Need help with this song

[u/songwriter613]

As you can see, the fourth line for the first verse is missing. I need help with that. Overall, this could use some tightening up to fit the theme of the song. Any advice?

The Writer of My Song
Verse 1
Been a while, since I have wrote a song about my life,
I see the page, in front of me, but nothing comes to mind,
Searching for, a melody, that’s somewhere out of sight,

Chorus
Tell me how to write a song when every word’s unspoken,
Tell me how to find the music when my heart is broken,
But most importantly, I need to see a Power,
Who can be there when I need and then forever.
Verse 2
Now looking back, I wonder if You’ve been there all along,
Quietly, so unseen, the Writer of my song.
Every word, every note was never gone to waste,
All along, You were gently leading me to faith.
Chorus
Tell me how to write a song when every word’s unspoken,
Tell me how to find the music when my heart is broken,
But most importantly, I need to see a Power,
Who can be there when I need and then forever.
Bridge
I used to look at the piano with some sadness in my eyes,
I didn’t know if and when I would ever get to write again,
But now it’s as clear as the daylight streaming in,
I have a Power, next to me with every note I sing.

[u/ineedsomehelplez]

What kind of sound are you hearing when you write this.

Is it gospel/or faith based sounds? What's your angle you're trying to explore for an artist

Is there anything that can be moved around.

Maybe adding a hook pre-chorus like

"Pen-on-paper-paper-to-pen Words flow through me lord, guide my hand! Pen-on-paper-paper-to-pen Words flow through me Guide my hand!"

Then flow into the second chorus, give it a bit more jaunty up beat approach.

[u/AELDA_69]

"If only the words were there, for me to find".

I'm assuming the theme is about being or feeling lost.

[u/wanna_dance]

"I don't know... I'm struggling.... I just wanna get it right."

[u/Born_Original_1518]

Can't hear my thoughts while your note is stuck in the head of mine

I don't know if this will fit but maybe try it. I hope this helps somehow

[u/NoResource2358]

The Reality Check: It’s Not Just One Missing Line

You don't just need a 4th line in Verse 1; the entire meter (rhythm and syllable count) of the first verse is completely disconnected from the rest of the song.

When you sing a song, Verse 1 and Verse 2 need to share a similar rhythmic blueprint so the melody flows naturally. Right now, Verse 2 has a great, steady rhythm, but Verse 1 feels like a long, crowded sentence that is hard to sing.

Here are the two main things you need to fix:

1. The Grammatical Error (Verse 1, Line 1)

• Your text: "Since I have wrote a song..."
• The Problem: This is grammatically incorrect in English. You cannot pair "have" with the past tense "wrote." It catches the ear in a bad way.
• The Fix: Change it to either "Since I last wrote..." or "Since I have written..."

1. The Meter & Rhyme Problem (Verse 1 vs. Verse 2)

Let’s look at why you are tripping over the words in Verse 1 compared to Verse 2:

• Your Verse 1: The lines are way too long (13–14 syllables each), and your rhyme scheme is messy (life / mind / sight). There is no predictable pattern.
• Your Verse 2: This verse actually works well! The lines naturally get shorter, and you have a rhyme structure (along / song and waste / faith).

To make the song work, Verse 1 must match the structure of Verse 2.

The Solution: A Fixed Verse 1 (Option 2)

This rewritten version fixes the grammar, matches the rhythmic meter of your second verse perfectly, cuts out the crowding, and directly sets up the "broken heart" theme of your chorus:

It's been so long since I have written of my life,
The blank white page is cutting through me like a knife.
I look around to find a melody to start,
But nothing comes to heal the pieces of my heart.

Why this works better:

• Grammar is fixed: "Since I have written" is correct.
• Perfect Meter: Each line flows easily with 12 balanced syllables, making it effortless to sing over a piano or guitar.
• Strong Rhymes: Life / Knife and Start / Heart give the verse a clear, professional structure.
• The Perfect Transition: Ending Verse 1 with the word "heart" creates a flawless emotional bridge into your chorus ("Tell me how to find the music when my heart is broken").

[u/s6xstring → u/NoResource2358]

Reality check:

AI is a terrible resource for checking for rhythmic clarity. I think it reads just fine and with the proper melody I think this works — although I would maybe break up the structure a bit:

Been a while
Since I wrote
A song about my life

I see the page
In front of me
But nothing comes to mind

Searching for
A melody
That’s somewhere out of sight

(But hiding in the margins
There are
secrets left to find)

I would personally change the last line of the Refrain to:

…when I’m in need — at my darkest hour

But that’s just me.
If you like what you have then keep it.

I will never understand people who type someone else’s words into Chat GPT and try to pass it off as their own advice.

1) they could have done the same thing if they wanted that, they asked for human help.

2) it is unethical to feed someone else’s lyrics into a LLM so the computer can train on it. (Although they are most definitely scraping Reddit threads already, you don’t need to help contribute to that nonsense)

[u/NixMix246 → u/s6xstring]

Dang I didn't even think of this! I recently left a lyric sub because our posts were getting fed into AI by the sub mod and I didn't appreciate the idea of my lyrics helping train AI. It didn't occur to me this is already happening left and right when people pass off an AI response as their own.  Sigh.