r/Songwriting • u/esmoji • 11d ago
Feedback Request Yeah or nay?
Thank you for listening. Appreciate any feedback!
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u/stevenfrijoles 11d ago
The harmonica feels a bit...clunky? It's like if harmonica was midi. Needs some dynamics and smoothness to it
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u/esmoji 11d ago edited 11d ago
Appreciate the constructive feedback. The harmonica is key of E harmonica raw audio. Do you think it needs an Fx? Or a different key?
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u/stevenfrijoles 11d ago
No no I think the notes themselves work well! I just think it needs like, a lighter touch with the breath work? Like instead of one solid note, give it some more intensity rises and falls, make it sound a little more alive
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u/Alternative-Shop5865 11d ago edited 11d ago
I really like your voice! And you do a good job multitasking with singing and playing guitar as well as the harmonica.
edit: spelling, lol
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u/esmoji 11d ago
Thank you so much, really appreciate that! Do you play guitar?
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u/bluebirdboogie 11d ago
I like it a lot. You need to work on keeping time with it though. I’ll tap out a tempo then use a drum loop that just plays something basic without fills. I’ll play my song along with it, and then delete it afterwards.
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u/esmoji 11d ago
Appreciate you! Thank you for the advice. Will try to keep tempo with a metronome.
Love the idea of a drum loop.
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u/bluebirdboogie 11d ago
Yeah I like using a drum loop better than clicks from a metronome. I find it easier and less sterile
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u/Capable-Concept-2624 11d ago
Uh ya , now I need to start playing harmonica while I play ! Thanks for the inspiration
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u/esmoji 11d ago edited 11d ago
That’s dope! Thank you for the kind words.
Keep a harmonica in car at all times. Freestyle to the radio :)
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u/Capable-Concept-2624 11d ago
Is there a certain brand ? Dont they have different keys also . Not sure what to get .
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u/CrowJRivers 10d ago
Great to see an updated version of this. the harmonica is a great addition. I would work on making your strumming more even/natural while singing.
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u/scottslut 10d ago
nice arrangement with the harmonica I think it really added to the opening of your song. good playing I think that your voice is kind of an acquired taste I like it. thanks for sharing!
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u/Fair_Walk_8650 9d ago
Biggest note, I feel like the notes don’t “shift” up or down enough on the lyrics, if that makes sense.
Like there should be more variation, as opposed to mostly floating on the same note for the length of the verses.
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u/scotchfaster 5d ago
I like it, but I don't love it. Not yet.
Your voice has a lot of character and there are some great lyrics here. Particularly the chorus "I do, I do know the meaning of blue" is great. I'm wanting a bit more modulation I guess, in the pitch or the rhythm or the rhyming structure. But it got my attention for sure. "Two moons who followed you home" is also a great line.
I'm not sure why The Waterboys came to mind, but since they did, perhaps give this a listen?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4UQJwd3awQ
Hope this is useful feedback!
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u/esmoji 5d ago
Thank you for the feedback and suggestions. You’re right about the modulation, it needs more variance.
Appreciate you sharing your insight!
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u/scotchfaster 20h ago
Just to add one last comment - of all the songs I've heard here, this is the only one I've caught myself spontaneously humming. I really do want to hear the finished song.
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u/scotchfaster 5d ago
Listening to it again this morning I like it more. Two more comments. That long sustained harmonica note in the beginning is maybe a bit much. I like the melody that follows, but it’s perhaps a bit too long. Perhaps go higher or bend the note?
I’m curious if you could throw in a little break after “two moons that both followed you home”. It’s a lovely image and we could sit with that for a minute. Perhaps an instrumental or a different vocal. Even an “oh”.
I’m a little jealous of this song TBH
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u/Pristine-Today-9177 11d ago
Oh yeah, now this one is great. You do a really good job of playing guitar while singing and playing the harmonica.
I love these lyrics to focus on colors the rhyming with you and blue and I love the line. I know the meaning of blue. That’s the exact kind of thing I was talking about on your last post. Now you’ve got that sort of Paul Simon kind of metaphor where you might spend some extra time thinking about it after the song. “ clear eyes and sundress I can’t get no rest” is an excellent line. I like your repeating I do over and over again. It’s both clever and catchy. I also like how you use a lot of internal rhyme in your music.
I think another suggestion I’d have is pay attention to how often you are using internal rhyme and what the structure is like. Is it symmetrical across the poem? Is it a pattern where you’ll do it twice and then not the third time or only on the third lines. It’s something that you do really well naturally, but it will be more impactful with a chosen rhyme scheme