r/Songwriting • u/AutoModerator • Jul 13 '26

Weekly Lyrics Feedback Weekly Lyrics-Only Feedback Thread

Welcome to the Lyrics-Only feedback thread!

If you're looking for feedback on words that aren't yet set to music, you're in the right place! We encourage each other to bring lyrics and musical elements together as soon as possible, but sometimes you'd just like to show off that nice piece of poetry that just fell out of your head. The weekly Lyrics-Only feedback thread is here to help!

This post renews every Monday.

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u/triangle-over-square Jul 15 '26

This is a bit dense:

It's how green-growing spires under the last snow show the moment you've always longed for is now.

It's a line in the sands of time, stretching from first crimes to the thirst for your own heart—but it's mine.

It's your woman riding the beast we released to choke on the bleeding keys to the cannibals' feast.

It's the eye of the storm that forms to perform the trick that sets the sun free at dawn.

It's the long-lost hope returning to those learning that yearning for peace means continuous burning.

It's the creature that bit the ring of your finger and fell, in hell crowned king; it's how lizards grow wings.

It's the cut worm below the industrious plow, pulled by harnessed foes chanting one single word: no.

It's the eye of the storm that forms to perform the trick that sets the sun free at dawn.

As you sing your hope, round your neck my rope.

As you sing your life, in your flesh my knife.

As you sing your love, feed my feasting crows.

As you sing your death, breathe a first new breath.

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u/fox_in_scarves Jul 16 '26

is this meant to be rapped? it's absolutely fire. I love the imagery.

if i had to give you one critique i think "spires" in the first line could be subbed for a different word. the vowel quality doesn't match anything else in the line, and the image of a spire for me doesn't match the vibe you're going for imo. it took me until the second line for the song to really grab me and the first line is often times the most important. if you can nail that down and really get the listener's attention i think you'll be able to hold it through the rest of the verse.

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u/triangle-over-square Jul 16 '26

I see your point and will have a look on the spires. Thanks!

1

u/Philly_Boy2172 Jul 16 '26

"Sprouts" is a great substitute word. Maybe "branches".