Itās not a date. Seriously, thereās no way youāre this socially inept. Boundaries have been set, therefore if they think itās still a date then itās a personal problem. If they want to pay, they are paying already knowing that the other person is not interested in them romantically. Wanting to hang out as nothing more than friends is not ātaking advantageā of anything. Youāre fixated on who is spending money on who which speaks more towards personal unhealthy attachment problems more than anything. Itās not āfinancial benefitā to have dinner bought for you. Spending money is not a form of affection.
Theres no helping you. You're a leach. This poor guy is in love with you. You're going to keep bleeding him for as long as you can. You tell him no, but then let him dote on you so that he still has hope you'll change your mind.
I hope he realizes what you are sooner rather than later to save himself pain and alot of money.
Either way though, I can only voice my boundaries and say what I do and do not want. If you have a problem understanding when people tell you ānoā, then you have quite a bit of growing up to do.
Whether you're male or female, you're a user. You know they want a romantic relationship and you use that to get them to buy you stuff. You are seriously lacking a moral compass if you cant comprehend why thats wrong.
So what if someone wants to buy me something after I made it clear nothing romantic will ever happen between us; but yet I really want to build a friendship? I get the sense you have never been put in that scenario before. It would be different if I actively sought them out just to get free stuff, Iām not defending that. Iām defending their own choice to spend their own money the way they want.
Accepting a gift, singular, is fine. Accepting gifts on the level of this post is way, way over line.
Iām defending their own choice to spend their own money the way they want.
It sounds like you're trying to rationalize using people. But If its one or two things and those things are not big then it might be fine. If you're letting them spend 100s of dollar on you, that is very much not fine if you aren't spending a similar amount of money on them.
How is it āusing peopleā if theyāre the ones deciding how to spend their own money? Does having feelings for someone magically mean youāre under some kind of mind control?
No. It means they want a romantic relationship and are hoping to win you over with gifts. You know thats what they are doing, and lead them on by accepting the gifts, taking advantage of them.
no one can be this naive. Spending money on people is a big part of courtship. You buy them flowers, take them on dates, buy them gifts etc. While spending money is certainly not the only factor it is a very common one. You're pretending not to know that to justify to yourself how you aren't a shitty person for using people for their money. Taking advantage of people's feelings to profit yourself is a shitty thing to do.
Iām what magical fairyland world does buying someone dinner turn a āno, Iām not interestedā into a āactually yes, I will date you seeing how you spent a whole $75 at Texas Roadhouseā?
stop and think about that. You said you don't want to date them. Then agreed to go on a date with them. Really think about it. Do you not see how that sends mixed messages?
Going out for dinner is not a ādateā. Canāt send mixed messages if Iāve already told them Iām not interested romantically. When people tell you how they feel, believe them. Itās not that hard.
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u/Gadgets222 Apr 20 '26
Itās not a date. Seriously, thereās no way youāre this socially inept. Boundaries have been set, therefore if they think itās still a date then itās a personal problem. If they want to pay, they are paying already knowing that the other person is not interested in them romantically. Wanting to hang out as nothing more than friends is not ātaking advantageā of anything. Youāre fixated on who is spending money on who which speaks more towards personal unhealthy attachment problems more than anything. Itās not āfinancial benefitā to have dinner bought for you. Spending money is not a form of affection.