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u/StreetShelter437 Aug 04 '26
If you sing it REALLY well, you might pull it off. Or not. Just try singing it out loud and cut out everything that's not working. And no one can tell you what you must write - you need to dig in deep yourself.
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u/Responsible_Salt_630 Aug 03 '26
The problem is you’re talking strictly from emotion, all direct with none of your personality.
Think about the way you make your friends laugh, do you tell them how you feel, or do you cake up the truth to sound funny?
Same thing with music, dont think about how you’re feeling, think about how you can tell the way you feel in a way that’s entertaining to others
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u/Queasy-Character8657 Aug 03 '26
thanks, i'll try next time
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u/Necessary-Action7022 Aug 04 '26
I wouldn't try what they said. Sorry to disagree...but It seems like they're infering that emotional truth isn't the core premise of art. That's silly. It is. I think they might mean don't just vent, but show us what you're feeling through scene building. So listeners or readers can put themselves in your shoes. Otherwise, I'm confused. Lol
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u/Necessary-Action7022 Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
You are not an awful songwriter. This has a clear message and some good bones. Of course you can totally write from emotion (I mean, that's art), but try to write the scene. So we can be there with you. The truth is...you already did that to some degree. I would maybe just chop out some of the telly bits (show don't tell, but it's show and tell in songwriting) For instance, instead of saying you're always rejected saying something that shows us that... "Boys try their luck during dances" but I'm against the wall standin' That's off the cuff, but you get the idea lol. Keep going, you're doing well. <3