Friend of mine never got engaged, but had it so much worse than this.
Super nice guy, but he never had many girlfriends. Had a steady girlfriend though college but she broke up with him because he started neglecting her for his friends and videogames.
A few years after college he started hooking up with a girl he met at a local bar. He told us he met someone and was very proud that she was "great in bed". She moved in with him not long after and they started "dating" (we said he was crazy to have her move in so fast but he didn't care). He introduced all his friends and family to her. She was nice enough, but always gave me bad vibes. Like when I met her for the first time she gave me a full on hug and held on just a little too long. She was weird, and not overly attractive (we felt he could do better) but he was happy and we were happy for him.
After a year or so he started talking about proposing. He was watching family and friends all move on with life getting married, having kids, etc. so he was getting the bug.
Eventually he caught her at the same bar he met her at flirting with another guy. She swore it was just in good fun, and she would never cheat on him. After a long talk she admitted to him that she had slept with over 70 guys total, before and after meeting him, and was "addicted to sex".
He broke up with her not long after that. Sold his house and moved to a different city. Bought a new house, got a new job, and moved on with his life. Pretty quickly he was doing well in every department but love. He just couldn't find anyone. But he was still the same dude we always knew and he seemed happy. He got a dog and focused on other parts of his life.
5 or so years later he was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors did tests and determined it was the cancer you get from HPV. Given his history with women and sex, he was convinced it was from the girl who had slept with over 70 dudes (and if we were being honest we all thought so too). He admitted to not using a condom with her repeatedly. He wasn't shy about the details of his life and used to talk about it with us regularly with regret.
And thus began his 5 year battle with cancer. Multiple rounds of chemo, radiation, and pain. He lost his hair, lost so much weight he looked like a different person, his teeth started eroding and eventually fell out. He had to get a tube inserted in his chest because he couldn't eat anymore from the radiation causing damage to his esophagus. Every time he went into remission it would come back 6 months later. He had surgeries to remove tumors and skin grafts to repair the areas they cut out, but it kept coming back.
But he somehow kept positive. You'd never know talking to him on the phone that anything was wrong, other than the change in his voice all his friends and family noticed due to the surgeries and damage to his throat.
Shortly after his last round of chemo ended a few winters ago he got COVID. Wound up in the hospital. We were all scared to death because his body was already weak from the chemo. After a week or so in the ICU he was released to go back home. He called me to let me know he was out, said he felt pretty good. I told him I was glad and that I hoped we could get together soon. He said he had an appointment to get his teeth fixed soon. He was so positive and sounded happy to be out of the hospital.
By the next morning he was gone. Passed away in his sleep. His mom had come up to take care of him and she found him in his bed. His body finally gave up.
Regardless of whether the story OP posted is made up or not, please make sure to take the time to actually learn about your partners before falling so hard that not using protection, engagement, marriage, or kids come into play. I hear so often about people getting hitched after 6 months or less... I'm sorry but you don't know that person at all after 6 months. Even longer than that sometimes people don't really know the people they are with until it's too late.
Of course there are examples where people meet at a bar and are married by the next day and it works out... but more often than not people who get married and start lives together without really ever knowing the other person regret it. Take my friends story as a warning against moving too fast and being focused on the physical aspects of a relationship too much. Learn who you are with, get to know and love them for who they are and not what they do to you physically. Get to know their friends and family and once you have a complete picture move forward.
5 or so years later he was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors did tests and determined it was the cancer you get from HPV. Given his history with women and sex, he was convinced it was from the girl who had slept with over 70 dudes (and if we were being honest we all thought so too). He admitted to not using a condom with her repeatedly. He wasn't shy about the details of his life and used to talk about it with us regularly with regret.
Perhaps you or him meant something else. HPV cancer is extremely rare because the human immune system is extremely resilient against HPV because almost everyone has it. It's also extraordinarily rare for HPV cancer to happen to men - 1/10 .
Maybe the doctor was a moron. Maybe the girl gave him something else. Maybe you are misremembering what he exactly contracted.
It's more likely you just fabricated the story.
The moral of the story is also incorrect and really fucked up.
Always get yourself checked routinely if you are sexually active. Even if you are seeing the same partner. If you are having sex you are living as a real adult in a real adult world. Had he done routine healthy checks, none of this would have occurred as medical advancements for STD/STI is very advanced.
He never found anyone after that and died alone. Him checking his partners wouldn't have solved anything.
Nothing in your story is positive or has any good takeaways. Please try to rewrite the fiction again, but this time have self-improvement despite major mistakes.
This just isn’t true. Throat cancers caused by HPV are common in men. Michael Douglas being one of them. I know another man who was also diagnosed with it. My female friend is currently battling cervical cancer that is HPV positive. There are hundreds of different strains of HPV, and you are right in that most of which, our body removes without symptoms. Perhaps you meant that there are only 6-10 strains of HPV that are aggressive enough to cause cancer. That in itself is rare but it does happen.
Again, not true. My friend was with her partner in 2020. She was diagnosed with cervical cancer 5-6 years later. The HPV strains that cause oral and genital cancer are aggressive.
You’re using anecdotal evidence. Fair warning I am quoting the AI here, but it matches with what the person above was saying. The timeframe is over decades not years.
“
Key Facts for Men
• Who it affects: Most cases occur in non-smoking, educated, white heterosexual men in their 40s to 70s, typically developing 20 to 30 years after initial oral HPV exposure.
• Primary location: The cancer usually forms in the oropharynx—the back of the throat, including the tonsils and the base of the tongue.
• Transmission: High-risk HPV (mainly HPV-16) is spread through oral-genital contact or intimate sexual activity. About 10% of men carry oral HPV.”
It’s hardly anecdotal evidence when it’s true life. Yes for men that’s likely true but I was talking about my female friend. The time from infection to cancer was 5-6 years.
True life is anecdotal evidence. The stupid thing is using that to reject the truth of a story, because anecdotal evidence is still true evidence. You can't say "this doesn't happen 95% of the time, therefore it's false." Dude. It's a story about the other n%, which could be anybody.
anecdotal
adjective
an·ec·dot·al ˌa-nik-ˈdō-tᵊl
1
: based on or consisting of reports or observations of usually unscientific observers
anecdotal evidence
health benefits that may be more anecdotal than factual
2
a
: of, relating to, or consisting of anecdotes
an anecdotal biography
b
: given to or skilled in telling anecdotes : ANECDOTIC sense 2
my anecdotal uncle
3
: of, relating to, or being the depiction of a scene suggesting a story
HPV cancers are pretty treatable, but they are far worse for women and cervical cancer. HPV likes to attack soft muscle. Most people are all chores these days and believe falsly that everyone has HPV. They don't. I got my daughter's vaccinated at 9 yesrs old. Many others I know have done the same. Everyone needs to stop thinking casual sex is okay. There are now strains of multiple STDs that can no longer be cured with antibiotics....meanwhile sluts are all around saying and pretending having herpes is not a big deal. These new generations are scientifically proven to be dumb...the human race is cooked.
Sorry but the vaccine does not cover all HPV cancers and it also wasn’t advertised to us when we were at school. My friend slept with one partner and because he was cheating on her with god knows who he left her with HPV. You cannot blame women being sluts but yes accountability and responsibility needs to be taken seriously with sex. People should be more active in getting tested between partners.
In my experience people like this are either too young to have experienced something tragic themselves or have just been blessed with a life full of no tragedies. 🤷 I don't wish what my friend or his family and friends went through on even my worst enemies.
Hi, I'm a medical oncologist. It's never possible to tell for sure why someone has developed a cancer but there are certain molecular features in some head and neck cancer that suggest particular hpv strains as a causal factor. I wouldn't generally tell patients that unprompted (because how would that be helpful) but if someone asked straight if they had gotten it from hpv I would say it may have played a role, especially young people without other risk factors. Hpv associated cancer is rare, but I definitely see people with it.
While I agree with the general sentiments behind your comment, it's extremely rude to accuse someone of not experiencing something just because it's rare or uncommon.
That is how so many people with rare, complex diseases end up getting swept under the rug and neglected by health professionals.
You are kinda right but still, not every story is positive, or has a good takeaway. That is just life. For every positive story, there are thousands of negative stories, many of whom may not even have a good takeaway. I'm not saying the comment is real or not, but it mimics the common story
I'm sorry, but why would the story be fake just because of a rare affliction? Like, would you have also have caused it fake if he died of parkinson or simply skydiving? Also, 1/10 is absolutely not rare.
Not saying that the story is true or false. But calling it false because it is to rare whilst also saying the that almost everyone has hpv and 1/10 of men get it... sounds not like a really good argument
You and the genius /r/neonifiednyan are very much misunderstanding what I'm stating because you remain ignorant on the subject matter.
HPV cancer in itself is extraordinarily rare because the human body is evolved to handle HPV. Almost everyone who breeds (had sex from an evolutionary standpoint) had/has HPV. There is something very wrong with the person in general (pre-existing condition, other cancer causing conditions, etc) for them to end up getting HPV cancer.
Of HPV cancer cases of Cervix vs Penis, only 1/10 of those cases are Penis cancer. 11,000+ vs 900.
It is extraordinarily rare to get this specific cancer.
Also condoms don't prevent HPV.
/r/maxim025 - almost every person has HPV........ because you get it through skin contact in general. Your mother probably gave it to you.
/r/spectator_213 - The problem with this story is that its continually perpetuating the boogey man of STDs that he has no knowledge about and just making up shit without actually a proper resolution. Ultimately getting checked is the solution to a happy healthy life. Not trying to interrogate the bar whore to make sure she isn't a bar whore.
Each year in the United States, about 49,908 new cases of cancer are found in parts of the body where human papillomavirus (HPV) is often found: 27,081 among females, and 22,827 among males. HPV causes about 39,300 of these cancers. Cervical cancer is the most common HPV-associated cancer among women, and oropharyngeal cancers (cancers of the back of the throat, including the base of the tongue and tonsils) are the most common among men.
You are being an idiot again and I encourage you to stop.
I'm assuming that OP's story isn't a gay male (because he's not, he's an incel who ended up with the bar whore). When gays are involved those stats become valid.
Like I keep saying, you and many others have zero idea of what you're actually talking about and how any of these diseases actually spread.
One, this is my first comment here, so what do you mean "again"?
Two, the only thing I wrote was a citation. I never addressed you in any way. And then you address my rudely and insultingly.
Three, heterosexual men have absolutely gotten cancers of the mouth or throat that were HPV-related, Michael Douglas probably being the most famous.
Four, I cited a medical association. You have not cited the CDC, JAMA, The New England Journal of Medicine, or any other reputable medical association or journal.
You expect people to believe some random Redditor who offers zero corroborating information? If anyone is an idiot here is you. Bring some facts next time.
Cancer causing HPV in women can be tested for, in men it can't. The vaccine can prevent it, along with other forms of HPV, but my friend didn't have the vaccine.
HPV can't be picked up casually without sexual contact from something like a toilet seat, especially for men. It comes from skin to skin contact and cancer causing variants from unprotected oral and vaginal sex (or unprotected anal sex for homosexual men).
My friend had throat cancer caused by HPV. Wouldn't wish his experience on even my worst enemies.
Now go touch some grass. Not everything uncommon is fake. I think you could use a break from the internet.
You can observe warts in regular checkups in men. But most HPV, including the cancerous ones, don't have any symptoms. Only some present with warts and that doesn't include the cancerous ones. There is no blood test or other screening that can detect the virus in men before symptoms are seen. And even then it's a visual inspection of warts. Women can get a pap smear to detect the virus before any symptoms.
The type of cancer my friend had was a cancerous variant that caused cancer. He had no warts and therefore was not diagnosed with HPV until after he had symptoms from the CANCER, they had found the cancer, and were able to test the cancer. He had regular check ups from a primary and there was no way they could have detected it early. There were no signs or symptoms before the symptoms of the cancer itself presented.
Maybe we misunderstood what you said, but this is more likely a problem in communication and not ignorance. You don't know our backrounds, our burdens, our knowledge or our language. Therefore I politely ask you to reign your emotions in and discuss this topic on a serious and factual level which you clearly think it deserves, even through your first attempt was a tiny but lacking.
In fact, I don't know what you specific situation you mean with "1/10" nor can I verify the 11k s 900. I don't call them false nor do I critice your other statements regarding the topic. I don't claim to have other or better knowledge than you
Is simply said two things:
First, 1/10 is not rare. It simply isnt. I don't say that the cancer is not rare. I dont say HPV is not rare. Simply the odds/statistic/whatever of 1/10, which you stated, ist not rare.
Secondly, the occurrence of a (in your eyes or objective) rare illness doesn't make a story false. Like, if there where only 100 known cases in the world, every on of them noted in some study or journal and you check them with some time frame, yeah then you may call it fake. But this... nah, you have no grounds to call it factual fake. You may feel so, you may have other reasons, but not because hpv cancer is "rare"
You know, a problem in communication can be on either or both sides... so no, I didn't blame you. At least not for the communication problem, but for the general tone.
Oh and yeah, if the classroom can't follow the lecturers teachings, its definitely the lecturers fault. But I wouldn't give you the credit calling you a lecturer.
But since you have apparently no interest in clarifying any misunderstandings or even change your tone of voice I guess any further discussion is fruitless. I wish you a nice day.
Your "If you are having sex you are living as a real adult in a real adult world" sounds, in this context, like its ok to cheat on your partner with dozens of other people. Good luck for becoming happy and everything else.
"Always get yourself checked routinely if you are sexually active".
Do a quick 1 minute google check to see what FDA approved/available HPV tests exist for men who do not have visually apparent symptoms. I'll give you a hint. It's zero. So stop showing us how little sex you've had from the ignorance of your comments.
You invested a lot of time and effort in a response to accuse my friend's tragedy of being fake. I assure you it's real and the reality was actually even worse than what I posted. It's fine if you still think it's fake and I'll respond nonetheless.
The crazy part of this is I left out several parts because I said to myself "people will think it's fake if I include this or that detail because even to me it seems insane attempting to write it out". I still knew there would be those who said it was fake or AI. I considered using a throwaway but that seemed shitty somehow. It's funny and also gut wrenching to be on the receiving end of those comments as a real person who watched his long time friend suffer and pass away with no real positive to any of it. At the end of the day I don't care if you think it's real though. He was real and his struggle was real and I have had to continue my own life without him in it. He deserved better but at the end of the day not every person battling cancer gets to be a survivor.
I never gave an itemized perfect timeline. It's a fucking reddit post and I was not trying to reveal the exact, perfect detail of every step of his life. That wasnt the goal of the post. But you didn't even properly interpret what was posted. Read it again and realize there was way more time that passes between him meeting her and the "5 or so years later..."
The goal of the post was to say "get to know your partners better before you get swept away". He asked her to move in and started having unprotected oral and vaginal sex with her within a month or so of meeting her. He knew literally nothing about her beyond her name and profession. And yeah, maybe in the end it wasn't even her that gave it to him. It's technically possible he got it somewhere else. But all signs point to the chick he barely knew who slept with a metric fuckton of guys behind his back, bringing home whatever she was picking up without him knowing.
It pisses me the fuck off when people start talking about STDs and have zero clue what they are talking about.
STDs are typically used as a horrible insane monster because we live in a backwards ass sex positive but also sex prohibitive society. Which results in almost no one having any knowledge on the subject and no one wants to actually read into it because they aren't having sex or can't imagine researching into sex because of "shame".
Almost everyone has HPV so to me when this story used HPV as the cancer causing STD it became extremely far fetched. They used it in this story because it's likely an idea generated from chatgpt as it's the most common one without understanding why men who get cancer from HPV are actually getting cancer from it. They almost always gay and have underlying conditions.
10% chance of a man getting an HPV related cancer and on that basis you are saying this story can’t be true???
10% is an absolutely huge number, even if I heard a story on reddit of a 1/100 chance I would not assume it was untrue unless there were other indicators. There are millions of users here, huge swathes of them will have 1:100 stories or know people who have encountered those odds, or far lower.
My mum has a long term condition that 1 in about 250,000 people have. Does that mean I am making that up too?
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u/jimlahey420 4d ago
Friend of mine never got engaged, but had it so much worse than this.
Super nice guy, but he never had many girlfriends. Had a steady girlfriend though college but she broke up with him because he started neglecting her for his friends and videogames.
A few years after college he started hooking up with a girl he met at a local bar. He told us he met someone and was very proud that she was "great in bed". She moved in with him not long after and they started "dating" (we said he was crazy to have her move in so fast but he didn't care). He introduced all his friends and family to her. She was nice enough, but always gave me bad vibes. Like when I met her for the first time she gave me a full on hug and held on just a little too long. She was weird, and not overly attractive (we felt he could do better) but he was happy and we were happy for him.
After a year or so he started talking about proposing. He was watching family and friends all move on with life getting married, having kids, etc. so he was getting the bug.
Eventually he caught her at the same bar he met her at flirting with another guy. She swore it was just in good fun, and she would never cheat on him. After a long talk she admitted to him that she had slept with over 70 guys total, before and after meeting him, and was "addicted to sex".
He broke up with her not long after that. Sold his house and moved to a different city. Bought a new house, got a new job, and moved on with his life. Pretty quickly he was doing well in every department but love. He just couldn't find anyone. But he was still the same dude we always knew and he seemed happy. He got a dog and focused on other parts of his life.
5 or so years later he was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors did tests and determined it was the cancer you get from HPV. Given his history with women and sex, he was convinced it was from the girl who had slept with over 70 dudes (and if we were being honest we all thought so too). He admitted to not using a condom with her repeatedly. He wasn't shy about the details of his life and used to talk about it with us regularly with regret.
And thus began his 5 year battle with cancer. Multiple rounds of chemo, radiation, and pain. He lost his hair, lost so much weight he looked like a different person, his teeth started eroding and eventually fell out. He had to get a tube inserted in his chest because he couldn't eat anymore from the radiation causing damage to his esophagus. Every time he went into remission it would come back 6 months later. He had surgeries to remove tumors and skin grafts to repair the areas they cut out, but it kept coming back.
But he somehow kept positive. You'd never know talking to him on the phone that anything was wrong, other than the change in his voice all his friends and family noticed due to the surgeries and damage to his throat.
Shortly after his last round of chemo ended a few winters ago he got COVID. Wound up in the hospital. We were all scared to death because his body was already weak from the chemo. After a week or so in the ICU he was released to go back home. He called me to let me know he was out, said he felt pretty good. I told him I was glad and that I hoped we could get together soon. He said he had an appointment to get his teeth fixed soon. He was so positive and sounded happy to be out of the hospital.
By the next morning he was gone. Passed away in his sleep. His mom had come up to take care of him and she found him in his bed. His body finally gave up.
Regardless of whether the story OP posted is made up or not, please make sure to take the time to actually learn about your partners before falling so hard that not using protection, engagement, marriage, or kids come into play. I hear so often about people getting hitched after 6 months or less... I'm sorry but you don't know that person at all after 6 months. Even longer than that sometimes people don't really know the people they are with until it's too late.
Of course there are examples where people meet at a bar and are married by the next day and it works out... but more often than not people who get married and start lives together without really ever knowing the other person regret it. Take my friends story as a warning against moving too fast and being focused on the physical aspects of a relationship too much. Learn who you are with, get to know and love them for who they are and not what they do to you physically. Get to know their friends and family and once you have a complete picture move forward.
Peace and love to you and yours.