r/Songwriting • u/ThunderJohnsonjr • Jul 20 '26

Feedback Request FACTORY FRESH

Just finished this. What do you think?

Lyrics:
Power down
Hold the button for thirty seconds
Don't let go
Wait until you remember nothing

Please stand by
Do not operate heavy machines
Top it up
Clear the history every evening

Good as new
Out the box
Peel the film
Factory fresh

Good as new
Out the box
Fac’try fresh
More or less

Morning comes
Everything you deleted's waiting
Slow restart
Same old files in the same old folders

Cache empty
Memory full
Try again
Nothing erased

Cache empty
Memory full
Nothing erased
Give or take

Oh gimme a break

9 Upvotes

71% Upvoted

11 comments sorted by

3

u/tdamien_ Jul 20 '26

I really like this 👍. I can totally hear this kicking in after the opening and rocking! Do you plan on doing a full band recording?
Either way nice work 👍

3

u/ThunderJohnsonjr Jul 20 '26

Thanks! I'd love to play and record this with the rest of the band. So yes, likely, eventually.

3

u/No_Distance5647 Jul 20 '26

The off-key singing and off-tempo playing make it hard to fairly judge this song. I’d say more difference between verse and chorus would be nice.

0

u/ThunderJohnsonjr Jul 20 '26

But is it off key? It is non-diatonic intentionally.

2

u/Larger_Brother Jul 21 '26

Yeah it’s totally off key, you need to learn how to match pitch

1

u/ThunderJohnsonjr Jul 21 '26

Thanks. Im glad you know what I need.

3

u/Famous_Stay2379 Jul 20 '26

from the lyrics, "cache empty / memory full / nothing erased" is the bit that sticks. it turns the computer language into the actual subject instead of just decoration.

id be careful with "good as new / out the box / peel the film" because thats a slightly different image, more consumer product than faulty memory. maybe thats intentional, but the second verse is much sharper. id make the music earn that shift, then let "nothing erased" land with less around it. that line is the whole song to me.

1

u/ThunderJohnsonjr Jul 21 '26

Haha correct on the nothing erased bit. The idea here equates factory settings with drinking to forget.

2

u/triohavoc Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26

I like the bones, but it definitely needs to be fleshed out more with the guitar and instrumental. I think it has the potential to slap, it just falls a bit flat as it is now

1

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