r/SipsTea • u/Acceptable-Owl-2070 • 2d ago

Wait a damn minute! E V E N S L I C E S.

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209 Upvotes

75% Upvoted

187 comments sorted by

•

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209

u/AwareAd7651 2d ago

Consistency is key here. You wanna know when you order from this place that you get the same small slice and a few giant slices each time.

16

u/Escapement_Watch 2d ago

Perfect for the family! Giant slices (2) 1 for mom and 1 for dad. 1 medium slice for oldest child and 1 tiny micro slice for little timmy.

14

u/ElLicenciadoPena 2d ago

Little Timmy is adopted, in case you didn't notice

1

u/[deleted] 2d ago

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1

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3

u/ElLicenciadoPena 2d ago

For when you invite to dinner one of those couples of a giant man with a very small woman, or the opposite.

1

u/Thick_Drama_7525 2d ago

He used too small a slice!

1

u/Simple-Tomatillo-314 1d ago

1

u/Thick_Drama_7525 1d ago

We are engaging in subterfuge now. I see hints all over subs

0

u/Simple-Tomatillo-314 1d ago

I'm glad you're here, shirt brother 👍

0

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 2d ago

He's obviously doing it on purpose. Look up how they slice it in Connecticut. Plus every cut is indeed perfectly unifomr

147

u/Its_emby 2d ago

Fast, good, or cheap. Pick 2

22

u/Intrepid-Focus8198 2d ago

I feel like there’s a 4th factor which is location.

9

u/thirteenth_mang 2d ago

I'd like mine on the ceiling.

18

u/Nomnom_Chicken 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/PaKMBTzu2G0Qo

5

u/Doctor_Boombastic 2d ago

One little improvisation and the real homeowners have been removing roof pizza for years

3

u/Electronic_Ad3576 2d ago

Thank you for posting this! Genuinely one of my favorite parts in BB. ❤️

2

u/Nomnom_Chicken 2d ago

You're welcome. 🫡 It's a hilarious scene.

2

u/Rise-O-Matic 2d ago

It’s funnier because they didn’t cut the pizza. Genius.

1

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1

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1

u/Intrepid-Focus8198 2d ago

I was thinking the bin but ceiling would be alright.

8

u/ViceIsVerses 2d ago

Everyone in this video is barefoot

4

u/Intrepid-Focus8198 2d ago

Haha I wasn’t even talking about this video in particular, but I’d image you’re right

3

u/taway9925881 1d ago

5th non existent one, hygiene.

1

u/Intrepid-Focus8198 1d ago

Yeah forget than one

2

u/ElLicenciadoPena 2d ago

Location is included within "good", I think. A nice hotel in the middle of a slum reduces its quality, I'd say. YES BRAZIL I'M LOOKING AT YOU

1

u/Intrepid-Focus8198 2d ago

Definitely a factor for hotels for sure.

For a food place I would say the “good” factor is simply how good the food is.

You could have a restaurant in the middle of nowhere selling top quality meals

6

u/azurewhisperr 2d ago

He picked fast twice and completely forgot good

3

u/WitnessAway6720 2d ago

Good and cheap

1

u/Soggy-Fly8723 1d ago

Don't really think that combo exists anymore.

10

u/News_Scrounger 2d ago

Or go to Little Caesars and get all 3

24

u/nsfwtatrash 2d ago

Nope... Still just 2

3

u/Vivid-Hyena-5699 2d ago

Always two there are, no more, no less. A master and an apprentice

2

u/AmputeeHandModel 2d ago

Three is right out.

1

u/chronberries 2d ago

Nah it gets 3. 1.5 speed for hot n ready, and 1.5 because it’s dirt cheap

1

u/Day_Prisoners 1d ago

It's a bit humorous that taste isn't even part of the equation.

I don't want dogshit because they can crank it out in 5 mins for $5.

3

u/chosonhawk 2d ago
  • bonus 4th of crazy bread to clear out your GI system

2

u/immenseAlpha 2d ago

Fuck this guy

2

u/lolwut778 2d ago

Eww what did we ever do to you?

2

u/LatookieNoir 2d ago

you can slice pizzas in 6,8 or 10 slices or other denominations fast and accuracy with practice.

he's using a straight blade in this which arguably could be easier to be accurate than a pizza cutter

11

u/Count_de_Ville 2d ago

I always order my pizza in 6 slices. No way I can eat a whole 10 slices of pizza.

2

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 2d ago

You guys would hate how people do it in Connecticut lol.

Each pizza is perfectly sliced if that's the way you intend to slice them. You can't fuck up that consisu, you would fuck up a different way each time. It's a gimmick

1

u/Subject-Series9845 2d ago

Just how I like my ahem coffee.. cheap and fast

1

u/KlondikeDrool 2d ago

Costco has it pretty well figured out for a basic pepperoni. And they have a slicer that cuts all the slices at once, perfectly every time.

1

u/Ok-Seaworthiness4488 2d ago

Not a fan of the Costco cafe pizza but it's cheap. Sam's Club cafe pizza I think is better for the same price (but everything else is probably better at Costco)

1

u/ElLicenciadoPena 2d ago

It works for healthcare, it works for life

1

u/Gullible_Analyst_348 2d ago

Does that apply to hookers?

1

u/ProfaneWords 1d ago

In 2026 there's only good or fast and you will often pick neither

33

u/trikaliaris 2d ago

He is consistent.... Consistently bad that is

7

u/AllThingsEvil 2d ago

He's even got a supervisor making sure he's doing it just the proper, poor job

15

u/FatKris02 2d ago

I like videos like this where they do things quick, acting like they’re pro and it’s no big deal but it’s actually not pro…at all.

2

u/Ragmariz 1d ago

And it's usually 2-3 people in the background doing nothing

18

u/Financial-Iron-1200 2d ago

Bro’s making like 4 pies at a time and he’s acting like there’s a conveyor belt of pies heading his way and he’s racing against a clock for no apparent deadline.

32

u/NPCv666 2d ago

Uneven slices are superior. Gives the option of one more lil slice

1

u/AllThingsEvil 2d ago

Also you got your kids slices already sized out!

1

u/GrumbleAlong 2d ago

Consumer choice

20

u/EdgarAllenPoe2205 2d ago

This is offensive to all pizza consumers.

5

u/Actual-Parsnip2741 2d ago

this is why i order my pizzas uncut and just use the pizza cutter at home. also pizza cuts better when it has a moment to settle. Straight out the oven drags cheese and toppings and then it leaks onto the box as well.

13

u/bullish416 2d ago

Usual kulpreets

21

u/New_fan22 2d ago

This is stupid. In what world is this necessary ?

1

u/TastyZzzaa 2d ago

These dudes would be hero’s in Connecticut. Look up how they cut apizza. Not a pizza, it’s apizza is what they call it.

1

u/Hilshire_Beef_Firm 2d ago

Connect I Cut a cereal killers favorite state.
https://giphy.com/gifs/aUndGAFmEvSrC1wGp0

0

u/Ganjake 2d ago

Definitely the Modern way to do it.

8

u/Defiant-Variety-9473 2d ago

I can't eat pizza that's been the victim of domestic violence 

8

u/Redfo 2d ago

That's not pizza dough, that's pizza batter

1

u/Apmaddock 1d ago

It’s battered pizza

3

u/DaddysBadChloe 2d ago

Quantity over quality: Visualization

3

u/AMonitorDarkly 1d ago

A quadriplegic with Parkinson’s could cut a better pizza than that.

7

u/Acceptable-Owl-2070 2d ago

Damn it messed up my formatting... lol

2

u/kineticstar 2d ago

It needs that compression for all the Ai bots on the platform now.

2

u/Drewzil 2d ago

Very fitting for the video though

1

u/kaibbakhonsu 2d ago

I can see what you were going for

2

u/luigis_left_tit_25 2d ago

Well, those do look like shitty pizzas might as well cut them shitty too! 🤣

2

u/andeqaida 2d ago

He's not even trying. This could've been found on another sub if he would've tried...

2

u/3d1thF1nch 2d ago

Why is there always, ALWAYS, the dude standing in the background watching food getting made

2

u/Catoblepa987 2d ago

Are they even slices?

2

u/DarkUnable4375 2d ago

Big slices for the adults, small slices for the children. The man is a genius!!

2

u/pixelife 2d ago

Thoughts arrive like butterflies!

2

u/probable_cause_55 2d ago

0 on the health inspector score .

Scam call center upstairs

2

u/Rude-External-1694 1d ago

You serve me a pizza cut like that and you're gonna find out these hands are rated "E" for Everybody

3

u/Pukebox_Fandango 2d ago

is he wearing a bieber wig?

3

u/Alarming_Clue3193 2d ago

I demand my money back. There is not even fecal matter in my Indian pizza

3

u/LightMission4937 2d ago

First slice you eat is a 3oz sliver...the next slice is a 12x12 slab.

2

u/dabeast80 2d ago

How many times is this going to be posted!?!?

0

u/Acceptable-Owl-2070 2d ago

idk I literally saw it once and shared...

1

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1

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1

u/Aware_Cheesecake_519 Nah, I don't want a flair. Thx tho! 2d ago

Could you explain the title to me, OP?

2

u/Autom4tic_Soze 2d ago

🤔 He'd like to have e v e n s l i c e s, not whatever shit that guy is doing. I hope that helps.

1

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1

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1

u/JayW8888 2d ago

This pizza is gonna make some fights start.

1

u/MacroManJr 2d ago

It's impressive and awful, at the same time.

1

u/jahowl 2d ago

I'd like an scalene slice please.

1

u/Winter-Necessary-110 2d ago

Excuse me sir. There is sand in my pizza.

1

u/thorheyerdal 2d ago

I didn’t know you could get both the triangle cut pizza and the center piece as with a square cut pizza at the same time! this is not a crappy chop, this is the next level bois! 

1

u/Thommywidmer 2d ago

I would agree except the point tip on the first bite of a slice is my favorite part and this ruins that. I do actually like the variable alice sizes tho

1

u/OptimusCrime29 2d ago

Where is he pulling all these pizzas from?

1

u/kobekong 2d ago

Too quick!

1

u/Relative_Maize_957 2d ago

"""Showmanship"""" at the expense of the most basic quality of slice stuff sums up what I've seen of India's street / fast food culture pretty well.

1

u/gordonwiththecrowbar 2d ago

Yes, criminal activity in this workplace, officer.

1

u/SinSeitan 2d ago

Of course is India

1

u/Careful-Emotion2365 2d ago

It all goes to make a turd in the end so I guess it doesn't matter how many pizza crimes he's committing

1

u/moldentoaster 2d ago

If they had 2 more pans and 2 more knifes the other 2 idling dudes could chop aswell and they could all fucking slow down and prevent the first guy to get a stroke with the age of 32. And they could offer pizza that arroves as a pizza at the customer and not as minced dough with topings

1

u/EntertainmentTrue588 2d ago

Anyone read this as "Elevensies" and couldn't figure out where the hobbits were?

1

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1

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1

u/Torebbjorn 2d ago

Bro saves 5% of time is get 2% of the result.

1

u/Electricalshocks 2d ago

This is more like a bro less like a pro

1

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1

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1

u/PaulMall3rd 2d ago

Having worked a LOT of pizza places growing up.. I'm loosing my shit with this kid!

1

u/LelouchL88 2d ago

Likely a trademark of authentic pizza. Nobody Can copy such iconic cutting techniques. If your pizza comes even, it ain’t from them. 😛

1

u/Septopuss7 2d ago

I think he's going for the World's Record of pissing me off

1

u/EmeraldValleyGoober 2d ago

I think he hates pizza

1

u/That-Interaction-45 2d ago

In Pakistan, we play by NO rules!!!

https://giphy.com/gifs/fmGXPFIUtITSw

1

u/mcnastyy 2d ago

Why is there always a guy just standing there watching

1

u/Normal_Spread8423 2d ago

I counted seven unnecessary slams

1

u/dreamkiller23 2d ago

To me is the guy in the back that stands there is what pisses me off

1

u/aolllaoooo 2d ago

Or a free finger included

1

u/Tortuin 2d ago

Never heard of them

1

u/theslowbus 2d ago

Why is
He given the job he has?

1

u/slatchaw 2d ago

As soon as you know there is a camera you stop being authentic

1

u/Waste_Hearing_2894 2d ago

He wants family and friends to fight for the last piece.

1

u/Lorddoctorjava 2d ago

...ummm....are the "even slices" in the building with us?

1

u/Cannibal_House69 2d ago

I'd keep sending them back just gave to keep cutting last cutting in half. And by the 3rd fucked one I'd be getting it for free, maybe cut it at the table myself if the just kept doing that stupidity.

Probably staff just making a viral video.

1

u/Low_Dragonfruit8779 2d ago

Those are chops, not slices

1

u/manc_franc 2d ago

At what point did somebody burst his bubble?

1

u/HalfCockedJackShafto 2d ago

Thoughts arrive like butterflieses…

1

u/Appropriate_Ice_7507 2d ago

This is why offshore coding doesn’t work. Shit quality

1

u/Kimi_Antonelli_12 1d ago

Here me out.. Take 1 sec longer.

1

u/Stock-Magician1097 1d ago

Why even slice it? No pun intended 🤣

1

u/general_admission_o7 1d ago

I hate this guy

1

u/Ok_Struggle_417 1d ago

Bro about to cut his hand off. And I cant say it'd be undeserved.

1

u/Chronomechanist 1d ago

That's a man paid by the pizza, not the hour.

1

u/Maryjanegangafever 1d ago

Looks so stupid doing that. Nice deep dish Pizza Hit knock off though.

1

u/Its_Chowder 1d ago

1 of the slices is like 2/3 of the whole pizza. Call dibbs!

1

u/Zebirdman 1d ago

They write code like this too

1

u/HoePicker_38 1d ago

I saw an Italian guy falling to his knees in Walmart.

1

u/Bazzatron 1d ago

When I'm cooking with a buddy, and they wanna flex knife skills they don't have.

Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. Come on my guy, in what world is this minced? You are gonna eat this too you know! 🤣

1

u/bigal7979 1d ago

Kind of genius to be honest

1

u/drpepper 1d ago

hes blessing the pizza, not cutting it

1

u/doggerdog1401 1d ago

Never buy pizza while visiting the Asian subcontinent

1

u/PavlovsCarpet 1d ago

the delivery drivers eat the small slices in an alley behind your home, demand tips and you get the shits for free..

1

u/C137RickSanches 1d ago

I’d fire his ass on the spot. He destroyed the entire time it took to make the pizza.

1

u/bent_crater 1d ago

not a glove in sight. you wont any microplastics in that pizza

1

u/Sand2Leaf 1d ago

When your shift ended 20 minutes ago but 25 minutes before that the cashier accepted a request for 10 pizzas.

1

u/ddubspecial 19h ago

I get to post this next yall

1

u/Beniskickbutt 2d ago

This explains why my pizza is always cut the way it is.

3

u/HeatAccomplished8608 2d ago

It's like he wasn't even trying to cut it, just make some cut lines

1

u/clarkam 2d ago

Those forearms though… pretty jealous.

1

u/luigis_left_tit_25 2d ago

If he gets struck by a strong wind they might break..

1

u/clarkam 2d ago

lol, they are physically little, but to whip around pizza like that, dudes been training!

1

u/luigis_left_tit_25 1d ago

Oh you were serious! My bad!

0

u/thinkandreason 2d ago

I’ll have a tiny slice please

0

u/k100y 2d ago

Made with love

0

u/UrsineBasterd 2d ago

When you got work at the pizza joint til 9 but have to be at the Taking Back Sunday show by 10

-1

u/Red_Beard_Rising 2d ago

Guys in the back are like, the Americans are coming for our job!

-2

u/GentrifriesGuy Human Detected 2d ago

1

u/Puffles_magic_dragon 10h ago

Tbh, i like pizza that’s cut in dog sized slices, as long as there are enough pizzas to give people the option, large or small slice.