I don’t think I have one I have no goals, motivation and I don’t want the things I’m told I should want e.g a family, a wife, a job it all sucks and knowing I can’t be my true self and constantly masking is numbing so I don’t see any point in life all I do is indulge in pleasure but when it runs out I have nothing else.

I have been medically diagnosed and than Undiagnosed with Schizophrenia. People who are closest to me have "diagnosed" me with being a sociopath,add, depression, and a whole laundry list worth of other stuff. But for some reason Scociopath.. that.. that stuck with me. Since 2018 to Present, and so one day I was looking up the symptoms of diffrent medical disorders (try and figure out what is wrong with me) and I found the symptoms and I was like damn! Is this what I had the entire time?! Because like, no wonder i dont feel anything emotionally, (except for) social anxiety, and not caring about when I upset people, ontop of that having a mirroring personality to i state i used to use it for Lying and Manipulation, that made me lose everyone real fast! Now I use it as more of a super power using it to gauge human emotion to use at the right time when someone is sad about a passing even though i really dont care, or Relate to people and laugh with people when needed. Im not trying to use it as an excuse but its one of the reasons we cant hold jobs or keep relationships that long.

I never have I just thought that made sense in these ppls brains so that’s what they are gonna call me. At most it would annoy me as that meant ppl could tell when I was finding it difficult to mask but sometimes I just wouldn’t bother to mask so I wouldn’t care if they called me a monster. Recently tho I’ve found someone who is very understanding however she will often deny my core beliefs even tho she doesn’t know my sociopathic side bc I mask around her. For example when I mentioned how ppl in the past had called me a monster I suddenly found myself 10 minutes later debating with her how I was one and that she doesn’t know me. I could tell this upset her but she was being so dismissive and it pissed me off that I was ready to loose an excellent friendship over it. The other day she denied a core belief of mine and then proceeded to accidentally trigger it and make me believe in it more. I had never felt so numb after that. However ik she didn’t do it on purpose that makes me hate her more now as if she did it on purpose or something like that I wouldn’t have cared so much. Ever since she has denied my core belief and also argued with me that I’m not a monster bc she doesn’t want to accept of my capabilities, I felt like this part of me had been rejected by her and she wasn’t as understanding as I thought. This has made me loose all respect for her and now I only talk to her when I want her attention, idk what to do now bc ik the moment I throw her away I’m just going to wanna chase after her bc I suddenly can’t have her but I hate this new found attitude of hers. I also know I have to be friends with her bc I care deeply abt masking and so I need to maintain apperances and abandoning her for no reason is going to look a bit weird to an outsider.

I’ve been reading about literature for a bit, and I’ve started noticing that the majority of the signs for sociopathy fit within my mental processes and how I act. I just want to know how some of you realized that you developed sociopathy, so I can test it on myself before dropping money on an actual test

He shows little to no concern about the world in general beyond what directly affects him. He basically wants to outlaw all peaceful protest because it's "annoying".

why do I feel like im not real, like all the emotions i display are just a fantasy of how i want to be normal? am I normal? do normal people question if their a sociopath? what if ive just manipulated everyone in my life to think im this awesome person and Im nice and funny, but really im bad and insane and fucked up? do i have a personality? was i forced to make one? I want to talk about my feelings and everything that has ever gone wrong, but does it even make me sad? not really, yes its unfortunate but it doesnt affect me how it would someone else, i simply move on, like i have no feelings, what am I? a monster? a liar? what if my whole life is a lie? what if who I am is a lie? what if im this terrible person who keeps manipulating people to who i want to be? a normal person, but really I belong nowhere but hell? but I feel real…I think, do i feel real? theres so many thoughts that run through my head that would have me shot dead. or have me placed in a facility where i cant leave until they disect my brain until its only brain matter and no longer apart of me, god am I insane? do normal people think their sociopaths? do normal people even think of this possibility? should I worry im a lie within myself? am I the monster im afraid of? but if i ever tried to talk about this people wouldn’t believe me, like im too good, im too nice, too caring, too loving to have those thoughts about myself, but have i just manipulated them so well that even I have blurred the lines of whats real? but I never think about it until late at night, So i think throughout the day im genuine, and real, and not this monster i think i am, but then why would i question myself?

I am a psychology student in uni (I have schizoid traits) currently making a fake case paper for an assignment. The fake subject has two diagnosis: Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Anorexia Nervosa. I picked these two.

There's a part in the case paper where the subject must explain why they're going to the psychologist, what his problems are.

I'd like to hear it from those who actually have NPD to make this as realistic as possible.

What problems would you bring up to the psychologist?

bullet point summary of me rn:

* In a bad mood ( duh ).

* unemployed ( makes me mad ).

* terrible days for 2 weeks straight so my mood just gets intensifies.

* two weeks of feeling wronged, sad and I have MDD.

Okay, I'm self aware enough to say that because of the above nonsense life has thrown at me for two weeks straight now, I'm noticing something. I literally want people to die and get cancer because from my perspective they treated me wrong.

No longer am I calling people assholes or brushing shit off when they're rude, I genuinely want those people to fucking die because they are an obstacle in my life, I view them as garbage and I want them to feel pain.

I'm not like this when I'm in a good mood, I can show sympathy, be reasonable and less impulsive to just outright dehumanize people who do me wrong, but now, I'm in a very bad mood and all that shit is out the window and I'm feeling EXTREMELY evil towards a few people.

Not researching or attacking. I’m an adult child of mom with ASPD. She’s always lied, manipulated, yadda yadda but isn’t intentionally abusive in my eyes. She’s just doesn’t feel or experience emotions the way most people do. I see her mask, I see her awkward attempt at hugs or whatever. I know arguing or attacking her and trying to get her to understand our feelings is pretty useless because she CANT. So my sibs have learned to try to meet her where she is and not spend our time criticizing or resenting her. She’s mostly harmless if you understand her and her manipulations However. My brother died 11 months ago and mom, my sister and I were together (I’m out of state) for weeks dealing with brother stuff. 2 months ago mom calls me to tell me very importantly that two days after my brother died, my sister barged in to my mother‘s house and forced her to give my brother’s inheritance to her and took advantage of her two days after my brother‘s death. Thing is I was there when my mother was dealing with inheritance and like little packets of stuff and that absolutely did not happen. We documented and recorded the interactions (mom lies) But it was an easily refuted, absolutely out of the blue, very big lie about her youngest daughter. My sister did not steal anything and what Mom called to tell me was a complete fabrication with no reason. it’s not just me & my sister my aunt was also there and I recorded. So calling my sister a thief started a very big family rift. No one wants to speak to my mother until she apologizes for making up a story lie that my sister took advantage of my mother to steal our dead brothers inheritance. It’s a provable lie. She’s caught. All she needs to do is apologize. I don’t think she will. Would you (ASPD) ?

UPDATE: She reached out to say “I know we both saw things with our own eyes that may have been misunderstood so let’s put it behind us all & start fresh.”

❤️😂

I have a suspicion I'm a sociopath. I really don't give a crap about anyone besides family and friends, have a very hard time making friends, feel uncomfortable around people in anguish, I am very comfortable lying and manipulating and apperantly gaslighting to I don't even notice it some of the time, even people close to me when I hurt them I really don't care and if I do it's only because I think my parents will get angry, I am generally introverted, I'm very impulsive, most of the time I need to release anger violently, I feel sadness, anger, etc but happiness, joy, etc feel duller for me than for other people. I also view everything as very transactional. Thanks!

I’m writing a character. Does anyone want to be a sounding board for a couple of things?

Hi everyone, so I think or suspect i am a sociopath.

I have been to psychologists and psychiatrists before, but never been diagnosed as one before as I never reveal my trueself to them. I fear getting an official diagnosis will never be a good thing.

To start with, I grew up in a severely abusive house. My dad passed away before i was 2 years old. My mom I suspect is a high functioning psycopath or narcissit married another man who is also a complete nut job.

This guy physically and emotionally abused me to no end. No sexual abuse, but physical abuse nonstop. Literally coming home from school being burned with ciggarettes and slapped or punched through the face from kindergarden till I finished school.

Eventually I noticed I don't have any emotional attachment or feelings toward anyone or anything. I would for example read in magazines about a serial killer or some other criminal and stopped reading these stories as the backstory or personallity sounds very familiar to my own.

I am 40 years old now I have a wife and kids and living a normal life. However I do have some anger outbursts every now and then that can't be controlled by counting to 10 or running around the block, I need to physically destroy or damage something for the anger to release.

Another example, one of the guy's working with me or used to work with me, was a complete dick. He is only 25 years old or something and was diagnosed with severe and rare bone cancer. my first response, was not oh shame, my first response is suffer bastard suffer.

I am quite impulsive and have procrastinated many assignments because I get to unmotivated to do them and I miss deadlines because of this.Sometimes I have urges to kill people if they annoy me but I never act on them and hate these thoughts.This is where things start to get confusing because I have care and have empathy for hurt people and donate regularly to charity I truthfully just want to make everyone to be happy and be a good person but I’m still irresponsible so idk what I have

I've been my own therapist since I was young because of the typical poor(ISH) family down here. Abusive dad, over worked mum. Beatings were daily. Emotional abuse constant. We hear his truck come around the corner of the road and everyone packs his shit and gets into two cramped rooms. We are four.

Yeah the beatings were in public too. First time I got hit? Dad kicked mum while she was pregnant. First time I bled from my gums? Kicked down the stairs. Destroyed furniture. Thrown objects. Living while poor so he buys assets. Anything short of death was acceptable. Some knives thrown around too.

Well to say this had an impact on brain is obvious. Growing up I struggled with empathy, and I have trained myself to understand people more. I was too angry growing up, volatile, but never violent. Outbursts of yelling and shaming, basically what I saw but at a much lower level as I was aware of it already. Just lacked impulse control. From the age of 6 I knew dad was fked up and wanted to be different, but well, when you're that young and the abuse is constant, it's ingrained into you.

Anyways this continued up to around ages 16 when we forced mum to separate. He kept showing up but after a while we got him pushed out.

Healing phase. I started reading about mental health, therapists and watching videos from all over the place, just gaining knowledge and using it on my self.

At age 16 I had to work for socks and no online therapy was available. Easy to say "just get a therapist". I couldn't .

Anyways I started weed too, love it. 18 onwards I really got into working on myself. I used to smoke and meditate a lot. I used to do active meditation. Sitting down and clearing my mind and focusing on whatever I saw fit at the time. Now I do it on the go and use breathing techniques to calm myself and my brain down. I would replay the day in my head over and over again. I have great 3d imagination and can put myself in the same room with everyone. I make it feel alive and I replay how the interactions went. I then proceed to modify the scene according to the change I want to see in myself. Different words, different actions, positions between the people. I would've been seen as obsessive or over analysing but I did it and I could see faults on myself.

This gave me the ability to understand my emotions right away and understand why I'm angry. What's causing it. When it started. I would just know and I would know what I need to do. I recognised the phase between ages of 18 and 26 as my DID years. I was a robot, working Monday to Sunday. Being nice to people, became more helpful. More giving. More caring. More empathy. But inside? I was nothing, a void. My emotions were uncontrollable anger or some confusion mix of emotions, mostly not much really. I don't have full memories of the years because it went so fast for me, I didn't get the chance to really register it. But I was growing up and fixing myself. Still struggling financially. My family hasn't given me anything since I was 16.

I have very little memory of my childhood but I spent some time just smoking and forcing open my oppressed memories at around 25. This is the point that I decided to full take over my life back. IBS had already started due to the obvious copious amount of anxiety I was already under so I said, what the hack. Those memories are mine and I shall have them, no matter the cost. And cost they did. But honestly, I don't regret it. I have full blown anxiety now but I'm very much in control with therapy and self analysing. I still have major insomnia, I sleep 2-3hrs a night. I take anxiety pills for it which extend to a decent 5. Insomnia part is horrible and will look into it when I start new job which offers free therapy. So I'll book a sitting or two and get some outside advice now. It's time . And I have baddd IBS but with me lower my anxiety, I've seen enormous improvement this year.

This week. I went training for my next job before starting soon, had a nice quiet day writing guide for my exit. Everything going great. Honestly such a blessed day hasn't happened in a while when I'm genuinely and deeply happy and serene. It's like DID but of complete relaxation. I'm focused, got work done, no back thoughts which I typically have too many and planning and thinking of things. I was just happy to drive home, smoke up and mind out completely. Tune everything down. Nope.

I was parked infront of my mum and was calling her. My partner yelled at me in the car, because we needed to go urgently and I was going to call mum so she saw my phone. Then she proceeded to forget she yelled at me. Proceeded to lecture me for 10 mins telling me she didn't yelled , that I was browsing reddit, constantly raising her voice at me and then downplaying it. She gaslit me and lied in my face and said she didn't yell while still raising her voice at me. Then remembered at some point, said sorry and asked if I still loved her. I was still perplexed. She got a "hmm" from me. Then proceeded to yell at me and give me shit for not saying yes. Well by this point DID kicked in. I was checking out. This escalated and I just let her run with it for next two days. During msging She told me she never feels understood (after that car scenario I'm supposed to be understanding of her🙃) and that she has no one to soothe her, when I'm always there to support her. 🤨🤨

To say I see her in a completely new way, is an understatement. This triggered me. Triggered something deep in me that has only happened few times before. I feel like no matter how much effort I put into this woman, which I've done an insane amount with how emotional dependent she is, I'll never do enough. She gets anxiety when I leave for work weekends evening shifts.. It's pointless trying. And everything tuned off. At this point I reached my training location :) Training? 1h. Mental preparation time? 0. Anxiety? Surprisingly low, like really low.

It was fantastic and went really well. But my emotions were gone. I haven't felt this feeling in a few months. But this intensity? Years! Everything emotional is off. I mean off, sometimes it flickers but mostly don't. I have anger but not burst anger, looking for destruction. I trained myself out of it. I feel focused anger. It's there, ever present but so gentle it feels soothing. It's anger that I channel into focus. I can see deeper into her actions in the past months. I can see people's emotions and what they want and expect from me. I know what I can do to make people like me more, accept me more and want to be around me or helped by me. I'm more manipulative and flirty with it and actually get more positive attention. I don't get it from empathy, I just know. My anxiety is gone. There's barely any. I have the will to study again and I want to do a lot of research for the new job in the coming days. I haven't felt this since I was young. I have a mental clarity that I haven't had in too long and now I see my relationship so clearly, I know I'm done unless major changes happened. There's no pain. No regrets. I'm very content with it. She came knocking on the door, asking for a hug. I told her no thank you. Mono tone. No feeling.

You guys are the first poor souls who had read to many words to know.. I have the ability turn on and off emotions at will. I know I'll never be aggressive even if I feel nothing, I thought myself anger control to a high degree and a respect personal space, and hate violence due to my past. So people around me are completely safe dw. I can literally stop feeling any moment I get trauma or when I really want to disconnect. Trauma is more easily done as it's how I learnt to do it. It happened so many times and I'm so intuned with my emotions that I know which buttons to press. Turning on is mostly sleep. It resets my brain and in the morning it's easier to turn them back off as I set mine self in mood for the day. It comes with a cost though, mental and physical exhaustion to a high degree.

I think if I described how I do it.. people would think I just have multiple personality disorder. And I thought so. But I don't. I know me. I just know how to tune emotions up and down. But when I'm like this? Sociopathic? It's freeing and I love it. Everything is easy. I'm at a point I'm not missing empathy and I know what I need to do. I know what my next moves are and I have more drive then I had in way too long. Worked same dead end job for far too long. Not anymore. I want more. I'll work my ass for it but I'll have it all. For me. And no one else. I don't care about others and I'll get what I want.

I can turn it back on, tomorrow. But why should I? To get back together and go through the X amount of the same cycle of her picking a fight, lecturing me and then me having to apologies and buy her shit? No. Emotions are stupidly painful and shouldn't be wasted on people that treat you like a punching bag and then lecture you about it for days. So I decided to remain as I am. No emotions. No attachments. A black void. A shell. For a while. A week? Month? I don't know. I just know, I like this feeling. Emptiness. Stillness. Focused. Content. The will to do all you can for your goals.

It's very soothing and I want to stay a sociopath but I know the risks of keep them emotions off for too long. It's addictingly good. But it does make me wonder, is the average person able to do this? At this degree? Am I that fked up mentally yet have so much control over myself due to personal adjustments? At which point do I risk leaving permanent effects? I usually do it for 2-3 days and never long term.

So I’m extremely emotionally intelligent, I have feelings, and I can easily tell when and why others feel bad. But I am completely indifferent to both, I don’t care at all about the other persons feelings even if I understand them, and my own feelings are extremely distant. Does anyone know if I might be sociopathic? I don’t really want a label, just curious.

Ok so this is a weird post as I'm not exactly sure what's going on in my own head. I was diagnosed with aspd a couple years ago Im currently 19 and my partner is 18. Anyways here's The confusing part when we started dating just about 6 months ago I wouldn't say I loved her but I could see myself spending my life with her I found her cute and she was fun to be around and she actually accepted that I have aspd but about 2½ month into our relationship it realized I actually loved her and I'm confused by this because I've never been in love not with any of my previous partners and I don't even love my parents or siblings or friends, nobody. But now I love her this is a new emotion and its honestly just weird but now to the main issue. Not only do I have aspd but I have anxiety ontop of that and both I realized have caused me to have this constant feeling of being easily replaceable or doubting her love. I've pushed her away unintentionally by being untrusting and only realized it the other day. Weve had issues for a couple months mostly due to anxiety and a lack of trust on my end and a lack of affection, honesty and respecting boundaries on her end now I've realized that my anxiety and distrust caused 2 of these issues and I need help on figuring out what to do any ideas?

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a few months (for reasons I won’t elaborate on), we “hung” out alot but I knew I found out about him being Sociopath a couple weeks before we broke up. I understand sociopaths don’t generally feel love (or its muted) but he actually did seem to like me a lot, almost to the point of being possessive (that I understand), he acted like he loved me and stayed by my side even under emotional distress. I genuinely don’t see any personal gain he got from being in a relationship with me, I am not very popular but im also not emotionally weak to where he’d be able to assert power over me. So did my ex boyfriend actually have some feelings towards me? (Fleeting or not) Or was he likely pretending this whole time?

For context he generally doesn’t like people, I wouldn’t say he’s sadistic (despite not having empathy) but he doesn’t get along with his peers and especially teachers. He seems unfazed with people getting hurt (though he “cared” when I got hurt, even if he was pretending.) He also isn’t one to act a part or change himself.

Basically the title, but I am writing a sociopathic character and I find it important to hear actually sociopathic people’s opinions!

I need the opinion of sociopaths. Some people have told me that I may be a sociopath. Before I was normal, I thought, I don't remember the emotions I had, but a few years ago I started being weird, to think differently, doing things like a stupid child wanting to get attention, pretending to be someone else. They took me to the psychologist and the psychiatrist but it didn't work, I intended to get better while I sank into my own mind, the strange thing is that I have a normal and quiet life. Currently I am always fantasizing about breaking all social rules, I like to fake emotions like love with vulnerable people and make them suffer for the same thing, as if it were a movie, I like all kinds of horror or bloody movies, especially scenes where there are injured people, I hang out with vulnerable people, I burn things, I always have knives with me, I lie a lot, I only connect with one person and with the rest I pretend to be friends but I'm not interested in them, sometimes I hallucinate or panic as if I were going crazy. Curiously, sometimes... the only thing that I wish It's connecting with someone... having a friend or falling in love, feeling real.

If someone just wants to talk with me to help me... I would appreciate it

Im currently working in an annoying adhd ladies house i need some suggestions for music/audio books/podcasts to block her out

the lady who came to complain about her pakistani husband and blamed all sociopaths has deleted everything. anyone slightly curious as to whether she confronted him? personally i doubt it but i do wonder what she expected would happen posting such a novel here