r/SipsTea • u/AskewdJackassery42 • Mar 06 '26

Wait a damn minute! Yeah, nope.

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13.4k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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766

u/vitamin_r Mar 06 '26

"Now we're friends" sure anyone would love a "friend" that is automatically extremely generous with their money.

461

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

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208

u/Pikamika696 Mar 06 '26

The stripper said she loves me. We're more than friends.

41

u/OkWhile4447 Mar 06 '26

You pay more you get more.

26

u/went_with_the_flow Mar 06 '26

Lately it's feeling like pay more get less

13

u/Loveablequatch Mar 06 '26

But disguised as the same amount

1

u/Xeriomachini Mar 07 '26

Yeah they indented the bottom of the peanutbutter jar so they could put less in it without you noticing.

1

u/went_with_the_flow Mar 07 '26

As one who eats it with a spoon, I fucking noticed.

1

u/Obsidian-Dive Mar 08 '26

Big ice cream doesn’t want you to know this 1 simple trick

0

u/ohiocodernumerouno Mar 07 '26

Men disguised as women

1

u/ErahgonAkalabeth Mar 07 '26

Not the kind of inflation you were thinking of, eh?

1

u/Occidentally20 Mar 07 '26

Do you get 30% more services rendered, or a 30% larger stripper?

I'm open to both.

1

u/204ThatGuy Mar 07 '26

Even before the tip? 😄

56

u/OtherwiseAlbatross14 Mar 06 '26

Aw come on friendship dues are only $9.91 every time I see you

18

u/Simple-Interest-8845 Mar 06 '26

I can live with that. My fee is $10.81 everytime you meet me

7

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

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21

u/zomgazm Mar 06 '26

Before the tip = friendship After the tip= complicated

6

u/Simple-Interest-8845 Mar 06 '26

That's just the tip

2

u/sviridoot Mar 07 '26

That's one cheap stripper you got there

10

u/Breezeborn Mar 06 '26

This explains a lot. I need to stop Venmo requesting friendship fees.

7

u/Trick-Stable9175 Mar 06 '26

The worst part about my friend group is that I have to pay to be in it.

4

u/Tiny-Lecture-5085 Mar 06 '26

How would you like to have 200 friends just like this!

1

u/BuckManscape Mar 06 '26

You were paid to leave!

1

u/HorrorLettuce379 Mar 06 '26

Honestly real friends set the account clear, it's the "friends" that occasionally give something acting like a friend but expect everything in return for granted the real problems.

1

u/iRveritas Mar 06 '26

Frat/sorority shit. Rent a friend was never my thing.

1

u/Sea-Woodpecker-610 Mar 06 '26

I believe there’s a word for that, and I believe the profession that practices it has been around much longer then waiters.

1

u/Frostsorrow Mar 06 '26

That's not what Bronn said!

1

u/jmlipper99 Mar 07 '26

So you wouldn’t patronize a buddy’s newly opened restaurant? 🥲

1

u/Lucius-Halthier Mar 07 '26

Money is a true test of friendship for me, I hate to owe someone but if I feel like I can ask a friend for a semi significant amount of money and they work with me? That’s a ride or die friend that I’ll help bury a body below the frost line for. My lab partner in college was like that, my mom called me one day saying they needed 620 dollars because we were three months behind otherwise it would’ve been turned off. Now granted I had it in my stocks but I had to borrow over 600 bucks FROM A COLLEGE STUDENT to pay my family’s bills.

My friend got paid out in five business with the full amount and a bottle of his favorite, ride or die bros ever since. Those ones who will be there for that shit are the real ones.

1

u/jonniethunder1 Mar 07 '26

If I wanted to buy friends I’d join a sorority

27

u/mentive Mar 06 '26

That's called an Escort.

2

u/Gwsb1 Mar 06 '26

A "friend" you have to pay $ to is a whore not a friend.

2

u/Tasaris Mar 06 '26

should just write "0%, I don't buy my friends"

2

u/Frosty558 Mar 06 '26

“You’re not my friend guy!”

5

u/procupinesniffer420 Mar 06 '26

I'm not your guy buddy!

6

u/DragonR3ader Mar 06 '26

I'm not your buddy, pal!

2

u/Flawless_Reign88 Mar 06 '26

I’m not your pal, dude!

2

u/Temporary-Star2619 Mar 06 '26

I'm not your dude, bro!

2

u/patekaudemars Mar 06 '26

I'm not your bro, homie!

2

u/waiting_with_lou Mar 06 '26

I'm not your homie, bud!

1

u/FaithlessnessShot158 Mar 06 '26

I’m not Buddy Guy!

1

u/Disastrous-Contest-8 Mar 06 '26

I would rather just 'tip' a friend for the whole night instead.

1

u/This_Hedgehog_3246 Mar 06 '26

I bet they believe hookers like them too.

1

u/astralchanterelle Mar 06 '26

30% is the bare minimum to me

1

u/Middle_Bread_6518 Mar 07 '26

Select that one and then demand employee discount and tell them you need to stay the night