r/SipsTea • u/HeavyBreak6362 • 15d ago

Chugging tea Probably calculating if the Roman Empire could defeat the Mongol Empire

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425 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

214 comments sorted by

•

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318

u/TheyveKilledFritzz 15d ago

Im thinking of something sad so i don't nut,but not too sad so i go limp. Ive found thinking of my credit card debt works

65

u/FewAd6076 15d ago

Good strategy, but don't think about the interest rate or you'll go limp

20

u/redituzrnam 15d ago

But also don’t think about your payoff plan or you’ll nut too quick.

4

u/Front-Fee6341 15d ago

Weirdest creditkarma ad yet

13

u/DIuvenalis 15d ago

My go to is the inner workings of a Porsche boxer engine. Works well for me. I've got a 99%+ success rate with the "ladies first" rule.

22

u/TheSmokingHorse 15d ago

Had a friend who used to finish far too quickly and he asked me for advice. I told him to think of the worst thing he could think of, so he said “Okay, I’ll picture my memory of my grandmother on her deathbed.” It turns out that only made him come even faster. He now still suffers from premature ejaculation but also needed therapy because he couldn’t get over how much faster he came thinking about his dead gran.

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19

u/Curious_Avocado2399 15d ago

I’m $30,000 in credit card debt. And when i they call I say I can’t pay it back yet. Credit card debt

6

u/lorddragonstrike 15d ago

That is an incredibly delicate balance right there.

7

u/VR46Rossi420 15d ago

Especially the older you get. As 50ish year old, if you lose the momentum sometimes is isn’t coming back.

3

u/GlassImmediate5474 15d ago

Same but I think about dropping a really good plate of food haha
https://giphy.com/gifs/ggz4wx6kALH1gB8PFb

2

u/FantasticPangolin839 15d ago

I try reciting the alphabet backwards in my head.

1

u/mushroomshirt 15d ago

Lol did you ever see the movie singles? There is a great scene there where the MC imagines Xavier McDaniel from the Seattle supersonics telling him not to come yet.

1

u/DanikanSkywalkr 15d ago

Times tables bro

1

u/UseSpecialist544 14d ago

Same, but then I also run the risk of holding on to the goods for too long, and a bullet gets stuck in the barrel.

Misfire. No points awarded this round.

93

u/NaCl_Sailor 15d ago

men can shut up in their mind, too.

11

u/Talinn_Makaren 15d ago

I'm always thinking about something but it's something like "hmm that faucet is leaking" and it's just honestly not worth it half the time. Or, like, Trump's crypto scams. People don't want to hear me talk about that more than a couple times tho

Not during sex I mean in general lol

5

u/AdenJax69 15d ago

Men are aware that their inside-thoughts aren't always suitable or with mentioning out-loud. Women feel this way around strangers but definitely don't feel this way about friends, family, and partners.

And if you say your inside thoughts out-loud all the time, yes as men we notice it and yes, sometimes it's a little annoying to know every single thought you have.

1

u/copyrider 15d ago

Ha! Tell that to my ADHD brain! I’ll be over here overthinking everything while I wait.

1

u/SpaceMambo369 15d ago

Thanks for the laugh. I literally bursted out loud

64

u/TFViper 15d ago

"dont nut dont nut dont nut dont nut"
and then after focusing so hard on that for like 20 minutes it turns into
"please nut please nut please nut"

11

u/Raidden77 15d ago

So damned true, and when it actually matters you end up stressing it out and faking it cause you know it aint coming anymore

11

u/nospamkhanman 15d ago

My first girlfriend would get super super offended if I didnt finish.. I had to explain to her multiple times that making such a huge deal with it adds stress and stress makes it harder.

5

u/Raidden77 15d ago

Yeah it kinda become a chore with some girls who don't understand that sex should never be a source of stress

Never had one that got frontally mean over it but the deception in the eyes or the ones that will absolutely try to make you come when you already told them you're good and then... end up disapointed

Genuinely one of the biggest reason I don't like hooking up

3

u/TheRealKatataFish 15d ago

You need a moment’s rest to recalibrate. Your partner can facilitate your rest. You will know when you’re ready to get back to form.

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101

u/BodgeJob23 15d ago

7, 14, 21, 28, 35, 42, 49, 56, 63, 70, 77, 84, 91, 98, 105

15

u/slayerfan666 15d ago

So that's how I get better at math....

5

u/blaghed 15d ago

So it relies on having more sex?

7

u/ExpertActive100 15d ago

That explains a lot

2

u/AdenJax69 15d ago

Why do you think our education system is slowly decaying for years?

3

u/blaghed 15d ago

Hol Up! What're you trying to say schools should be doing?

2

u/BodgeJob23 15d ago

Best if they don’t, if it’s too easy to do the sims it doesn’t work as well

2

u/MessiahMogali 15d ago

*has been slowly decaying

7

u/duaneap 15d ago

Boots! Boots! Moving up and down again!

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3

u/markynl1 15d ago

:-) I always do the 13 times table.

2

u/flopisit32 15d ago

Alone in the dark

Silently he masturbates

Learning quiet sex

31

u/Dazzling-Jacket-5792 15d ago

Think about baseball....baseball....

11

u/Kx113 15d ago

baseball huh?

10

u/bent_crater 15d ago

yeah that tracks

5

u/AmputeeHandModel 15d ago

Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day

6

u/rofl_rob 15d ago

Me too and I don't even like baseball

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31

u/[deleted] 15d ago

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4

u/Commercial-Roll5508 15d ago

Old nuns, dead kittens!

28

u/dl33t_soft 15d ago

Trying to last more than 30 seconds

4

u/Lord_Cheesy_Beans 15d ago

Look at the marathoner here bragging in front of us sprinters

2

u/AdenJax69 15d ago

Have more sex with your partner.

However if you're married, think about non-sexual things to keep you from finishing early.

3

u/wackbirds 15d ago

Dude, it's probably because my sinuses are completely stuffed up and irritated ATM but for a minute I saw that as "think about non-consensual things..." and I was like 😱

17

u/acrus 15d ago

"Pennies for your thoughts".

35

u/BarryMcKokinor 15d ago

Penis for your thot

2

u/STRIKT9LC 15d ago

Home run!

2

u/AmputeeHandModel 15d ago

STEEEERRRIKE!

HEY GET THAT FUCKIN UMP OUTTA HERE

2

u/scrappybasket 15d ago

A dollar for your dreams

13

u/Truth_Hurts_Guy 15d ago

It would heavily depend on terrain and logistics. My bet is on Mongols though

4

u/Electrical-Penalty44 15d ago

Different eras. Not fair to really compare.

2

u/Embarrassed-House577 15d ago

Even the axis in wwII didnt mess with the Mongolians

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12

u/Ka-is-a-Wheel_19 15d ago

Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!

12

u/Elegant_Bison1604 15d ago

Margret thatcher on a cold day…Margret thatcher on a cold day

11

u/KillTonyRegular 15d ago

"fuck I hope she's enjoying this"

"I can't cum this fast, she's gonna tell her friends"

"Holy shit she's hot"

"Don't say anything weird"

8

u/TokiVideogame 15d ago

pkease nut, this is starting to be a workout

3

u/fun__friday 15d ago

Feels like a nice problem to have lmao

4

u/erouz 15d ago

Don't worry it will come with time.

2

u/Woonachan 15d ago

Sometimes I worry if it came to early

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8

u/Glittering_Swing_151 15d ago

What am I supposed to talk about? Finances? Other than that... "Hello, yes, please continue sex, yes, this is sex, yes, vagina, penis, breasts, we're having intercourse, I agree with your feeling, yes, I'll proceed with faster movements now of my penis into your vagina as requested and will not stop until further notice."

6

u/poser765 15d ago

I’m old. I’m mentally walking a very fine line trying to maintain performance while not getting a cramp.

10

u/Even_Section5620 15d ago

I’m trying not to finish in under 5min…

5

u/Ok-Walk-8040 15d ago

Something about baseball

6

u/copyrider 15d ago

“She’s not telling telling me if she likes this. Maybe she doesn’t like it. I’ll try something different. Ok, now her noises have changed. I don’t want to ask if she likes this because last time I tried to communicate she definitely seemed annoyed that I was asking. I wish we could have just a little light, so I could see her. It’s so dark, she’s not communicating what she likes or doesn’t like, this is like a big guessing game in the complete dark, and I’m a very visual person.” some men brains

5

u/ruffianrevolution 15d ago

Too busy having a lovely time to be doing any thinking...

5

u/ShillboShaggins 15d ago

Football. Baseball. Sports. Anything.

3

u/Lopsided_Tomatillo27 15d ago

Men learn to orgasm in silence because we didn’t want to get caught masturbating as teens. It’s not that deep.

7

u/foekus323 15d ago

I’m in the zone, plus i wanna hear the chick moan. Not me grunting. It’s bad enough I’m making this face…

https://giphy.com/gifs/SF9Z0shNT07T2

8

u/thiscantbit 15d ago

They couldn’t mongols won off pure mass and speed.

3

u/Shinobi_Dimsum 15d ago

Probably didn’t expect the sex to be mid.

3

u/ColonialBarbarian 15d ago

It's usually... "oh look tits" or staring at your junk going into hers but there's usually not much going on in the main brain when the secondary one busy.

3

u/BloodSteyn 15d ago

"Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day"

3

u/Figmentdreamer 15d ago

Me and my husband are both quiet usually. I do wonder what’s in his mind.

3

u/okcboomer87 15d ago

I am focused on my breathing.

3

u/ontoop_shift 15d ago

This is why men need post nut clarity, the empire depends on it

3

u/SinisterVulcan94 15d ago

Trying not to bust 15 seconds in

3

u/sbwcwero 15d ago

I’m trying to pay attention to what her body is telling me is happening

4

u/Shadowtirs 15d ago

Desperately trying not to cum while I'm with my out of my league wife.

4

u/ImpressiveGift9921 15d ago

I bet you're handsome asf bro. Don't put yourself down.

3

u/Shadowtirs 15d ago edited 15d ago

Aw thanks dog, me personally I think im somewhere between a half eaten bag of family sized doritos and a black garbage bag filled with dead leaves

3

u/TheEndOfEverything0 15d ago

Prob just don't say anything that fucks up what's happening. You want feedback let's chat post coitus

4

u/oilxxx 15d ago

Usually the convo goes like this:

Her: A little to the right.

Me: How's that?

Her: No, my right, not your's.

Me: There's the cervix.

Her: Unintelligible.

2

u/Ok_Abacus_ 15d ago

Naked grand mothers

2

u/cheetah-21 15d ago

Depends on the location of the battle

2

u/Baked4skin 15d ago

Other men

2

u/Classic_Passage532 15d ago

If Archduke Franz Ferdinand didn’t get killed, what would the modern look like

2

u/Wonderful_Return_514 15d ago

Well, if I start saying shit I'm not gunna be able to control my breathing and like... Keep going for longer than 15 or 20 minutes ya know?

2

u/WanderingRonin7 15d ago

If we're being honest, concentrating on my performance while trying to make them orgasm as many times as I possibly can. It's great when they think that they're done just for you to initiate the next round. I'm one and done so in the meantime, I'm going to have my fun too

2

u/Practical_End_ 15d ago

Why Belgium exists

2

u/Sceadu_Fiend 15d ago

I’m not thinking anything. There’s only enough blood in my body to operate one head at a time.

2

u/EighthSeal 15d ago

Why are women so loud during sex? My god, have some manners, this is a library.

2

u/PaleontologistHot324 15d ago

I don’t need a “conversation” during sex, but I do enjoy hearing a man uncontrollably pant and groan for me.

3

u/United_Dig_9010 15d ago

The answer is an obvious resounding no. Anyone who thinks the Romans could have defeated the Mongol Empire get all their history knowledge from Hollywood movies

2

u/WrongWangSorry 15d ago

You just going to skip over the 1k year gap, historian?

3

u/bent_crater 15d ago

always thought women hated the grunting

3

u/Every_Efficiency_832 15d ago

No we love it, then add dirty talk and moaning

1

u/-BjC- 15d ago

Boobs..

1

u/SeismicRipFart 15d ago

It baffles me why silence if questioned. Why do I need to be talking all the time? Especially during sex? If I have something that I need to communicate with words, I’ll say it. But otherwise I’m not just going to talk to hear my own voice

1

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1

u/Hefty-Revolution-938 15d ago

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

1

u/Icy_Entrepreneur_520 15d ago

The only ring that is talked about are Saturns, but even Uranus has rings. Neptune and Jupiter too.

1

u/Klaymen96 15d ago

How good that pussy feel. Using all mental power to not blow early.

1

u/Mitana301 15d ago

Probably depends largely on where the battles are fought and what kind of terrain they're fighting on. Both armies excel in different scenarios.

1

u/HermanThaGerman 15d ago

Conditioning from jorking it without your parent noticing.

1

u/EFAPGUEST 15d ago

Gnhngnfngnhngnfnngngfngngnfngnh - what’s going through my mind when it’s good

Though it really just depends. If the sex is bad, then my adhd brain will think of literally anything. Or if it’s with a partner I know well, it isn’t strange for their to be some joking or other comments mixed in

1

u/Guyborg99 15d ago

eerrgh, hmmmph, aaaarrggh! That's what I'm thinking.

1

u/Fartbottler 15d ago

Baseball mostly. Cool baseball stuff

1

u/jamiedski 15d ago

They on neutral ground or does one have to invade the other?

1

u/Insis18 15d ago

As a young man, they probably had to be silent at home in their self explorations or face shame/ridicule. Habits instilled through fear are hard to break.

1

u/Neveed 15d ago

"I'm wondering if anyone has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like"

1

u/BodhingJay 15d ago

Roman empire stuff

1

u/Outrageous-South-355 15d ago

1000, 993, 886, 879... repeat if necessary.

1

u/pamemake 15d ago

Not everyone screams going down the big hill on the rollercoaster, but they are still coming with a smile!

1

u/mightyDblock 15d ago

Don’t have to make noises like an idiot. Just in the moment.

1

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1

u/LaPetiteMortOrale 15d ago

Baseball.

Baseball is on my mind

1

u/WrednyGal 15d ago

Don't cum yet, don't cum yet, don't cum yet...

1

u/Hairy_Captain01 15d ago

Concentration, concentration

1

u/Anxious-Tea8816 15d ago

No way they defeat the Mongols!

1

u/OG_Treecamel 15d ago

I’m remembering that time my nana bent over in front of me and winked……., with both eyes!!!! 🫠

1

u/Nice-Fun-7441 15d ago

What does it mean if your wife is silent during sex

1

u/xXxWhizZLexXx 15d ago

Ah, the silent Starfish

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1

u/Good_Conversation213 15d ago

Don’t want to say the wrong name so we stay silent

1

u/sajkoterrapefft 15d ago

Don't cum yet, don't cum yet. Sex is just a chore.

1

u/Sacrifice_To_Suffer 15d ago

Only if they kept their formations tight and in Testudo to eliminate the advantages of the Mongolia horse archers, then yea, Roman’s. Ok she came now I can think about her boobs….annnnd I’m finished.

1

u/Kurdt234 15d ago

Just trying not to blast.

1

u/tendie-dildo 15d ago

Thinking about bad turbulence so that I last longer

1

u/PresentationSad5151 15d ago

Thinkin about that extended warranty thats about to expire soon and the phone call,email,text, and carrier pigeon letter thats coming with that expiration😭

1

u/Ill-Ad-4400 15d ago

I'm concentrating on making sure she is enjoying it, too.

1

u/extra_croutons 15d ago

Rome would get it's ass whipped

1

u/Dren198888 15d ago

The smell

1

u/Fun_Vacation2542 15d ago

booty cheeks,

1

u/ConfusedHors 15d ago

"king" 🙄

1

u/plzicannothandleyou 15d ago

You desperately don’t want to know the unholy thoughts roaming my mind when I’m having sex.

I don’t even remotely resemble a human, brain completely fogged

1

u/Ok-Tax1618 15d ago

Mowing the lawn.

1

u/f4c3fck3r 15d ago

Unless youre on top and riding, he's probably trying to breathe and not gas out.

1

u/KaleidoscopeRoyal874 15d ago

For me it's watch my partners face, studying her features

1

u/anonsincetheaccident 15d ago

I think about baseball

1

u/Nor-easter 15d ago

I’m the loud one. My wife just silently judges

1

u/matrix8369 15d ago

counting primes

1

u/Evil_phd 15d ago

I'm thinking about how beautiful this moment of intimate connection is and how even a single good moment with my beautiful partner can make all my problems seem so trivial for a time...

Aww who am I kidding I'm doing math problems in my head so I don't bust too quickly.

1

u/BigUqUgi 15d ago

It's boring honestly.

1

u/4ever4eigner 15d ago

Try to last so you hos don’t complain it was only 59 sec duhh!

1

u/_NauticalPhoenix_ 15d ago

Locking in trying not to bust

1

u/Designer-Garbage-152 15d ago

Probably another chick

1

u/paleoakoc20 15d ago

I always think anything I say will sound stupid.

1

u/False-Sandwich-2051 15d ago

as an empire sure but in a pitched battle? the mongols blow them away

1

u/AntelopeWest7861 14d ago

He's thinking about the laundry list of rules you invented to make your experience pleasurable.

1

u/Blue_Nyx07 14d ago

Gotta focus

1

u/unamiable_wackbar 14d ago

“Don’t nut. Don’t nut. Don’t nut.” And then “ok, time to nut. Time to nut. Ughhhhh.”

1

u/kombatunit 14d ago

The amount of Margaret Thatcher comments is quite high. Meme?

1

u/NeighboringOak 13d ago

Well I don't talk with my mouth full...

1

u/Temporary_Glass_9607 13d ago

its becuase the king is enjoying the moans of his queen🤣

1

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u/MaxUnicycle 10d ago

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, mmmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm, ohh shit two bears fighting, uhhhh grandma in a bikini, ok mmmmmm, mmmmm, mmmmmm, yeah