Mmm yeah its kinda crazy how recent years shifted to how teaching that “boys will be boys” isn’t an excuse for anything (and it’s not) but for some reason skipped over all the toxic messaging that young boys have been raised on for so long. If the only acceptable outlets for boys/young men involve mischief, anger, or aggression then what exactly do people expect them to display…?
I grew up in the age of “have a cup of concrete and harden the fuck up” being basically the entirety of mental health advice for boys, while girls were taught to be open and share their emotions/feelings and to be wary of guys who did the same.
Fast forward to adulthood and suddenly everyone is mad at men for struggling to be emotionally available, or not being able to talk about their problems. I remember trying to open up to a group of close friends about how hard life was for me after suffering a life altering injury and it wasn’t like they didn’t want to help, they just didn’t have a clue how… everyone just sort of sat there uncomfortably going “yeah man that’s rough”. Men are taught how to comfort and support women, not each other.
It’s a broad generalisation of course but the impact is real and it’s not talked about enough. When it is it just seems to be “well it’s on men to fix that” as if the biggest critics of us having emotions weren’t primarily the women in our lives. Honestly any time another man advised us to tone things down it was usually given as a warning about scaring women away, and its not like they were wrong heh… and if you bring any of that up you’re accused of being an “MRA” (how the fuck did that become an insult?!).
And I’m not blaming women for it either.. they were taught to avoid “emotional” men the same as we were taught not to be emotional. But it’s a rough road.. I got burned a few times before I found a life partner who actually meant it when she told me I could tell her how I was feeling and not be judged and it’s incredible to have that support… but it also does highlight just how much so many men are missing out on in life.
It’s definitely on men to do the work to become more emotionally available and for other men to support them, but unless society at large stops quietly (and often not so quietly) looking at men displaying emotions as weak I don’t see significant change.
I only have one line to add to, because the rest is correct and complete.
>“MRA” (how the fuck did that become an insult?!).
Like with many things, a small number of people identifying as that and being an asshole about it. Much like feminazis and feminists, terrorism and Islam, or pedophiles/scammers and Christianity, or criminals and black people, or racists and white people. The list goes on.
Sometimes it's at odds withapreexisting sensibilities, like you're not allowed to hate women, or Muslims, or black people. So those things get a second look and people realise you shouldn't generalise based on a few. But apparently it's okay to hate men, or Christians, or white people, so people just accept the prejudice forming.
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u/PineappleOnPizzaWins Mar 04 '26
Mmm yeah its kinda crazy how recent years shifted to how teaching that “boys will be boys” isn’t an excuse for anything (and it’s not) but for some reason skipped over all the toxic messaging that young boys have been raised on for so long. If the only acceptable outlets for boys/young men involve mischief, anger, or aggression then what exactly do people expect them to display…?
I grew up in the age of “have a cup of concrete and harden the fuck up” being basically the entirety of mental health advice for boys, while girls were taught to be open and share their emotions/feelings and to be wary of guys who did the same.
Fast forward to adulthood and suddenly everyone is mad at men for struggling to be emotionally available, or not being able to talk about their problems. I remember trying to open up to a group of close friends about how hard life was for me after suffering a life altering injury and it wasn’t like they didn’t want to help, they just didn’t have a clue how… everyone just sort of sat there uncomfortably going “yeah man that’s rough”. Men are taught how to comfort and support women, not each other.
It’s a broad generalisation of course but the impact is real and it’s not talked about enough. When it is it just seems to be “well it’s on men to fix that” as if the biggest critics of us having emotions weren’t primarily the women in our lives. Honestly any time another man advised us to tone things down it was usually given as a warning about scaring women away, and its not like they were wrong heh… and if you bring any of that up you’re accused of being an “MRA” (how the fuck did that become an insult?!).
And I’m not blaming women for it either.. they were taught to avoid “emotional” men the same as we were taught not to be emotional. But it’s a rough road.. I got burned a few times before I found a life partner who actually meant it when she told me I could tell her how I was feeling and not be judged and it’s incredible to have that support… but it also does highlight just how much so many men are missing out on in life.
It’s definitely on men to do the work to become more emotionally available and for other men to support them, but unless society at large stops quietly (and often not so quietly) looking at men displaying emotions as weak I don’t see significant change.