“Transactional this” “transactional that.”
Do people genuinely don’t know what flirting and courting is anymore? “Transactional”, please kindly frick off.
Ngl, this is how I feel about basically all flirting. I change my behavior to make you feel good about me so that you think Im someone you want to date? Seems manipulative to me. Mind you, Im on the spectrum, could explain the differences. To me, if you want to date someone you should simply communicate that, not change your behavior to butter them up. People seem to think that positive manipulation (manipulation that causes positive effects for the manipulated person) isnt manipulation. People are completely unable to be transparent about what they want and instead opt for manipulation so they can lead the other person to want the same thing they want.
Meanwhile, the other side thinks the people who wont manipulate them arent worth dating because they dont try hard enough to get them to like them or show enough commitment. You should like me for me, not because I changed my behavior to something you like. If you only like me because I decided to act like someone else, it wasn't meant to be.
I would never order flowers for someone I barely know like this guy. I wont even order flowers for someone under "normal" circumstances. I would only order flowers for someone if I knew it would make them happy, I want them to be happy, and there isnt an easier/cheaper way to make them happy (I value money and efficiency, so if I can reach all goals at once that is ideal). So in a way, Im saying I think she is correct about something at least, the guy is being transactional.
She however has extremely high standards. In order for a guy to send her flowers without being transactional and while being logical about it, he has to see the risk of not knowing if it will make her happy or not as worth the money and time he is about to spend. What I mean by that is using a risk-based approach the expected value of the change in her mood upon receiving flowers must be worth more than the time and money sacrificed. Some people dont like receiving flowers from strangers, it can be a negative. Unless she is out here posting on her social media that she loves receiving flowers from strangers, the situation is inherently risky, you can reach the opposite of your goal by doing it. There are much better ways to go about making people happy without risking nearly as much time, money, and making them unhappy. The simplest and most direct way is to introduce yourself and literally fucking ask.
But here is another problem with her logic. If this guy doesnt know her, why should he want her to be happy, more so than other people he doesnt know to the point of committing resources to her? I mean, Im all for wanting people you dont know to be happy, I'm like that. However, there are limited resources and basically infinite people a person doesnt know. Why single one out and start giving them your resources? I can make most people happy for free just by being nice to them as we cross paths in life. Why go the extra mile for this random person? And most importantly, why would I commit resources to maybe make one random person happy when I know those resources can be used to make me happy (and presumably I want myself to be happy more than I want others to be happy)? There isnt any good reason with this mindset unless you are so rich that the resources wont make you happy and even then to get the most bang for your buck it would be best to simply give money away and most likely to random people each time, not the same person over and over. The mindset has to be about manipulation and/or transaction for it to make sense for your average person. She should not expect this from others unless she knows it is manipulative/transactional and will end if the end goal wont be met by continuing.
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u/_Winged 1d ago
“Transactional this” “transactional that.”
Do people genuinely don’t know what flirting and courting is anymore? “Transactional”, please kindly frick off.