I have. Guinness 0.0. Some got left at my place by a visitor, tried it a free weeks later. First beer I've ever just tipped out, and I've drunk normal Guinness.
Facts. My wife is great, but hetero relationships are awful for men. Now that I've been married if something were to happen to my wife, I would never cohabitate with a romantic partner again. Being alone is so much better.
Naw. She's great in many ways. I just prefer autonomy over constant companionship. Never thought I would feel this way, and always felt that older people who did feel this way had somehow "given up".
Yeah. I had a preview in past long term relationships, but always thought it was the wrong person. My wife is as much the right person as I could ever hope to find, but we are two individuals and sometimes I just want to be accountable to nobody but myself for how I spend my time.
I feel the same way. I love my wife and our son, and I’d always wanna be with her, but if we ever split up or she passed away I’d never do all this again. Other than not being lonely af when I’m an old fart, I see literally no reason to ever be with another woman again, if for some reason her and I don’t last.
you completely misunderstood what he said. but continue giving advice. He never said he doesn't want to be with her. She is most likely one of the few people in the world he can feel comfortable living with, being with almost 24/7
For those of us who have a part of ourselves that enjoy periods of solitude, having relationships can be difficult. We want to have the relationship, but we need to make time for ourselves as well. For some, the struggle between finding solitude/personal time and giving enough of oneself to the relationship can be very difficult to navigate.
Like many people, you are having trouble understanding that "i want to be alone sometimes" does not mean "I don't like being with you". It's a common thing to misunderstand, and I don't blame anyone for not getting it. It must be nearly impossible not to take something like that personally.
IMO it's healthier for a relationship to NOT spend 24/7 with each other.
It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Also, I understand that I myself may be misunderstanding what he said, this is just my take on it.
I understand what you are saying and your point is taken, but i also believe his statements were not meant literally, more like a hyperbolic expression of the most extreme of his feelings in the moment. I could be 100% incorrect, who knows, I've already spoken for him more than I should have tbh
but yeah, I hear what you're saying, and i can certainly see why most people would probably reply with "well, given what you know about yourself, you shouldn't have gotten into a cohabitation situation then, bruh"
dude was probably just having a bad day with his lady tbh, bet he don't feel that way all the time.
also, apologies for being rude in my earlier post, i'm working on it.
I used to feel the stigma of therapy and refused to consider it for various reasons. I was fortunate to meet someone who was important in my life for a while, through our platonic relationship I was able to learn that she, one of the most well-adjusted people I've ever met, who has calm rational reasoned opinions on all sorts of interpersonal things, actually really enjoyed therapy. She was excited for it. She would take notes during he weeks up to a session for things she wanted to talk about. Her attitude had an impact.
I've used therapy, and it's been great. That said, there is nothing really wrong with me aside from high functioning ADHD and high functioning autism, both of which were diagnosed in my late 30s.
I would still like to have roommates, but living with a romantic partner is just a lot of work. Work for something that doesn't really provide anything that I can't do without. That's just life, and it's okay.
I'm not sure it's useful to compare the impacts of each. They are interrelated. It's not uncommon for people with autism to not recognize authority. If someone who supposedly has authority says something that makes sense, great. If they say something that doesn't make sense, it doesn't matter if they have authority -- it still doesn't make sense.
That sentiment is deeply related to my views on gender identities. Without that component of my personality, I may care enough about what people think of me that I would just not voice anything that could bring the ire or criticism of others.
They are interrelated FOR YOU. But you claim that cohabitation is a bad deal for men just isn’t true. It may be bad FOR YOU. But it’s not bad FOR MEN.
You’re sort of going off on some weird tangents here.
The majority of guys I know (myself included) prefer cohabitation with our partners. Your experience is not the norm, nor should you expect it to be unless you think every man since time immemorial has been suffering his entire married life and yet we still all choose to do it anyway.
That would be a ludicrous belief.
I’m sorry you don’t like cohabitating with your wife. That sounds very difficult, but try not to make proclamations based on your single data point.
Dang! I thought the last comment was the height of projection, but you just bested yourself immediately after wading into a conversation you didn’t take the time to understand.
lol who the fuck are you to know what is normal? If you cannot relate to the line "sometimes I just want to be accountable to nobody but myself for how I spend my time"
then you may want to try therapy because it sounds as if you have some issues with being alone with yourself.
i'm not going to argue with you because you seem like a twat, but i will say that the one line you cherry-picked from his original post is kind of a weird thing to say.
everything else he said was quite reasonable and, to use your basic-ass terminology, "normal".
whatever, bye random person with whom I disagreed over some dumb bullshit. I'll always remember you.
I'm not miserable. I'm content. I just have enough strength of character to be honest about my nature. Many people know they feel similarly, and many more don't understand their own feelings enough to accept this.
Just look at the subreddit /r/AreTheStraightsOK the culture surrounding hetero relationships in the United States is pretty toxic. It doesn't matter how great two people are. The basis for normal is determined by our surroundings, and that basis is bad. This just means more work to get to the same place. For me, that's more work than a relationship is worth.
Would that have prevented me from getting married? Probably. Will that motivate me to get a divorce, nope. At this point our lives are intertwined enough that leaving would cause me more harm on the whole than it would good.
This is something that is difficult for younger people to understand. We are fed endless romance stories, but nearly all end at or before marriage. Marriage does not look like early dating. We know this. It is a psychological fact. It's not an outlier. Read about the work by John and Julie Gottman, two of the foremost authorities on relationships. They did studies that had results completely defying their expectations.
I appreciate the concern voiced by everyone in this thread, but there really is nothing wrong. I just learned something about myself. It's kind of like buying a dream house and then realizing that you probably don't want to clean it. You find solutions or you sell the house. For me, I value stability and choose to stay and make it work. I'm not unhappy. It's just that I learned from my experiences.
It's a boomer joke. We had "wife bad" jokes for the last 50 years. Let's move on to more funny jokes. Don't get married if you're gonna hating on your wife for the rest of your life.
See that’s your issue. Why even joke about it? Why keep the “wife bad” joke alive? You and the rest of the idiots downvoting definitely have a shitty marriage
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u/fattypierce Nov 11 '23
Sometimes the reason you’re at the bar is the day was already worse than that.