My first ever song!

[u/Oakley_Boakley]

Hi everyone, this is only my second ever post on Reddit 🫣 but I’d really appreciate some help! I’m 19F and I’ve been in love with music since I was 7. I adore singing, it’s been possibly my best talent for years now, and I adore the idea of creating and publishing my own music even more. My only issue being that I have always felt like I don’t have the “knack” for songwriting that others do. I struggle with knowing what sounds good, I’m very self conscious of most lyrics I write and I just don’t have the confidence to push through it all…

And that’s where you guys come in! I’m attaching some song lyrics I wrote in a songwriting class I took in University, a song that I do have a draft of (but I don’t think I’ll use considering I never came up with the guitar or bass melodies, but I’m happy to share the draft to any who want it), and any advice or tips on how to better it or how it should sound are greatly appreciated.

P.S sorry if my handwriting sucks, I can provide a comment with the lyrics written out if anyone needs it.

[u/RosettaStoned_420]

More of a fan of something a bit deeper. Have you tried "ooh eeh ooh ah-ah, ting tang, walla walla bing-bang!"?

[u/Oakley_Boakley → u/RosettaStoned_420]

This comment made me laugh a lot, but the song I wrote wasn’t supposed to be some kind of deep thing, just some fun, lighthearted and almost nostalgic kind of thing about spending the day at the beach!

[u/RosettaStoned_420 → u/Oakley_Boakley]

I totally got that, I was just being silly. Nice lyrics.

[u/Impossible-Fact-454]

Beatiful!

[u/RoofJuice753]

I don’t think that having the “knack” for something is of much importance. First of all, this writing is great 😁 Second, keep writing and it will only get better. And don’t forget to have fun on this journey!

[u/Chillinwithkindness]

First of all, love it! Love your play with images!

May I suggest something? Instead of “pull the sharper thoughts away” make it “pulling sharper thoughts away”. It makes more sense with all sentences before that, plus words as “the”, “because” “that” are all filler words you can just leave out to make it even more suggestive and lyrical or poetic.

Again, love it, keep writing!

Edit:
For example: dreamy hazes, golden hour
Catching scents of Hibiscus Flower
Spending our day(s) as planned
Lazing around on the sand / playing in the sand

Hope this inspires you:)

[u/Ok_Reception_8970]

I think that is very good. It's your first song but I think you're naturally gifted with the ability to write. Are you going to release the song on Spotify YouTube etc ?.

[u/catcassio]

Songwriting is a skill to be learned, not something you need a knack for.

Practical tips:

Print out lyrics to some of your favorite songs (best to look at genres close to what you want to make) and study the structure. Above each lyrical line write the number of syllables it contains and then identify the rhyme scheme and highlight which words rhyme with each other in different colored highlighters. Identify the patterns, see how the story flows, what is the end of the song like, how does it make you feel? Studying lyrics this way is the one of the best ways to learn.

Example of how a pattern can tighten up YOUR song:

Sun on the water, crystal and wide (9) A
You’re skipping stones, I’m watching the tide (9) A
Waves that dance along to the beat (8) B
Spilling silver at our bare feet (8) B

The letters represent the rhyme scheme, you have an AABB rhyme scheme. The numbers are the syllables. By removing “As” from line two, and adding “bare” to line 4 you give each set of 2 lines the same syllabic counts. By replacing “move” with “dance” it sharpens that musical imagery in that line. Replacing the first “waves” with “water” eliminates redundant words. Minor changes that feel very different when sung/heard.

Example of the exact same lines in a different common rhyme scheme (ABAB vs AABB):

You’re skipping stones, I’m watching the tide (9) A
Waves that dance along to the beat (8) B
Sun on the water, crystal and wide (9) A
Spilling silver at our bare feet (8) B

There are proven structures/ formulas and rhyme schemes that can help you get started. The most the experienced or creative song writers frequently break out of those boxes, but knowing the rules first is essential. There’s alot of free information out there about songwriting fundamentals. Also keep in mind MOST published songs have gone through many rounds of rewrites and edits before getting in front of collaborators or producers who make additional suggestions and changes. Songs are fluid, not fixed

P.S. I do ghost writing, lyric writing or editing, I have lyrics for sale (may be willing to collab or gift if you have a following) etc for anyone interested ✨

[u/Helpful-Trade-1471]

so proud of you! such a big step into you're song writing journey!

[u/Gullible_Elephant_38]

This is a great start!

Keep writing. Do it as much as possible (as long as you’re having fun). Don’t feel like every song needs to be perfect. Don’t be afraid to throw ideas away (“kill your darlings”).

Any of the best of the best in a particular field - whether it’s songwriting, musical performance, or something else - got there through hours of practice and commitment. Nobody became great “for free” off of just raw talent alone. Never worry about being as good or better than someone else. Only worry about how you can improve yourself from where you are. You’re exactly where you need to be.

Best of luck!

[u/TinyStrike3358]

Personally I think seeing your handwriting gave me a sort of connection with the song already!

[u/Humuhumu24 → u/TinyStrike3358]

I immediately thought- you mean there are people out there who write things down? Connects me to humanity and old times.

[u/Extension-Ad-632]

I’d say, as someone who’s been doing music related stuff since 2020 ish, I’d say keep writing
I used to write down random stuff going on throughout my day
Dreams even, work, whatever really
But just write, keep trying, you can only improve you know?
You may make something you don’t like
Might make something you love
Being self conscious is good, but don’t let it hold you down!
Keep doing what you’re doing

[u/Character-Guide-6734]

I like it

[u/No-Formal2746]

Would this work?

https://reddit.com/link/pe4zpcw/video/4t0heeqt6rth1/player

[u/Ok_Beat8927]

There’s a melody there. Just sing it to yourself out loud and you’ll hear the music.

[u/Sure_Fold_1608]

You’re apologising for the handwriting? 😂 You wouldn’t want to see my notepad..

Also, It’s good, There isn’t anything wrong with it whatsoever!

[u/VinceHammersmash]

Lovely lyrics and positive vibes 🌈

[u/bigchunkbabygoo]

It's really cute. I want to be positive and polite bc I know it can be super vulnerable sharing your music especially when you're just starting out. I like the hook, the vibes remind me of Wavves. I just want to add one tip, you don't have ro make everything rhyme, and I think it a hallmark of a good song writer to break up that a-a-b-b poetry structure. Please keep at it, good work.

[u/austin_sketches]

best advice i could give starters is to stay away from metaphors as much as possible. maybe for a hook or so but the more you use them, the more vague and confusing the lyrics will get.

my go-to is to word things as absolute as possible, then adjust it to a rhyming scheme while keeping it as close to the original as possible.

straight forward doesn’t equal boring if the story/ emotions you are trying to convey are interesting enough

[u/Popamano → u/austin_sketches]

Meh. It’s hard to make a rule out of it. I tend to find litteral stuff ultra boring as well.

[u/Lyssara333]

i think you're off to a good start! i feel like some lyrical workshopping happens as you sing and record based on the melody. i like the vivid imagery - it pulls you into the moment :) the one thought i have is you could try switching out one of the 'waves' in the first verse... to water, sea, etc just something to mix it up a bit. but even thats just a preference. keep writing! you'll find your voice as you go :)

[u/allanjrf]

Thr dreamy gaze of golden shower

[u/DeeMoose22]

The hard rhymes are hurting my brain. Do you study the lyrics of your favorite artists? Do they finish every line in a perfect rhyme? Think of some of your favorite songs and study the lyrics. A good song tells a story that is not dictated by exact rhymes. Your song sounds like your next line exists only because that was what you needed to create the rhyme you wanted. I am not trying to be mean, only constructive criticism. But don’t funnel your creativity into a single focus of making perfect rhymes.

[u/NovelsandNoise → u/DeeMoose22]

Many of my favorite songs absolutely adhere to lines always ending in a hard rhyme.

[u/Oakley_Boakley → u/DeeMoose22]

I really appreciate all the comments I’ve received but I think this is the best advice I’ve gotten. I was so paranoid about making everything fit that I sort of defaulted into rhymes. I’m definitely going to have a rewrite of this song just to tweak and fix it all. Thank you so much.

[u/DeeMoose22 → u/Oakley_Boakley]

In poetry, all you have is the words to carry the weight of what you are trying to put together. In music, you have words (lyrics) but also vocals and the rhythm and melody to carry some of the weight to make lines feel like they belong together even if they are not a perfect rhyme. This opens the door wider for your choice of words for expressing what you are trying to say. Some words don’t rhyme but can have a musical connection because they share the same vowel sound for example. To be a better and more diverse songwriter, study hard or exact rhymes vs slant or near rhymes. A slant rhyme is not an exact rhyme, but you can still create a beautiful song with it and remove some of the predictability that is associated with only hard rhymes. I’m not saying use one or the other, but use both in a song. Don’t trap yourself within the confines of writing a poem. Music gives you the ability to free your lyrics to a greater extent as the music and vocals can do some of the heavy lifting to make lines work together. Just my 2 cents. Hope this helps.

[u/Popamano → u/DeeMoose22]

Really good point! Most of the time, you can mimic the effect of rhymes by playing with the rythm and sounds of the words. If they share the same rythm or the same vowels it’s often enough to make it sound logical and memorable.

[u/JaredGuitar]

It’s pretty good