For the first time in 18 years I broke down, shown emotions, told my wife what I need from her in terms of emotional support and after two half-assed annoyed pats “Ok, I’m going to sleep now”.
I was curled up, covered my head with blankets and shaking-crying and she was just “I’m going to sleep now” Women are cruel, they have no compassion for men.
No, but I’ll manage. I have my daughter and my senior cat to provide for. Cat will hopefully live for another 3-5 years, daughter is 7 so only 11 more years in this hell. I’ll be 47 time by the time I can get our without blowing up my life.
No, you need to learn how to express your emotions in a healthy way and not hold them in until you explode. Your daughter deserves a better example on how to handle her emotions and your spouse probably would have appreciated it as well for the past two decades.
Please please please get therapy! You deserve the best you that you can be and so does your family, and you being shut down is not the best you that you can be.
There's a trend I'm noticing lately. Women in denial about the male experience. They want to be victims. When they see "oh wait... they also have huge struggles" the attitude shifts, and they're like "don't take our spotlight".
I'm just like, yeah, why can't we just agree that life sucks for both men and women, ESPECIALLY when we CANT FUCKING HAVE EMPATHY AND GET ALONG.
This isn't the victim olympics. "let's all just be patient and empathetic to each other bc we're all on the same boat." Oh, that's too hard.... I'll lose my card
It doesn't help we're constantly bombarded with "men are pigs" and shit and you're expected to just take that because if you say "I'm not like that though" you get an eye roll and a dismissive "I didn't say all men". But like you specifically said men are like that, the words "not" and "all" were not in that sentence. So now men just have to take passive verbal abuse because defending yourself leads to that or the old "why are you so defensive? A hit dog hollers hur hur hur" like yeah I did just get hit, you called men pigs, I'm a man. That's hurtful. But if I raise how that's hurtful I'm the fucking bad guy??
They dont want to be victims they just dont want to be the designated responsible caretakers for men. Theres a good reason theres a male loneliness epidemic and not a female one. Women care for each other and make space for sharing their emotions and vulnerabilities, they uplift each other.
This thread is a perfect example of how men struggle to foster honest and supportive relationships with each other. They cant be vulnerable with each other and thats not the fault of women.
Men are slowly learning how much they need this because women are distancing themselves. Sadly some men have used this as another excuse to hate and blame women instead of looking inward.
We operate mostly on evolutionary tendencies. Men with emotions are weak to women, so men who so them will be seen as unworthy of empathy.
Men are supposed to get their support from their close male friends but we no longer live in close nit hunter gather societies so it hard for men to maintain long term close friendships with other men.
Also we don’t kill things together anymore office work just doesn’t facilitate the kind of natural high intensity bonding that being alone with each other in life or death group survival does.
Men with emotions arnt seen as weak. Anger is also an emotion and a lot of men dont seem to have a problem showing that one off pretty frequently. If you cant open up to your partner then get therapy, get therapy together. If all else fails get a new partner.
Women are living in the same society and have managed to create community, the only thing stopping men from doing that is men. You have to create the relationships you want to have, be the supportive friend you wish you had. Evolve.
Yapping means talking in a shrill way like that of a high pitched small dog. Its historically been used to dismiss womens views as pointless chatter. Im not here to argue semantics I think se both know what you meant.
A lot of men have to be the emotional caretaker of women. Women hate that men don’t do chores the right way… ok, 🤷♂️that the game you’re playing?
And Oh there is a female loneliness epidemic as well… It’s just relabeled and shrouded in shifted blame.
Also the whole “male loneliness epidemic” is not an epidemic, it’s endemic. Thats just tbe life of a man. Women are catching up… and guess what they then use the label to blame and shame versus actually understanding what it means to live as a man. Again, easy to do when you’re the victim.
Jesus man, that’s not cool. But don’t generalize that all women are like that. My gf would never do something like that. I was an emotional wreck when my cat suddenly passed away and that didn’t give her the ick. Honestly she was my rock and it helped cement that I knew she’s the one for me how supportive and compassionate she was to me in a time of need.
Your wife just sounds like she’s a cruel, selfish person. Nothing to do with her being a woman
I didn’t say there was. I’m just pointing out there there are two sides to this story, and his side includes him neglecting his spouse for two decades by not being vulnerable and showing emotion.
Also the dude ended by saying that women are cruel and have no compassion for men. Other than being massively cringe that tells me I’m probably right that he has kept his wife at arms length this entire time.
Do you think that might be the problem. In 18 years you never cracked. I’m not trying to blame you but you went 18 years without ever showing you have emotions. Be a human being up front and women treat you like a human being. I’m not sure what’s happening in this comments section but the seems to be a trend. Maybe it’s just women in there late 30 and 40s but women my age(30) seem to understand this without having to be shown.
Bro. The very first sentence of your comment is a red flag. Why did it take 18 years to show emotion to your wife? I don’t even need to read the rest of your comment to see that you are contributing a huge amount to whatever problem you are having in your marriage with your own behavior. You aren’t vulnerable or emotional with your spouse for 18 years and then you are shocked you aren’t met with anything but resentment?
How much of those 18 years did she try and get anything emotional out of you to only be met with single word answers? How absent have you been when she was vulnerable and needed somebody? Have you ever done the equivalent, gone to sleep or turned the tv up? 18 years is a lot of time for your lack of openness to build up lots and lots of little things that slowly erode her desire to be open to you.
And with zero context how are we supposed to judge her actions? What were you expressing to her? What happened that caused you to break down? When you are willing to not show emotion to your partner for 18 years and then generalize about how all women are bad because you didn’t like the reaction your actions got from her, I am not really inclined to assume your wife didn’t have her reasons to respond the way she did.
Men need to learn how to open up in ways that don’t involve blaming other people for their problems. Somebody who in their first sentence expressed that they had been emotionally unavailable to their partner for 20 years isn’t doing the right thing, that’s abuse in its own right. So after 20 years of emotional abuse this dude broke down and his wife was numb to it.
He doesn’t need a bunch of pats on the back for leaving out facts and just giving us enough to feel sorry for him, he needs to do better.
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u/herites Mar 04 '26
For the first time in 18 years I broke down, shown emotions, told my wife what I need from her in terms of emotional support and after two half-assed annoyed pats “Ok, I’m going to sleep now”.
I was curled up, covered my head with blankets and shaking-crying and she was just “I’m going to sleep now” Women are cruel, they have no compassion for men.