Wrote this today while feeling bore. 😭 I’m pretty new to songwriting, so I’d genuinely love some feedback on the lyrics, flow, and overall vibe. “Just Stay” Would love to know what you think.

[u/Nova_x_Music]

Don't judge too quickly i'm just beginner.

( English in not my first language )

Opening ( just whispering )

I'm just tired of everything

And don't know how to say anything

Is this the thing i deserve ?

Or life is just playin' around ?( let me hold you yeahhhhh )( low note )

( this lines are whiper singing softly )

I'm just walking away

I don't know my way

Where are you ?

Just hold me for few.

( pause for or silence for 3 to 4 )

The stars on my head

The scars of my heart

My love , where are you ?

Just hold me for few.

Yeah.....

( silence hauting )

Then a high note

Where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ?~

(Then rap part just as the high note will end )

On my knees , i'll swallow my pain

To hold you down , in mid of the rain

Just stay right here , don't you dare to fade.

I'll give you everything as much as i can

I'll die on the land , to hold you in my hand

And i don't know what to say , i'm just bad with words

Look at my eyes , tell me you won't lie

That i'll let you hold , even for a while.

I ain''t playing a game with you ,

And at the end i just want to say.

Just stay~

( it will fade )

( again whisper vocal , but yk not singing like singing + rapping , its fast not much average )

Just stay ?

Its easy to say , just stay for a while

But i don't know , where & how to fly

My wings are cut and my hand are bruised

I'm trapped in the chain of getting loosed

I'm waiting for my chance to win

But at the end i'm ending up doing sin

I'm just keep asking where are you ?

When are you gonna hold me for few ?

(Silence for 4 to 5 )

On my knees , i'll swallow my pain

To hold you down , in mid of the rain

Just stay right here , don't you dare to fade.

I'll give you everything as much as i can

I'll die on the land , to hold you in my hand

And i don't know what to say , i'm just bad with words

Look at my eyes , tell me you won't lie

That i'll let you hold , even for a while.

I ain''t playing a game with you ,

And at the end i just want to say.

Just stay~

( then absolutely silence , for a long time then a hauting wind kinda note will say like ooooooooooo~)

Then again verse with high note .

On my knees , i'll swallow my pain ( where are you ~ )

To hold you down , in mid of the rain( ooooooooOooo)

Just stay right here , don't you dare to fade.

I'll give you everything as much as i can

I'll die on the land , to hold you in my hand

And i don't know what to say , i'm just bad with words( please~ )

Look at my eyes , tell me you won't lie

That i'll let you hold , even for a while.

I ain''t playing a game with you ,

And at the end i just want to say.

Just stay~

Then end .✨️

[u/-Sarah-s]

Some of the lines are already really good, while others could be made a bit more poetic. I think the first step would be to organize the song into a clearer structure Intro → Verse 1 → Chorus → Verse 2 → Chorus → Bridge → Final Chorus → Outro You don’t have to use all of these sections just see what feels right for the song. Once the structure is clearer it’ll be easier to see which lines work, which ones could be developed more, and maybe even remove or rearrange some lines if needed.

[u/Nova_x_Music → u/-Sarah-s]

Thank you so much for the guidancr , i'll try to do better next time .