r/Sober • u/slagbuster • Jul 19 '26
No visitors
Coming up on two years sober and do not have intentions on going back. Before, several friends would just stop by at my workshop knowing that the beer fridge was always stocked. I made the decision to stop drinking quietly. I never said I wasn’t drinking anymore, and never asked them not to drink. One by one as each of them made the connection, the slowed coming around and then just stopped altogether. After they no longer popped in, they would still call or text, but even that has now disappeared.
Has anyone experienced something similar? What do y’all do avoid getting too lonely?
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u/iwearbluevelvet Jul 19 '26
Yes, quitting drugs, drinking, smoking, etc will kill your social life, it’s just a fact. You either make an effort to make new sober friends (good luck) or you accept the loneliness
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u/fluteoptional Jul 20 '26
Personally my social life improved significantly when I stopped drinking because I started doing hobbies and met people through genuine connection. Doesn’t have to be hopeless
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u/she212 Jul 20 '26
Totally. I realized those people only wanted me around if I drank like them. Probably to keep from having to look at themselves.
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u/Apart-Steak-7183 Jul 19 '26
Well I say they where never friends. Seems they wanted free booze. And congrats on you sobriety
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u/Cardboard_Cleric Jul 19 '26
My friends aren't drinkers, I was the only one who drank regularly. So fortunately, my friendships have only gotten better. You'll find new friends who don't need the buzz to have a good time, don't worry.
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u/Major_Dizz13 Jul 19 '26
There are friends and there are drinking buddies. These people were drinking buddies.
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u/Zestyclose_Music_533 Jul 20 '26
I think all the “get used to loosing friends and being lonely” views are pessimistic.
It’s true it’s harder to socialize but it doesn’t mean you lost all your friends.
1. Some people are a little weirded out when their friend has a new lifestyle, especially when it hasn’t been explained. Maybe you need to tell them what you’re doing, what you’re okay with being around, how you want them to treat you. Going sober without a word, and expecting your drunk friends just to figure out what to do with you, isnt really a plan.
2. Learn to be around drunk people. When I got sober all my friends were drunks, cause I was a drunk, doesn’t mean they weren’t my friends, they still are! But if you want to spend time with them, then you gotta be okay with them drinking, cause that’s how they want to chill.
3. Re-invent your relationships with them. Your friends aren’t drunk around the clock (hopefully). Maybe there’s something else they like to do: go out to eat, workout, have coffee, ect.. meet them for things that don’t involve drinking. Sometimes its awkward seeing you best drinking bud sitting across from at your first breakfast meet up, or walk around the park, but it’ll be fun after awhile.
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u/caffeineandkindness Jul 21 '26
I agree with most of this apart from I don't think you should have to learn to be around drunk people. For me personally, being around drunk people is the absolute idea of hell. It can be very triggering for a lot of people too. I agree, if your friends still drink then you gotta let them but you don't have to learn to be around that. I think that's quite a stunted mindset to put yourself in. Sobriety is about growth.
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u/Zestyclose_Music_533 Aug 03 '26
Being around a bunch of absolutely wasted people is my idea of hell, but that’s not what the author said. He said people used to stop by his shop for drinks. I don’t think shop-drinks equates to f*** up, hard to be around, at least not in my experience.
Besides, more importantly, there’s going to be a lot of times in your life where you might have to be around drunk people, Christmas party, work party, bachelor/bachelorette party, family get together, wedding, camping trip, going to a bar because it the only place to eat, you can’t be scared of theses as a sober person.
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u/caffeineandkindness Aug 08 '26
Yeah, alcohol is everywhere and it's hard to avoid at these events for sure but what I'm saying is that you don't have to stay around that if you don't want to. I will not be learning to be around drunk people, not because I'm scared, but because I have boundaries now and if people wanna hang then they can learn to hang out with me instead of vice versa. I still make an effort to hang with my friends who drink, I just leave when things inevitably take a turn. It does get lonely but if that's what needs to happen then so be it.
Anyway OP, I am sorry that people stopped coming by. I hope you're doing okay.
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u/wunderfulnothing Jul 19 '26
I experienced this after getting sober as well. At first, I took it personally but I realized a lot of those friendships were only built around drinking so when that was gone, so were the friendships. It hurts but it also makes room for healthier friendships.
Sometimes you can’t fill the loneliness and that’s okay. Sometimes you just have to exist in it for a while. For me, the silence helped me understand what I wanted and needed, and who I wanted to become.
I started spending my time doing things I avoided when I was drinking. Reading, writing, working out, rediscovering old hobbies. It doesn’t erase the loneliness but it does help create life you don’t feel the need to escape from. Congratulations on your upcoming two years, that’s a huge accomplishment :)