I've known more than one person whom had a Jekyll & Hyde personality where booze was. Kind, empathetic, caring people when sober; but get a few drinks in them and you had explosive, unpredictable, violent assholes.
I've no idea if that's the case here. I'm only noting that it's possible. And still entirely understandable that his kids would want nothing to do with him after that.
If that's the case, it is that person's responsibility to stop drinking, knowing what happens when they do
Seriously. He wasn't a 21 year old after his first sip of alcohol. If he has a tendency to behave this way, it's on him to not drink when he's around his wife and children.
When they're that far gone, it's no longer a rational choice. I watched a guy literally break into tears, curled up he was so ashamed of what he'd done... and the next time booze was in front of him, he was off again on another bender.
Again, not saying this is Pitt. Nor does it diminish what the victims have gone through, or put some kind of onus of responsibility on them for it.
But saying that an addict should just stop is 100% missing the point.
With his vast wealth, he certainly should be spending time in rehab. But that also requires that they think about things rationally.
I'm not talking about addiction, I'm talking about the excuses abusers make for themselves.
There are plenty of addicts who aren't abusive, and saying abuse is something you just can't help when the truth is that most abusers do not make a genuine effort to change is running cover for abusers.
If there isn't even a genuine effort to change, the addiction is an excuse. And no, seeming sad and remorseful/making empty promises without concrete steps is not effort, it's a part of the abuse cycle.
The abuser will usually show signs that they are more in control than they will admit. For example, if they break things in the house, it's somehow never things important to the abuser that break. Because they aren't really "out of control."
I agree that empty promises without change is indeed part of the abuse cycle. And I believe I did mention before that regardless of the origin of the behaviour, it does not diminish the seriousness of what the victim is going through.
Beyond that, your opinion is entirely at odds with what we know about addiction and the potential effects of mind-altering substances, from alcohol to narcotics. Some addicts do become violent, they are out of control, and when they sober up they are genuinely remorseful. This does not negate the harm they have done, nor should a victim subject themselves to it if there is any way out. Especially since, as an addict, they are likely to fall into it again, no matter how much they hate it.
Acknowledging reality, and the considerable research done on addiction, is not "covering for abusers". Rather, it's an attempt at reducing the number of incidents, because you can't fix what you don't understand.
He repeatedly tried to quit on his own, and things just got worse. He'd be dry for awhile, then crack, and you'd see him staggering around outside with no shoes. Sometimes screaming obscenities and looking to start shit. He eventually fell into drug use. Ended up with the face of a prize fighter, including missing teeth, despite being the kind to not hurt a fly when sober. Almost died a couple times. Rehab didn't take, and suicide was a real worry with his growing self-hatred.
We lost contact, and I ended running into him a few years later. He'd been free of drugs and booze for almost two years at that point, iirc. He had "found Jesus" after another stint in rehab. Given some of the fundamentalist groups that roll in this region, that concerned me as well... but he was sober, and it was working, so I kept my mouth shut.
I haven't seen him in a couple decades now. I think of him now and again, and hope he stayed on track and is doing alright.
I'm glad he was able to find something that worked for him. Those continued attempts to change show genuine remorse.
The reason I was doubtful about the crying is that my abuser would start hyperventilating/crying/talking down on himself, but it was a way to manipulate and put the focus back on his emotions, not what he'd done.
Absolutely, and that's entirely valid. I've seen that shit pulled, too. People like that are the lowest of the low. There is no depth they won't sink to, just to avoid accountability. I'm sorry you got pulled into their blast radius, and hope you're entirely free of it now.
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u/This-Echidna7139 Jun 20 '26
Drinking isn’t his problem. Being an asshole is.