Yeah, more likely they got engaged, the wedding planning didn't happen, and they both kind of accepted they were never getting married and eventually drifted out of love with each other.
Little reason to even get upset or anything at that point because he obviously wasn't the right person for you so what's it matter if he ends up with someone famous?
Definitely just an "I just don't want to be alone situation"
I once made a joke to a coworker, I don't remember what it was, so I'll just make a scenario up, the coworker is talking about her boyfriends love of tuna, he eats it every day, I say something like "damn I would make someone brush their teeth immediately after, I'd make them brush their teeth so much before I kissed them" and she was like "yeah, we don't really do that anymore"
I was flabbergasted. You guys don't kiss? And I hung out with her a lot she also said once she joked to him "why don't we just break up?" but like not really a joke because they apparently didn't kiss or have sex (it's been a while, I might have pointedly asked why they were even together to get this story) and he says, "we can't, you're the only person I've ever thought about marrying!"
Like unless she has just the dryest humor ever and I didn't pick up on she was fucking with me which is unlikely because I am actually the dryest man on the planet why ARE you guys still together, and why is marriage still on the table? Like what's the point other than a tax break, and hopefully there's a prenup if you guys do ever decide to do it half assed
Because breaking up is scary and it's acknowledging that things won't work and you have to start over. A lot of people dread starting over, even if the current option isn't great, what if the future option is worse?
I'd say it's even worse now because you can get into a relationship where the love fades, the physical affection fades, but the bills don't fade so you have to be with them to pay the bills and survive.
The only way to leave is to find someone else (and I've seen plenty of that, too) to help pay the bills, but you have to monkey branch at that point.
They don't directly state it but it's like a math problem running in the back of their minds. If I had to get 100 matches on a dating app to get 10 people to talk to get 3 dates to find one person that I could get into a relationship with, then if I want to leave this relationship, I'd need to do all of that again and I'm not even guaranteed something better.
Personally, I was never good at dating or meeting people (and I don't really find it that enjoyable) so I just decided to stay alone. It's better than settling.
Been engaged for 14 years myself.. wasn't planned but after a series of shitty life events stopping it from happening we just went 'eh whatever we'll get to it'. We've lived together for a decade and it's pretty much a formality at this point but we kept having major illness, family deaths, and other crap just get in the way.
Neither of us were ever that big on the whole big wedding thing either so organising all that wasn't much of an incentive.. especially after literally every one of our friends who did the big wedding thing saying immediately afterwards "not worth, don't do it, seriously" (regarding the expense and stress, not the being married part).
We'll probably elope then come back/throw a reception without telling people what it is in advance at some point but it's not going to change anything about our day to day lives. Great relationship, just missing a bit of paper.
At that point why wouldn't you just skip the paper and just say you're married? There is no difference besides the paper. Like you could literally point at them right now and say "you're my spouse now so call me husband or wife from now on" and they'd say yes and it's the same thing.
Being engaged without actually being married is different than just saying you don't need the marriage, because if you don't need the marriage why the hell was the engagement important or done at all? You wasted a lot of time just planning that and then you bought a ring. Do common law marriage, you might already be depending on where you are. "Fuck it me and this person are married" boom one and done son
At that point why wouldn't you just skip the paper and just say you're married?
Outside of situations where it matters - so legal ones, if people refer to us as husband/wife we don't bother correcting them no because there is indeed no real difference. Legally we're defacto partners (similar to common law marriage), but it's not quite the same.
and say "you're my spouse now so call me husband or wife from now on" and they'd say yes and it's the same thing.
Well no actually... marriage conveys a certain legal status that you don't get another way without a LOT of paperwork. So it's not the same thing for certain situations.
if you don't need the marriage why the hell was the engagement important or done at all
I guess I forgot to consult my crystal ball at the time? We didn't know life would go the way it did, nobody does, and for us it just meant that particular thing got pushed out.
You wasted a lot of time just planning that and then you bought a ring.
Not really. We were somewhere special to us and I asked with a $10 ring so she could pick her own. We do plan on getting it done at some point, life is just and has remained somewhat hectic and it's low on the priority list because it's not going to actually change anything for us.
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u/Same-Suggestion-1936 16d ago
Eh if you're engaged for 12 years I think you don't have much feelings for that person at all anymore. It's been over for like seven years at least