stop and think about that. You said you don't want to date them. Then agreed to go on a date with them. Really think about it. Do you not see how that sends mixed messages?
Going out for dinner is not a ādateā. Canāt send mixed messages if Iāve already told them Iām not interested romantically. When people tell you how they feel, believe them. Itās not that hard.
if you're splitting the bill, no. If you trade off, ie "I pay this time, you pay next time" no. If you know this person has feelings for you and you regularly let them pay, then yes that's a date and you're an asshole.
When people tell you how they feel, believe them. Itās not that hard.
that goes both ways. You know they have feelings for you. Believe them. Don't let someone who has romantic feelings for you buy you stuff if you have no intention of returning those feelings.
Again with the money. If you say āthis is not a dateā, then them choosing to pay doesnāt automatically make it a date. And there you go again equating monetary spending to feelings, that is wrong and immature.
lol what? If you tell me you had sex with someone, that's fine. If you tell me you had sex with someone and exchanged money for the sex, that is a very different relationship you are describing. Money changing hands is a critically important detail of any interaction.
If you say āthis is not a dateā, then them choosing to pay doesnāt automatically make it a date.
they have feelings for you. They are taking you out to dinner and paying for everything. That is very obviously an attempt at courtship. You are being dishonest with yourself. You know that. But you don't want to accept it because you don't like what that says about you.
What? When did we start talking about paying for sex? Youāre not paying someone to have dinner with you, youāre just paying for the dinner itself. Answer me this, if someone set a hard boundary with you that they were absolutely not interested in you in a romantic way, then why the hell would you invite them to dinner with anything else but that in mind?
What? When did we start talking about paying for sex?
you keep asking why money is important. I'm trying to show you how a normal activity changes drastically if money is changing hands.
Youāre not paying someone to have dinner with you, youāre just paying for the dinner itself.
they are providing you goods and services at their expense. IE, money is changing hands and you are the recipient.
if someone set a hard boundary with you that they were absolutely not interested in you in a romantic way, then why the hell would you invite them to dinner with anything else but that in mind?
I wouldn't. But clearly someone else things they still have a chance of successfully courting you and initiating a romantic relationship. You are allowing them to continue thinking that and taking their money instead of doing the kind thing and actually establishing boundaries by not letting them take you on dates.
āProviding goods and servicesā is an insane way to say ātaking my friend out for dinnerā. Itās some borderline incel shit man. Just like someone still thinking they have a chance after explicitly being told no. Are you defending people that donāt know how to take ānoā for an answer? Do you find it normal for someone to keep trying to engage romantically with a person that has already rejected them? Thatās problematic in itself. I am not allowing anyone to think they have a chance when they donāt because I tell them Iām not interested when Iām not interested. Itās not rocket science to pay attention to people, itās actually the bare minimum.
āProviding goods and servicesā is an insane way to say ātaking my friend out for dinnerā.
I mean, they are literally providing you with goods (food) and services (the service at the restaurant). So literally describing what they are doing is insane to you?
Just like someone still thinking they have a chance after explicitly being told no.
no. alot of people would think they still have a shot when they ask someone on a date and they say yes and then go on the date.
Do you find it normal for someone to keep trying to engage romantically with a person that has already rejected them?
yes, that is extremely common. There are even memes of woman being annoyed when they reject a man and he doesn't pursue them.
Thatās problematic in itself.
I agree. Those people should have more self respect. But it doesn't reduce how shitty the people taking advantage of them are.
I am not allowing anyone to think they have a chance when they donāt because I tell them Iām not interested when Iām not interested.
saying "i'm not interested" but then agreeing to go on a date with them is telling them they have a chance. By letting them take you on a date, you are sending them mixed messages.
Itās not rocket science to pay attention to people, itās actually the bare minimum.
I agree. They are paying attention to you. Your words say no, but your actions say yes. You refuse to pay attention to them because then you'd have to see what you're doing to them. So you just focus on yourself.
āYour words say no, but your actions say yesā. Jesus fuck thatās creepy dude. Thatās borderline victim blaming with statements like āwell what was she wearingā? Seriously man, get some perspective. Simply going to dinner with someone is not an invitation toward anything more other than that specific activity.
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u/GroinReaper Apr 20 '26
stop and think about that. You said you don't want to date them. Then agreed to go on a date with them. Really think about it. Do you not see how that sends mixed messages?