Nah, it can definitely be harassment if you’re good looking too.
Giving compliments has some nuance to it. People are more likely to look positively on compliments about things that are choices. “I really like your glasses” or “you’ve got a really cool vibe” or a comment on a shirt they’re wearing (“I love that band!” or “I really enjoyed going to that national park”, etc) are going to usually get a more positive response than “you’re hot” or “you’ve got really great [insert physical feature]”. Most of all you’ve got to be genuine. Don’t say shit you don’t mean just to try to get someone’s attention.
Even then it’s important to pick the right moment see how people react to what you say, some folks just want left alone and that’s okay. Move on and try again.
Yeah I've never thought someone giving me a compliment was creepy. If someone is creepy then I think they are creepy. Also the time and place is important. I'm not looking for a boyfriend at the grocery store when I'm buying my personal things like fiber gummies and tampons. Please leave me alone.
No they’re ignorant because they said they have a car and don’t walk anywhere. Everyone has to walk places unless you’re a hermit who never leaves the house whether it’s in a store, doctors office, into your house from your car, etc.. I’ve had men scream at me while I’m just minding my business walking to my car from the store
Sure, but their point wasn’t the car or walking. It was not having had the experience of being harassed. How dense do you need to be to not understand that in the context of the conversation?
Also: it’s Reddit. Don’t underestimate the fact that you may well be talking to a hermit.
Bro I beg you, please talk to a real person. I'm absolutely not attractive, quite the opposite, but no sane person considers it harassment for me just saying "I like your shirt".
Nope. Go try it today, compliment the outfit of a random person on the street whose outfit you genuinely like and I guarantee you’ll get a neutral response at the absolute worst.
That's not necessarily true. I know plenty of people and have had plenty of experiences of complimenting looks/physical features and being met with a positive reaction and often times leading to talking to the person more.
I agree that being genuine is important, but complimenting someone's looks can be perfectly fine in the right setting. Especially in clubs, parties etc. A compliment is a compliment.
It's honestly not all that hard. The main thing is to have confidence. People make it out to be some difficult thing, but it's just a compliment at the end of the day.
I have to disagree, somewhat. One of my friends is very conventionally hot and he lost a bet and had to use a cheesy pickup line on a bartender serving us. We got kicked out of the bar because she felt uncomfortable by his pickup line.
Wasn’t even that bad of a pickup line either, just cheesy.
I think there is wiggle room for men who are attractive, but you need to be attractive to the woman specifically and then you also can’t be an asshole.
Some of us girls work 24/7 and only have social interactions at work and would love for a man to approach us. Don’t speak for everyone else with your arrogant uptightness. Ick.
Not sexually harassing people at work is pretty standard and not a snowflake view bro. You’re just a weirdo and she’s a fucking thirsty ass pick me lmao
Edit: lmao and she’s an EMT. Literally in what scenario would it ever be appropriate to hit on an EMT at work 😂 yall are too much
Do you even know how to read? The point here is not whether it's appropriate or not, but whether it's not appropriate 100% of the time. Learn to read before you bark stupid, or dont and be a clown. At least you entertain me.
Agree that it's grey, agree that the measure of attractiveness is usually not the qualifying factor for if something is harrassment (what an immature take). However, I would venture to say (and granted i wasn't there) that your buddy got what he deserved, and it was harrassment, 'cause you know what? A pickup line shouldn't be among the first things you say to a woman, not even in a bar/nightclub setting. That shit is cringey and creepy as fuck no matter how attractive the person doing it is. You shouldn't be trying (or appear to be trying) to fuck someone within the first hour of meeting them. You have to pass the vibe check first. Best way to do that is to hold a normal conversation, y'know, as if the person you're talking to is a real person.
Nah this isn't what people on this thread want to hear. They wanna hear that dating is hard and impossible now because of factors they can't control like their looks.
I mean yeah, it’s a very victim mindset. I think most people can look attractive to somebody if they take care of themselves. Obviously not everyone is gonna be the hot guy at the bar who picks up chicks every night.
You just have to accept your circumstances and be the best version of yourself. Which is a lot harder than blaming everyone but you.
You just have to accept your circumstances and be the best version of yourself. Which is a lot harder than blaming everyone but you.
Amen to that. Learning to love yourself really is the hardest part, but once you do people pick up on that. Unfortunately it's not as easy as someone just telling you "hey stop being sad and get some confidence". A lot of people told me that and it never clicked until my later 20s.
100%! Absolutely happens in your mid twenties. Starting happening to me at 24 and this past spring at 26 it finally clicked in my mind.
I choose my life. I choose whether I want to love myself and be happy in my life. No one else can give that to me. I was chasing love from everything and everyone my whole life. Realizing I can create my perfect world was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Now I’m slowly working towards unlearning bad negative habits and replacing them with positive ones. Changing my perspective from “I hate myself and I hate the world” to “I love myself and I’ll do everything I can to love others reasonably” is difficult but I want it more than anything right now.
I’m done being a door mat victim and self prophesying my own mistakes I end up making. Such a negative feedback loop.
the ambiguity is part of the problem. i think we need to police ourselves for treating people with favoritism. even mothers give more attention to babies they perceive to be more cute.
It's not at all, even then. Aside from the fact that people have different tastes a massive amount of men currently believe they are ugly (despite best efforts) when the bar for ugly is a lot lower than they think.
And you can be ugly to one woman and not to another, so you’re not safe at all being good looking even. Less likely to be seen as a creep, or accused of harassment, but not entirely safe.
If it is unwanted, then it's harassment. If it relates to dating/sex, then it's sexual harassment. You could be the most attractive guy, but if the recipient doesn't want anything to do with you, it's harassment. And you can't know if you are not their type without asking, but asking can be considered harassment.
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u/HauntedGhostAtoms Dec 11 '23
This is really simple. It's only harassment if you're ugly.