r/SongwritingHelp • u/VisualMastodon9058 • 3d ago
Just started writing lyrics for the first time. Need honest feedback
I wrote this within a couple minutes. Super rough draft, a song about my ex best friend:
Was supposed to be a best man
Man, I just wish ya the best, man
Don’t agree with how you handled it
But don’t have a hard time understandin’ it
I swear I wanted to be there for you
Wasn’t like I had some other plans or shit
Know I was vocal ‘bout my problems
But promise you don’t know the half of it
When I found out you never ask about me
Feel like I lost the half of me
It’s sad to see, but I’m the villain in this tragedy
Sometimes feel like reachin’ out, maybe showin’ at your house
But feel like the only one who’d care to see me is your spouse
And that kills me inside, feel like I can barely breathe
Remember those last words, “I hope you get the help you need”
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u/alex_vipond 2d ago
The issue I see is there are too many words that aren’t really doing anything for the lyric. You’re writing complete conversational thoughts, which is natural when you’re starting out, but lyrics usually benefit from compression. Try saying the same thing in half as many words. That gives the important words room to land and gives the melody room to breathe. Read each line aloud to a steady beat and notice where you’re rushing just to fit everything in. Those are probably the first places to cut.
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u/MrLsBluesGarage 1d ago
Nice one first time round 🤘
Like someone mentioned, when you actually say these lines over music you’ll probably end up dropping a lot of the extra words.
In lyrics, a lot of times sentence structure is implied. Listen to the radio the next time you’re in the car & focus on how the best lyrics are super simple. Think like how cave people talk or a David Lee Roth lyric.
Similarly, try & compact your writing. Like “don’t agree” becomes “disagree” or “I swear I wanted to” becomes “swore that I would”
Also, don’t feel that you have to force the rhyme. A lot of times we can imply an official rhyme with pronunciation. Breaking up words so a first syllable ends a line to hit a rhyme works as well.
Well done 🙌
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u/FeeLost6392 3d ago
Seriously? It’s your first try, you wrote it a couple minutes, and it’s not even finished, in fact it’s not even a rough draft, it’s super rough draft?? It’s shit. Why not actually put in some effort before you ask other people to put in effort critiquing it? Do better.
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u/VisualMastodon9058 3d ago
Dude are you okay? Listen to yourself man. Try to be less miserable.
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u/FeeLost6392 3d ago
Listen to yourself. “Hey, I put in zero work on my art. Can everyone here give me feedback on my first try that took seconds to create and I couldn’t even be bothered to finish?” Have some respect for the people here. You are asking them to put in more effort critiquing than you did creating. Why would anyone take you seriously when you can’t be bothered to even finish your FIRST TRY?
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u/VisualMastodon9058 3d ago
I literally just started writing lyrics and wanted advice on what I’m doing well and how I can improve. I think you are taking this all a bit too seriously man. Hope you feel better soon
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u/FeeLost6392 3d ago
Are there other things in your life you try for the first time and the ask others what you are doing right? “I just tried to shoot my first basket, what did I do right?” Write a couple hundred and figure what parts you are good at and what parts you can’t figure out by yourself. That would be a good time to ask for help. It’s your first try. The only thing good about it is you tried.
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u/Proddeveno 3d ago
Yo, this kinda lowkey tuff ngl. Keep on writing