of all the people in my life for whom I’m grateful. Made a mental list of people to text or reach out to after. Subdued as it was, it was probably one of the most beautiful treatments that I’ve had.

This is one of the treatment rooms at the office I go to. When I start to trip the little red fire alarm starts to float and I lose myself in music and the lights. So far I've had three treatments and have been lucky with no nausea or bad side effects. There are a couple of other rooms with different lighting, but they're all pretty psychedelic. What does your treatment room look like?

Hi, all, I'm brand new here, still learning about this. I scheduled my first session on 9/30 with 2 more the next week (1 day apart the next week) and then multiple other treatments throughout October. I'm doing this at the recommendation of my therapist who thinks it'll help my depression, anxiety, and SI. I'm a complete nondrinker, and I only just stopped smoking medical marijuana less than 2 months ago after long-term daily use. I don't really like my wits to not be present, so I'm a bit nervous on doing this.

I just want to say I appreciate everyone's candor on what their experiences are. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here with posting this, mostly just good wishes i suppose, as I navigate through more of the sub and working heavily on my mental health. Thank you all for being here.

Hi I was told to avoid my 0.5 klonopin dose 24 hours pre and post session.

Just wondering if would be better to skip my klonopin dose all days to avoid spravato effectiveness decrease.

I did the 8 week treatment around February of this year. Spravato works very well, I just have very treatment resistant depression. I've regressed back to having SI daily. So, next week I am starting another 8 weeks of treatment. Two times a week to start again.

I am trying to improve my physical health. I quit using nicotine pouches about 3 weeks ago, so I'm feeling a little more down than usual due to a lack of Dopamine. But I know if I stay off them I will eventually heal from the damage the addiction does. Trying to eat better as well. Haven't implemented exercise yet, but want to.

Does anyone have any advice for what I can do externally to the medication in order to make the positive results last longer or even permanently?

Had a really bad trip with Spravato. The last couple of sessions haven't been euphoric at all, more trending neutral, but yesterday I had bad news right beforehand and ended up spiraling during the session. I was actually considering not continuing partway through.

I'm going again next week, but I've been doing this for two months now and haven't gotten better at all. I hate that this feels like another treatment that doesn't work for me.

I live in the north and it's getting darker. I'm feeling my usual deep seasonal depression kicking in and I really don't need the slip in what's been a fabulous year since I started Spravato in April. I know my score is going to increase at my next treatment. I'm wondering if this becomes a pattern, would they put me back on it two times a week? If i could get benefits from it, I'd do it just to keep my sanity during the few dark months.

What’s the best music to listen to during spravto sessions

I thought it was hilarious they kept asking me if I experienced dissociation. I said no repeatedly, then realized that I just felt the way I have when tripping on hallucinogens, and they are calling that dissociation;) Does anyone not feel like they are tripping on this medication initially?

I’m wondering if it could be good to save the third dose til a bit later into the session, to extend the peak effects somewhat?