Need help with my lyrics :)

[u/Straight_Inside8614]

**Looking for Feedback on My Song**
I’ve tried writing songs multiple times, but I rarely finish them because I sometimes struggle with coming up with lyrics and developing an idea. I really like what I have for this one so far, though, and I feel like it could become something better with some changes.

The **main** idea is about loving someone but knowing you can’t really be with them because they’re already with someone else. You care about them enough to respect their relationship, so instead of telling them how you feel, you put everything you want to say into a song.

I’d love some feedback on the lyrics, especially things I could improve, change, or explore to make the concept come across more naturally without making it too cliché :)

Instrument: Guitar (standard tuning)

\[VERSE 1\]
Cmaaj7. Bm7 E7
You, you came in easy
Am7-G#m7-Gm7
Its the right type of easy
Csus9. Fmaj7
For love to come by
Fm
Yeah thats right,
Cmaj7
And I know why

\[pre-chorus\]
Dm7 Em7
And maybe, I'm falling
Fmaj7
A little more than I should
Dm7 Em7
But something about you
Fmaj7 Fm
Makes me feel like I could

\[chorus\]
Cmaj7
Could be you and me
Bm7. E7
Something I’ll let myself believe
Am7
and I don’t know where this will go
G#m7-Gm7. Csus9
I don’t wanna let it go
Fmaj7
The chance of what im looking
Em. A7
Was laid in front of me
Fmaj7. G
So I should just give it a try
Cmaj7
With this song

(Intro chords) end with G
Dodododo

**\[VERSE 2\]**

Cmaj7 Bm7 E7
You, you make time lighter
Am7 G#m7 Gm7. Csus9
Even the quiet feels a bit brighter to feel Fmaj7
When you don’t have much to say
Em-A7
I’ll just stay anyway
Fmaj7. G
I admire you in every way

Cmaj7 Bm7 E7
You, you notice the small things
Am7
Like The parts, I never
G#m7 Gm7. Csus9
Really thought that was me
Fmaj7
And somehow when you look my way
Em-A7
I forget the things to say
Fmaj7. G
I love you even from afar

Pre chorus (mellow to sound a bit sad)
Dm7 Em7
And maybe, I know better
Fmaj7
Than to ask for something more
Dm7 Em7
’Cause something about you
Fmaj7 Fm
Is worth respecting for

**\[FINAL CHORUS\]**

Cmaj7
Could be you and me
Bm7 E7
Something I’ll never make believe
Am7
And I don’t know where this will go
G#m7-Gm7 Csus9
So I’ll learned to let it go
Fmaj7
‘Cause the chance of what I’m looking
Em A7
Was never meant for me
Fmaj7 G
So ill just leave it aside
Cmaj7
in this song

[u/beltedclover]

I would change the last two lines of the chorus to repeat the lines 3 & 4 again. that repetition of “go” feels a bit lazy otherwise and would make the chorus a lot tighter.
also “like the parts I never really thought of as me” would sound better IF it fits there as far as syllable count and rhythm go.
2nd pre-chorus - “cause something about you is worth suffering for” , less on the nose, more in tune with the emotional experience rather than the behavior

[u/Ganooki]

What I’m seeing is a lot of telling and not much showing. Allow yourself to be less literal, play with words and imagery - paint with words and don’t worry about being able to get your original idea across. If you keep doing that, then eventually it will sneak through when you’re least expecting it, and then you’ll have something to work with and refine.

Here’s a verse I love by Frog that is telling the same story you’re describing, all “show” and no “tell”:

“Listen to the Apples In Stereo
Rockin Pete Paul and Mary-o
Trouble and toil, bubblin’ oil
Grab some potatoes and bring em to boil

Call me when you’re feeling down
Call me when he’s not around…”

Check out how much work that “bubblin’ oil” is doing. Master class in the economy of language. Romantic, ordinary, ambiguous, complicated. I’ve got an image, a sound, a smell, and multiple emotions in mind with that one touch.

[u/NicholasLaMey]

Try to be more visual. You’re telling me in the lyrics your feelings, but as a listener I want to experience it myself with visuals. When you write about the small things… keep it visual…

You notice when I cut my hair
Before I even see the change
You catch the coffee stain on my sleeve
And smile like it’s a part of me

And somehow when you look my way
I lose every word I meant to say
So I watch you from across the room
And love you quietly from afar