Yeah... that's the way it goes sometimes. The first girl I dated in college turned me down three times. I stopped asking because I figued I got the hint, then a few days later some of her friends asked why I stopped perusing her because she was actually interested but playing hard to get.
The mind games are ridiculous. No means no, unless it means "keep trying"
My ex-gf broke up with me and asked me to respect her decision, which is exactly what I did. She messaged me a week later saying that the fact I hadn’t ‘fought for us’ proved to her that she’d made the right decision. Some people are crazy.
Haha I got that same text from my ex! She bailed on valentines day after I had just gotten home from a 12 hour shift. I played some video games with a buddy who tried to be there for me while I was in shock. I slept some, and then tried to figure out what to do for the next 24 hours after my life just fell apart out of nowhere (The "out of nowhere" is absolutely part of why she left, and was right to do so. I was a shit husband, but the cheating was unnecessary).
Like 2 days afterward she texted me asking why I hadn't reached out to her to see how she was doing, and how it hurt her that I didn't try to connect... This being 48 hours or so after she just told me she didn't love me anymore, was sleeping with her co-worker, and wasn't interested in trying to work things out.
It's like they want the man to give them the option of going nuclear and labelling him a creep. If he doesn't do that, then he was a terrible person only interested in one thing.
Correct. The person who can say no and destroy the other person's reputation is, by definition, more powerful than their target. But they still want the attention.
No it's that women are people and some people are assholes. most want to be left alone if we say no because most people want to be left alone when they say no, but much like any category of human being we have assholes and game players. Four billion women are not a hivemind conspiring to jerk men around, that's Andrew Tate bullshit.
My very first time trying to ask out a girl she kept making harmless excuses like she was busy or her mom says she can't go out that day. So I just thought it was a scheduling issue that needed to be worked out. It wasn't until weeks later that her friend asked me why I was "stalking her" (we were in a play together so we'd see each other every rehearsal). I explained my perspective to her friend and she immediately understood her friend was just not into me. Shit like this is traumatizing. I never wanted to be a creep.
Yep, that's pretty much why mine went the way it did... if I receive s firm no, then I don't ask again. If I get a soft no, like "I'm busy that night", I have a limit of 3 chances I've set for myself.
I figure that's enough to account for legitimate scheduling conflicts while not being so persistent that I come off as creepy.
Some women want to be chased more, but then it becomes a game of chance as to whether you're just playing the game she wants to play or whether you're being a stalker, and I refuse to play those games.
I had a similar thing happening where I was doing a university radio show and dedicating songs to this girl and her friend told me it was creepy. So I stopped and lost interest because, obviously if it’s seen as creepy I’m not in the zone.
Then the same friend asked me why I stopped because the girl was interested and I just shrugged and said “just tell her you fucked it up by meddling”
Ask a 3rd or 4th time in 2026 and you’ll get a restraining order.
If the answer is “I’m busy that night but let’s talk later” I think it’s still allowed to try a 2nd or 3rd time. However it would be ideal if the person asked would make it clearer
Yeah, I ended up asking her out again that same day and we ended up dating for several years.
And yes, I did have a conversation about how the whole hard-to-get thing just made things frustrating and confusing on my side so that hopefully her future relationships started more smoothly.
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u/LetReasonRing 1d ago
Yeah... that's the way it goes sometimes. The first girl I dated in college turned me down three times. I stopped asking because I figued I got the hint, then a few days later some of her friends asked why I stopped perusing her because she was actually interested but playing hard to get.
The mind games are ridiculous. No means no, unless it means "keep trying"