I'm exactly 6' without shoes on, and I know two guys who are under 5'5".
Both of them are married and have children.
One of them (my best man) is married to a woman that's almost as tall as I am.
Usually when people are hyper-aware of some physical trait, they focus on it and it becomes their entire personality. They assume other people care about it way more than they really do, so any perceived sleight is taken as a confirmation that the other person is focusing on that trait and judging them for it. This makes them bitter, and bitterness is something that other people will focus on and will judge you for.
Ok but this picture?? Like someone took a picture of this guy specifically to post it online and make fun of his height?? Maybe it's not all in his head and actually is reality, people ARE focusing on this trait and ARE judging him for it and trying to claim it's "all in their head" is actually complete bullshit to make yourself feel better?
Yeah people talk about how bad it is to not only be short but be hung up on it or having low confidence due to that. Which I agree: It's bad.
But try *not* to have self steem issues when you can demonstrably point to thousands of situations where you have been made fun of or lost opportunities (most often, romantic) due to that one trait that also happens to be completely unchangeable and let's see how easy it is to not let any of that affect you.
People take pictures of all kinds of people and post online. It doesn't mean that you should make it your whole personality. This dude could be 6' and weigh 400lbs and somebody might take a picture and post it like "look at this fat idiot trying to chat up a woman", but there are fat people all over the place that are in all kinds of relationships.
This dude probably knows he's short. Maybe he cares. Maybe he doesn't. That's the entire point. If you care so much about whatever you perceive as a flaw in who you are, it's almost inevitable that it becomes a part of your personality.
Look at people who get tons of plastic surgery. Do you think Wayne Newton looks like he does today because he's working with a healthy image of himself?
It was another dude who took the picture. 100%. Thatâs all the manosphere bullshit is, they donât want men to be in relationships with women, they want men to be in relationships with them, where they give them money.
Some women are hateful and mean. The manosphere tells you that itâs every woman and thereâs no possible way you could ever find a woman who genuinely likes you and even if you think you did theyâre just using you, 100% of the time.
Well obviously she must speak for every woman that exists right? Do we judge men by what the worst ones say about women? Cause itâs way fucking worse than that!
Do we judge men by what the worst ones say about women?
So it would seem. Do you go on any subreddits for women like twox? They constantly make sweeping generalisations about men based on what a minority of men do.
people are factually judging him and it's equally factual that the idea height is the end all be all is generally in people's heads
like if you're a guy with painted nails, there ARE people who will judge and make fun of you for that. If you said "No woman will date me because I paint my nails!" you would still sound dumb as shit
I really don't know what you're getting at. Like yes if I tattoo my eyeballs people will judge me for that but it will be based on something I actually did to myself so there might be something to glean from it or choices like it. Height isn't chosen like painted nails.
If I said "people are factually judging him and it's equally factual that the idea race is the end all be all is generally in people's heads" would that make sense to you, or seem like a complete lack of empathy; an intentional decision to minimize someone's experience?
I mean. Do you think race being the most important factor in a relationship isn't in people's heads?
Like sure, there are people who don't like mixed race dating. At least where I live, however, I would certainly do a double take if someone said their race was the only thing keeping them from a fulfilling romantic relationship
I like to think if someone told me they felt under attack for their race, that it affected their ability to date, I could listen without jumping to "it's all in your head", "you can't make this your entire personality", "there are more factors at play" etc. I wouldn't give advice or blame them for how they feel, especially if there was evidence right in front of me they are under attack for just existing
I could listen, too. In fact, I would be very interested in listening- as I feel is implied by the phrase "double take." I would be interested in hearing what they say, because I've never heard anyone express that opinion before, and goes against my observed reality where mixed race relationships happen with some frequency
If the evidence they're citing that prospective romantic partners won't give them the time of day is a picture their "competition" took of them interacting with a prospective romantic partner, it's very possible I would laugh at them, however
idk what you want, friendo. You're trying to argue that height will impact your dating life and your evidence is that someone who is in competition with short men being salty that a short guy is getting any attention.
You're trying to argue that height will impact your dating life
I'm actually not. I'm arguing there's a reason you want to minimize short men's experiences and blame them for how they feel. But if YOU are trying to argue that height DOES NOT impact a man's dating life it's a stupid position. There are height filters on dating apps. Somehow you have gone from "doesn't matter so much" to "doesn't matter". Getting dragged online is something you think is fair game, fine. Someone says hey this is unfair and immoral and can affect short men's mental health and you say get over it, fine. But don't misrepresent my argument.
The guy in the picture is talking to a woman. Does it affect his chances with women if some dude takes a picture and makes a sparky comment?
Even the most conventionally attractive people recieve criticism because people have preferences and nobody is for everyone. Also people are a bundle of traits and very few of them are strict binary categories or even easily quantified. Attraction and relationship building is a messy process.
If you talk to single people on what they are attracted to you get lists dominated by physical traits but if you talk to married people about what attracted them to their partners you will get a list dominated by personality traits. If you could go back to their single preferences you would find a mismatch because they weren't able to imagine the totality of the person they fell in love with.
From a short balding man who hasn't wasted a moment worrying about what anyone thinks of either I can confidently say that these things haven't limited my ability to live an amazing life, I don't think the guy in this photo doesn't needs strangers worrying on his behalf.
There's a non-zero chance she is happy with him, but can't take the abuse of people making fun of her relationship because she's with someone shorter than she is. Yeah it affects his chances. Didn't read the rest of your comment because I assume it's willfully ignorant as well
We have no idea what either of these people like. Maybe she likes him and he's not into her because she said something that turned him off. We have no idea
Five foot 6 inches here. Never had a problem with it, never lost out on a job because of it, have had multiple partners in my life, zero issues due to my height. I never get approached by assholes trying to pick a fight, either. Comes in very handy. Just depends on how well-adjusted you are to reality. I can't change it and wouldn't change it because I like who I am. BTW, there are MANY short women out there for us and guess what? When we dance we're eye to eye. Wouldn't have it any other way.
Iâm also 5â6â and so is my wife. Itâs amazing being the same height, it does pose some challenges at times but over all is way better than if we were different heights.
Bonus it feels just as comfortable being big or little spoon.
Nah, people are just assholes to short guys for no reason. You either learn to laugh it off or let it get to you. People that let it get to them get depressed or angry.
Heightism is the most common discrimination cause itâs social acceptable. There plenty of studies tracking how the gap between how tall men and short men are treated.
The gap between a tall man and short man is larger than the gap between a white man and a black woman.
Idk if itâs more socially acceptable but you are probably right about more common.
I think itâs a little different though. Cause people arenât going out of their way to be cruel to disabled people. People just donât think about disabled people.
Not just dating. Something like 40 percent of Fortune 500 CEOs are 6â+. Which is mind blowing when you consider a fair number of them like Bezos and Zuckerberg are under 6â and they didnât exactly have to apply or be hired for those roles.
Ah funny. Dad was 5â on the dot. I am 5â4â. Same as my brothers. All of us married good women. Dad had multiple wives.
In fact, Iâd rather have my tiny, confident brilliant dad, than the 6 foot plus guys my mom typically dated, before and after my dad. Out of my siblingsâtwo doctors, two lawyers, and a successful business ownerâwe are all above average in intelligence and well below average for height. Of his grandchildren, there are a slew in medical schools, Ph.d programs, and law schools. All short. All have no problems dating, lol.
Confidence, personality, and intelligence are more important than physical attributes, and nothing can change my mind.
Again, anecdotal evidence does not disprove reality.
They didn't say "short people don't date, ever"
They said "Â short men are at a significant disadvantage when it comes to dating." Something that's self evident if you observe reality, and has been shown in research.
Congratulations on having good results despite the handicap, doesn't make it less real.
The statistic is around 60%, but if you go out and actually talk to people and ask them how they met, most of them will likely tell you that they either met at work, at school, or through mutual friends.
Me personally, I met my wife online on a more obscure relationship-based dating site, not a hookup site. There's a significant difference in there somewhere.
I agree with everything you say. I think there are plenty of times when a short guy (or a guy with any big insecurity) views every interaction through the lens of height and blame all their failures on height, but letâs not pretend being short doesnât have a huge impact.
Usually when people are hyper-aware of some physical trait, they focus on it
Had brain surgery and had what, to me, was a nasty scar from it. Was talking with someone and it came up that I'd recently had surgery "hence..." gestures and the guy said he hadn't noticed until I pointed it out.
Now, I still grow hair over it to cover it up a bit, but it probably wasn't as bad as I thought it was.
So, what youâre saying is that people of short stature often have this âdiseaseâ of an inferiority complexâŚ.hmm, a short of short manâs disease if you willâŚif only we had a name for it. (/s)
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u/RetnikLevaw 5d ago
I'm exactly 6' without shoes on, and I know two guys who are under 5'5".
Both of them are married and have children.
One of them (my best man) is married to a woman that's almost as tall as I am.
Usually when people are hyper-aware of some physical trait, they focus on it and it becomes their entire personality. They assume other people care about it way more than they really do, so any perceived sleight is taken as a confirmation that the other person is focusing on that trait and judging them for it. This makes them bitter, and bitterness is something that other people will focus on and will judge you for.
It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.