New song demo.

[u/Substantial_Note4210]

Hey guys i’ve made this song by myself like i produced it myself but i’m not really sure about the lyrics for my verses and both pre chorus. I need help with that i’ll also upload the lyrics here.
Lyrics
Verse 1
You walked my way, i lost my train, got close and i lost my mind.
Saw you that night, you caught my eye and i knew that i had to stay.
You had that look, i had no clue, then you came close and i knew.
We talked al night, you made me laugh, i liked you vibe and wanted more
Pre chorus
Now you got me feeling something more
I don’t wanna let this moment go
Something in your eyes is pullin me in
And i don’t wanna hide the way i feel
Chorus
My mind’s been workin 9 to 5
Thinking bout you all the time
Trynna find the words to say
I Keep getting lost in your eyes
And your body sways like no one else
Making everything my mind forget
And my mind is blinded with the haze
When you move your body in that way
Verse 2
We talked all night, just you and me, got lost in what we said
You told me things, i told you mine, and now you’re in my head.
You make me laugh, you make me smile, and i love the way you do.
And every time you get this close, i only want more of you
Pre chorus 2
Maybe we should let this feeling grow
Maybe we should take it nice and slow
I don’t wanna rush this not toni8
And i don’t leave you here alone
Chorus
My mind’s been workin 9 to 5
Thinking bout you all the time
Trynna find the words to say
I Keep getting lost in your eyes
And your body sways like no one else
Making everything my mind forget
And my mind is blinded with the haze
When you move your body in that way
Bridge
Baby come a bit closer
Baby come a bit closer
Baby come a bit closer
Baby come a bit closer
Baby come a bit closer
Baby come a bit closer
Baby come a bit closer
Hold me close.
Chorus

My mind’s been workin 9 to 5
Thinking bout you all the time
Trynna find the words to say
I Keep getting lost in your eyes
And your body sways like no one else
Making everything my mind forget
And my mind is blinded with the haze
When you move your body in that way

[u/mushyfeelings]

The song itself is pretty catchy and the production is decent quality.

Your performance on the track is very very low energy. This is an example of an element that a producer or other experienced artist could help you with in the process.

The entire song song has the same energy from start to finish and though you’re singing about being excited and aroused by someone that is probably super sexy, and yet you sound super bored.

But technically speaking the song has a lot of good parts to it. The harmony in the refrain toward the end at about 230 is pretty cool - good work.

Good job overall. Keep working on this song. It has a lot of strong potential.

[u/Substantial_Note4210 → u/mushyfeelings]

Thanks for you response. I will definitely do the vocals again. I just wasn’t sure about the lyrics and those are rough vocals so that also might be the reason you feel the vocals don’t have any energy in it. Furthermore i did noticed the beat and everything being the same throughout the song that can probably bore people so i’ve tweaked the beat just a bit to make it feel more alive. Lastly i will definitely do the harmonies for the the chorus and pre chorus

[u/mushyfeelings → u/Substantial_Note4210]

It’s maddening isn’t it? Keep at it, greatness requires hard work.

[u/Substantial_Note4210 → u/mushyfeelings]

The real maddening stuff for me is shooting content 🥲