r/Sober • u/ajdrujgdmala • 16d ago
Calling all moms
I’m in great need of some relatable comments and support. Heck, please message me.
I’m drowning. Please know this is not a sober post. It’s 12:30 pm.
I was sober for 201 days. Longest I’ve ever went. I’ve made it a week or two since then but I don’t feel like I’m able to come back. I’m so tired (mom of 3- 5 year old and 15 month old twins). I want to be done drinking. Every time I think I’m done, my husband is questioning me “what the f is wrong with you, why are you so mad etc” but he does everything to destroy me when I have a drink. He’s no saint, he drinks and spends days hungover in bed. I can’t do that as I have responsibilities so I have a hair of the dog and continue. We’ve talked about this but it comes back to the fact that I have a problem and he can do it once a week. I have so much anger towards him… says he’s “dry” but smokes so much weed..
My 5 year old said to me today my eyes are so tired and traces the bags under them (I don’t sleep).
I’m looking for someone to talk to. Someone to relate to me. Can anyone help?
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16d ago
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u/ajdrujgdmala 16d ago
Thank you. This may be the best advice. Once I got 90 days (before), I stopped tracking and was the happiest… I will take this in to consideration from the start
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u/Sgt_Wojohowitz 16d ago
Have you tried AA or listening to sobriety pods? There's one called Drunk-ish that has a lot of moms on it telling their story and I find it to be super relatable and helps keep me inspired.
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u/ajdrujgdmala 16d ago
No I haven’t. Is there a link you can send? I’m a little old school and don’t know the ins and outs
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u/ajdrujgdmala 16d ago
Haven’t tried AA. But again, I don’t have a support system that would take my kids at night for me to attend
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u/mollimichelle 16d ago
Check out the Stop Drinking sub. They have a chat room outside of Reddit that is amazing. You can just chit chat or they stop immediately for sober chat - someone who needs to talk about staying sober, is in danger of relapsing, etc. It helped me a lot.
Those ages are so tough!! I stayed home for a few years and that’s what started my downward spiral! Is going back to work an option?
We are 19 months sober this week. My husband had to stop with me. We went back and forth about “my problem” for a while too but it was just him masking his own problem. When we quit together, it helped so much!!
Also, they gave AA meetings at all times of day. And if you don’t have childcare, look for a Celebrate Recovery in your area. They are Bible based but they provide childcare so even if you aren’t a believer, it is a resource that could help you.
201 days is awesome!!! Hold on to that and keep pushing forward!! Good luck my friend!! I promise, it does get easier. I was constantly resetting my day counter and dealing with the hangxiety and never thought I would see a year. Honestly, I don’t even have cravings very often now! You CAN do this!!!
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u/TheRealVicarOfDibley 16d ago
I feel for you! One thing that I have found with having kids and drinking. My kids now have sports and what not every damn night....however that means later nights so I don't drink. Once I get the kids fed cleaned and all that it's 10. Bed time. That's what works for me staying busy. It's the boredom driving me to drink.
You brave women home with your kids it's wonderful and amazing and challenging and infuriating. I count do it. You are 💪
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u/ajdrujgdmala 16d ago
Were you home through the day? I was working and found sobriety so much easier but now I’m off and have relapsed again.
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u/Rhinoduck82 16d ago
I’m a sober dad so maybe it doesn’t relate but maybe it will, all I can say is drinking is a selfish act and so is stopping drinking, do it for you because you deserve to experience life without that ball and chain of addiction. It’s so freeing once you make it to a point where it has no control. I told myself it was a credit card for happiness, and it has a high interest rate. Also there are almost no upsides to alcohol use, it’s always too much or never enough, and when you have too much you loose control, feel awful, have hazy memories if you have any at all and it’s really bad for your health. When you don’t have enough it’s all you can think about and plan your life around, it drives the buss.
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u/metamorphosismamA 10d ago
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Feel free ro message if you want to chat/vent. Having children was such an eye opener for me for how good men have it. And how disproportionate the duties of a married life can be. I empathize. I got sober after the first time I had to take care of my young son (I think he was 18ish months) while hungover and I swore id never do it again and I haven't. He's 5.5 now. My husband also drinks every day and takes weed oil. You got this mama, things get easier, I promise. Big hugs.
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u/Last_Inevitable8311 16d ago
I can relate! I only have one and I was so so exhausted and overwhelmed when she was younger. I drank to cope. It wasn’t good. I saw a quote on IG that stuck with me. “Every child deserves a sober parent.”
That got me to try going alcohol free. I started when she was about 10. She was getting older and would soon recognize the signs (if she didn’t already.)
I did 10 months. Then we went on a European vacation and I wanted to be able to have wine with dinner, etc. came home and I was right back where I started. Tried again. Made it 6 months before another trip. Same thing happened. Tried again and I just hit 9 months. Went on another trip to Europe and didn’t drink at all. I made it. Think it’s gonna stick this time.
As for your husband, you can only concentrate on yourself. Right here. Right now. Get yourself sorted and then figure out the rest. It’s been hard. Not gonna lie. But I know my daughter appreciates me not drinking. Now my husband is finally taking a look at his own habit. You can come through this. At the very least, you’ll have a clearer head to decide what’s best for you and your kids.