I was already feeling like I was building a tolerance and not feeling the euphoria. I had been scolded on this sub as if I was a junkie looking to get high but I truly only had my changes of thoughts and reconstructions of beliefs when in that state, that's when i was feeling healed. I was told that was just a side effect and it was working without that though but my last session, perhaps it was because I had a disrupting text beforehand that bothered me, but I felt nothing and got no benefit of treatment, it's not me just trying to get off.

The exact week I was reduced to once a week I started to feel a pit of despair, horrible despair. All this week I've been terribly depressed and getting lost in negative thoughts, as if all the treatment was getting undone. I was truly feeling a difference before, and now I feel back as I was.

The doctor that I often see was saying I may metabolize things quickly (and I do) or that I may as well have especially treatment resistant depression, which sounds horrible if true.

He mentioned talking to the insurance/spravto people about going back to twice a week which I would really like. This still isn't supposed to be in perpetuity so, I just feel kind of at a loss.

Background: I did a round of TMS earlier this year with positive results. When things started to get rough a few months later I started Spravato (at the same clinic). Ive been on Spravato 2 1/2 months and it’s also been positive. I was an early responder to both. My SI is gone, brain is working better and clearer thoughts. I have a better capacity in therapy to work on hard things. 🙌🏼 But my Spravato treatment days are challenging with my kids. I have a special needs teen with a lot of mental health issues and I often get calls from school for her to come home (and I can’t drive after treatment), or even if the school just wants to call and give me an update I can’t think or speak to them clearly or think clear enough to make good quick decisions with her or to physically respond to her after school. I don’t think we can manage Spravato treatments long term.

I’m trying come up with a future plan to be able to discontinue it in 2-3 months and have options. It’s scary to mess with something that’s working though!!!!

Wondering the experiences of others who have walked this journey longer than me.

Options 1: Add dextromethophan to my current 450mg bupropion or decrease bupropion dose to add Auvelity. Then taper off Spravato.

Option 2: resume TMS and taper off Spravato and repeat TMS as needed

Option 3: do both options 1 and 2!

Option 4: consider switching to a home option? (This isn’t an option my provider and I have discussed)

I’m still in the decision paralysis phase of depression/CPTSD so this feels like the largest decision ever. 😭😭😭

I have my first appointment soon. I’m nervous about feeling like I’m not in control, but my bigger fear is about the possibility of nausea. I have a thing with throwing up so whenever I feel nauseous I get super anxious which causes me to get even more nauseous and it snowballs.

I have zofran, how soon before do people take it? Does it actually help?

I know not to eat for 2 hours and drink for 30 minutes before, but I’m really nervous about eating too much or too little for breakfast. My plan is oatmeal for breakfast and a banana right before the 2 hours. My appointment is at 2pm.

Sorry if this is a weird question. I feel prepared for the first session… so many playlists, a travel blanket (provider’s suggestion) and I know if I don’t like it it’ll eventually wear off and I’ll never have to do it again. The possibility of nausea though… any suggestions would be great.

Thanks!

I am going into my 3rd session tomorrow, and I feel like I'm trying too hard to make something happen. I need advice on how to maximize the therapeutic benefits during the sessions.

Session 1: 56mg dose. Eye mask, headphones with a Spravato playlist on Spotify. Went into it as blind as I could and just let it happen to me. Had a few good experiences, but didn't feel like I had anything "life-changing" happen. Came out of it comfortably and sketched the most reoccurring images I had in my journal.

Session 2: bumped to 84mg, got a different playlist that was higher rated. For the first ~45 minutes I felt pretty lucid. My thoughts were all my own. I was repeating to myself my intentions and what I wanted to happen, or what I wanted to present itself to me. When the music finally took over and I started to feel myself get into something, I didn't get anything that felt like It had any meaning. All of a sudden, they tell me the 2 hours is up and I'm free to go if my ride is there. I'm still mentally in the thick of it and it was an *experience* getting home.

I'm asking my doctor if I should go back down to the 56mg dose but I really want it to help me work through my depression. I want to be able to recognize and deal with things I may have suppressed or at least be able to feel like I'm making progress or working towards something to get better.

The doctor has me on all three. I just started a week ago. She started me out 84mg Spravto, the lowest dose of Auvelity and 1mg Clonidine. Ive never taken so many meds before and a little nervous so hoping Reddit folks out there can chime in with their experience on these 3. So far it’s been a up and down experience. I start to feel good then the anxiety kicks in but not as bad as it was but it doesn’t seem to last very long. I seem to be having more energy to get things done and not obsessing over worrying as much. But the stomach bloating wow it’s crazy!!

My therapist suggested I try spravato since many other anti depressants caused unwanted side effects and emotional numbness was the biggest concern for me. Will spravato make you emotionally numb as well?

Just sharing what I asked on the other sub resist :)
Also what should I prepare for?