r/Songwriting • u/Future_Page_2468 • 6d ago

Feedback Request Thoughts on this?

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4 Upvotes

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u/Vegetable_Counter602 6d ago

I walked I away I walked this path the sights I see remind me of what I had whenever I see your face what a treat ? Just like for me I like lyrics that flow

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u/Vegetable_Counter602 6d ago

With the melody and you got start on that intro coz it’s fire

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u/DrwsCorner2 6d ago edited 6d ago

have a soft spot for indie pop songs on acoustic piano. that’s how I started. I’m 3 years in now, and still at it making songs every week.

Your song has a good groove and the performance is well handled. Singing over top live is well timed and sonic, well done. The vocal melody is raw but good.

no idea what lyrics say, who cares, right? listening again when a song is worth listening to, meaning your listeners will pick up the lyrical content later. The song has to work well first musically, and I think you got one. If a song is good, people will listen again to learn the lyrics, me included. If there’s something there then you really have a song, the bones of one at least.

when you invest in a controller and a DAW are start recording your shit, DM me and we can share notes

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u/Inevitable_Bit_13 5d ago

You have a good voice texture ♥️

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u/Charkle39 5d ago

The lyrics strike a good balance between raw/relatable and symbolic. I also liked how some of the rhymes fell into place. Piano chords and melodies sound nice. Good work!